Page 124 of The Ampersand Effect

And that wasn’t today.

First, she needed to get home. She needed to deal with Grier.

Harrow took her home, where she immediately headed for her bedroom. She needed to be alone—and she wanted a bath. Her brain was scrambled, the day’s events rattling around without a course. She had to sort them out. And then she needed to call Grier.

Her shoulders sagged beneath the weight of the day. Her head throbbed from the emotions—from the tears. She turnedthe water on as hot as she could stand it—hellfire by anyone else’s standards.

May as well burn my nerves into oblivion. What else can I lose today?

She left the bathroom fan off. She liked it when the steam overtook the space, enveloping her in mist as she slinked deeper into the water. The haze mingled with the flicker of candlelight in the dark, camouflaging her—like she could hide from herself if she couldn’t see beyond her fingertips. Her body was already numb from the scalding water. If only she could numb her aching, breaking heart.

Her heart squeezed in her chest before dropping to settle like lead in her gut. She didn’t want to hurt Grier. She’d come to care about her. More than a little. A hell of a lot more than a little. The thought of walking away made her already overworked heart stutter, like it was trying to slow her down—trying to stop her from breaking it altogether. To stopherfrom breaking.

Could Grier keep me from breaking?She shook her head, irritated with herself.

But could she?

The thoughts were invasive, vining their way from her heart to her exhausted brain. She never listened to her heart. Her brain always overruled. So why was she suddenly incapable of standing by her earlier decision? Why did her heart pound so hard—so erratically— when she thought about ending things with Grier? Whatwasthis feeling? Her heart was pleading for a control it had never demanded before. And it was loud.

She needed to catch her breath. She needed to give her brain a break. She needed to understand what this incessant nagging in the back of her mind meant—and why it felt so connected to her heart.

She needed Grier.

She slinked deeper into the water, the heat turning her skin pink under the flickering candlelight. She started humming a nameless tune to herself—a trick Nadia had taught her—to discombobulate her mind enough to blank it. She hadn’t needed the trick in a while, but tonight she just wanted a few minutes of nothingness.

The steam of the bath wafted around her, casting shadows over her closed eyelids as she continued to hum, drifting in and out of the tune. Sweat beaded on her face and trickled through her scalp. She loved the sensation, like her body was detoxing her physical demons as thoroughly as her mind was cleansing her emotional ones. She began to release a long, cleansing sigh when she heard the click of her bedroom doorknob.

Determined footsteps pounded into the room, stopping outside the bathroom door. They hesitated. Her body tensed, bracing for whatever—whoever—was on the other side.

“Tobin?” Grier’s hesitant voice wavered outside her door. She sounded scared.

Tobin held her breath. She couldn’t move. Her body froze, not even breathing, waiting to see what Grier would do.

“Tobin, I’m coming in.”

The movement of the door stirred the steam, and Tobin’s eyes found Grier’s through the broken vapors; her body went haywire. Suddenly, the bath was too hot. Her heart was trying to escape her chest, and she couldn’t… breathe.

Grier was here, in her scrubs and she looked so… good. She had clearly come straight from work, and her disheveled hair only added to the inferno of emotions Tobin knew were raging inside her—the inferno she caused.

Grier was here. And she was mad.

She stormed in, the amber of her eyes reflecting the candlelight like they were aflame themselves. She stopped abruptly in front of the tub, chest heaving, visibly struggling torestrain her emotions. Tobin could tell she was on the cusp of losing that battle.

They stared each other down. They were a series of eyes, twitching jaw muscles, and heavy breaths—at an impasse. Neither moved, their entire relationship hanging in the delicate balance of their silence.

Then Grier crossed her arms in front of her waist and whipped off her scrub top, followed quickly by her pants.

“Wha—” Tobin stuttered. Because what was happening?

Grier stood in front of her in her bra and underwear. Then those hit the floor, and she stepped into the tub opposite Tobin, naked and fuming. She didn’t even flinch at the heat of the water as she sank into it, sloshing copious amounts outside the tub. If Tobin didn’t know better, she could’ve sworn the temperature rose with the addition of Grier’s fiery spirit.

“What are you doing?” Tobin demanded. She had no idea what Grier was doing, but she could tell the woman was in control now—and she was at her mercy. But she wasn’t going to let Grier take over without resistance.

“When we fight, we get naked,” Grier retorted defiantly. She glowered at Tobin from across the tub. Tobin was confused and flustered and—if she was being honest—a little turned on. But she’d be damned if she was going to act on that right now.

Her body tensed, bracing for the fight that Grier seemed hellbent on bringing. “Fight? I didn’t know we were fighting.”

Grier laughed, and it chilled Tobin’s libido with the depths of its frigidity. “No? That’s interesting. Because when someone shuts me out, I generally assume we’re fighting. So what would you call this, Tobin?”