Page 31 of The Ampersand Effect

Her heart thudded hard against her ribs. She knew she was upset, though the anger felt almost secondary to the achespreading through her chest. All she’d wanted that morning was to wait for Delta to wake up so they could hit their favorite doughnut shop and have a lazy Sunday together.

But now all she wanted was to swim.

She needed to clear her head. Or, rather, suffocate any and all thoughts through her exhaustive, rhythmic efforts in the water.

She threw the covers off, grabbed her swim gear, and crept upstairs to the kitchen. Snatching a banana for fuel, she slipped out the door and headed for her car.

Halfway across the yard, the unmistakablethwopof helicopter rotors filled the air. Grier’s head lifted just as the Parrish Aerial helicopter crested the tree line, rising into her sightline on its way to the hospital.

Her shoulders slumped. Not exactly what she needed this morning—just insult to injury. The sound echoed through her chest, taunting her. She was used to the helicopters overhead; living this close to the hospital, they were part of the landscape. Today, they felt personal, a reminder of what never was.

Adding to her irritation, the pool was packed when she arrived. The thought of making small talk felt unbearable, so her legs diverted her without conscious thought—directing her toward the beach stairs carved into the stony cliff.

She walked along the sand, relishing the wind blowing through her hair. The crash of waves against the shore was oddly cathartic— maybe not as exhilarating as a swim, but just as cleansing.

After a solid thirty minutes of walking, Grier sank onto a sand dune and absently picked at some beach glass that had washed ashore.

Why was she so hung up on this woman?

Tobin had never been truly accessible. It was only thepossibilityof her that had been enticing. So why did that dismissive text cut so deep?

She knew, instinctively, that it was because this was the first time she’d put herself out there in a long time—the first woman she’d felt outrageously, undeniably drawn to since Nora’s death.

She’d never intended to close herself off after Nora; it had just… happened. Somewhere between comforting Grant, raising Delta, and swallowing her own hurt, she’d stopped searching for partners. There had been flings, a few one-night stands, but the desire to bring someone into her heart had faded with Nora’s loss.

Tobin had awakened a level of desire Grier had forgotten she was capable of experiencing—the ache of possibility, the hunger to be known again. Dusty as it was, it had still been there, waiting.

She was abruptly pulled from her detached reverie when her phone started buzzing. Grove was FaceTiming her. Grove could read disappointment through a screen like it was a subtitle—she may as well just get the update over with.

Grier swiped to answer. “Hey, baby sister!”

“What’s wrong? Why are you at the beach?”

“I wanted to swim, but the pool was too full, so I went for a walk instead.” Even as she said it, she felt her defenses rising— bristling beneath her skin, misdirected toward the one person who least deserved her vitriol.

“You only walk the beach when you’re hanging on by a thread,” Grove said flatly. “Grant and Delta texted me that you won last night. The pictures showed you were indeed ecstatic, so what happened between then and now?”

Grier laughed, the sound cracking as tears betrayed her, traipsing their way down her cheeks. She hadn’t even realized she was crying until she felt the snot hit the back of her throat. “Would you be surprised to hear there was a girl? A woman, I should say.”

“I’m way too delicate for prison, but you could convince me to bury a body,” Grove offered conspiratorially. She was usually good at pulling Grier out of a spiral.

Grier smiled through her tears, fingers unconsciously fiddling with the pendant at her throat. “I don’t understand why I’m this upset. We weren’t even dating.”

For once, Grove stayed quiet, patient.

“Her name’s Tobin,” Grier said finally. “Delta and I met her last week when the hospital hosted helicopter tours to test the new helipads. Tobin was one of the pilots. And—” she exhaled, shaking her head, “—she took my breath away so fast and hard that I literally stuttered as I met her. Right before I accidentally groped her.”

She giggled through the tears, the memory too absurd not to.

Then the laughter caught in her throat. She saw again that teasing curve of ink just visible on the cusp of Tobin’s breast— the precarious tendril she’d nearly grazed as they flirted last night, emboldened enough to place her hand on the captain’s exposed skin.

Her stomach clenched at the memory—and the loss of what would never be.

“Well, that sounds like a good start. But how did you go from accidentally groping her to crying alone on the beach the morning after you were named Physician of the freaking Year?” Grove’s voice rose with each word.

Grier shared her story—and her grief. Grove listened patiently, thousands of miles away, unable to offer more than a willing ear to listen. But that was all Grier needed. The release of her tears and finally voicing the emotions she’d been holding in for over a week washed over her with the catharsis of a cool tide pool. She felt unburdened as Grove absorbed her words and didn’t try to fix anything for her. This didn’t need fixing. She wasn’t broken.

“I’m going to relish overstimulating you with my little-sister powers of clinginess. You’ll be begging for reprieve by the time I leave.”