Page 53 of Tangled Hearts (Mended Hearts #4)

Eli

I ’m feeling very much like Cristina Yang today, wishing someone would sedate me. My eyes hurt. That gross, swollen, achy feeling when you cry every drop of water available in your body. Between that and the shitty night of sleep, my head is pounding and my eyes are killing me.

But I’m not Cristina, and this is real life. So here I am, sitting on Dad’s couch, putting my shoes on so I can go home and get the idiot man I love. My eyes start burning. Jesus, self. Okay, he’s not an idiot. Don’t be getting all crybaby about it now.

Dad’s supposed to be getting him, but he’s been gone for over an hour, and something feels off, so when Other Dad fell asleep, I knew I couldn’t sit here and wait anymore. I have to go.

I check my phone one last time, staring at the string of messages I sent Nic last night. My heart thumps when I see that he read them five minutes ago but hasn’t responded.

It’s okay. I won him once, and I can do it again. But first, I need to check on Holden.

Me

Are you okay?

I’m not expecting a response. I understand that Holden might need some time, but a few seconds later, my phone buzzes. Julian, not Holden.

Julian

Hey, kiddo. He’s alright. Safe. He doesn’t feel up to talking right now, but he said he loves you and will come see you soon.

Well, that’s a relief at any rate. I’m not sure I have it in me to feel much of anything else right now, but knowing that Holden is safe does make me feel better, even if a small part of me is still upset about Julian.

I push to my feet, ready to take on the day. Or at least fake it until I make it. Fingers crossed I won’t wreck Dad’s car this time.

The front door creaks open, and Beck steps inside with Kassie, who pushes past him and runs toward the bedrooms. My heart almost lodges itself in my throat when Nic follows him, relief and heartbreak washing over me in equal measure.

That all disappears the second I see the tear tracks on Nic’s face. They’re fresh—still wet—and his lashes are clumped together.

I rush forward. “What did you do to him?” I snap, glancing at Dad.

Nic shakes his head, but Dad laughs. “Nothing, kiddo. Just told him it was time to come home to his family.”

Family .

Dad kisses the side of my head. “Is Roman still in bed?” I nod, not taking my eyes off Nic. “I’m gonna go in there with him. Holler if you need us. Either of you.”

Nic stares at me for a second. Like he can’t believe I’m real. Truly, I’m sure I’m looking at him the same way. He came. He really fucking came. “Why haven’t you responded to any of my messages?”

He clears his throat, and when he speaks, his voice is raw and shaky. “I didn’t get any of them until I was on my way here. My phone died.”

I nod slowly. That makes sense. God, I can’t fucking stand this. Can’t stand the what-ifs. Can’t stand how much sadness is still in his eyes. “I love you,” I whisper. “I’m sorry I didn’t get to tell you before, but I love you so much.”

His face crumples, and I don’t even think. I run to him at damn near full speed, crashing against his chest. He catches me instantly, twining his arms around my waist and dragging me in closer to him.

“I love you too, Eli. And I’m so fucking sorry I left the way I did. I was scared, and I just needed a minute, but I shouldn’t have done that. I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”

Tears burn my eyes, and I have no hope at all of keeping them from spilling out. “I forgive you. It’s okay.”

Nic pulls back just enough to look at me, his face twisted with sadness. “Oh, baby. Don’t cry. It breaks my heart to see you cry.” But then his voice cracks and tears well up in his eyes too.

I let out a choked laugh, burying my face against his throat. “You’re crying too.”

He squeezes me tighter. So tightly I almost can’t breathe. “Yeah, well, I can’t help it. Can we sit down? I want to hold you.”

The raw ache in his voice has my heart tightening in pain. “Okay. We can go to my bed?”

Nic laughs. “Or we can go to your dads’.”

“What? Why would you say that?”

Nic presses his lips to my temple, then lets go of me, letting me slide down his body until my feet hit the ground. “Just something your dad said.”

Still doesn’t make any sense. I don’t really care, though. Taking Nic’s hand, I lead him from the living room and into my room here. It’s the same as it’s always been, but I watch as he takes it all in with a small grin on his face.

The immature part of me is feeling a little giddy that I have a boy in my childhood bedroom, but the grown-up part of me is far too heartbroken to celebrate that outwardly.

Wordlessly, I climb into bed and pat the spot next to me, getting Nic’s attention. Seconds later, I’m wrapped in his arms, inhaling the scent of home.

I’m not sure when home stopped smelling like here and started smelling like Nic, but it’s a seismic shift inside of me. “I love you,” I whisper into the space between us.

“I love you too.”

“I hate that you were alone last night.” I really fucking hate it, actually. “Were you okay?”

Nic swallows hard, squeezing me a little tighter. “No, I wasn’t. I, uh—I called Silas.”

That hurts. So badly, in fact, that it takes my breath. I love this man so much. He’s my safety and my home and the person I want to spend forever with, and I made him feel so alone that he resorted to calling his ex-best friend. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, Eli.”

It feels like it kind of is, though. “Did it hurt?”

He exhales softly. “Yes and no. I accused him of trying to steal you from me. ”

That gets a small laugh out of me. “Unlike your ex-fiancé, I’m not a piece of shit. He could try all he wanted to. I’m yours, goddammit.”

He hums. “You sure fucking are, doll. But really? I don’t want to be friends with him, and I don’t want him around me, but… I don’t know, Eli. I just… I don’t think I care anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

Nic adjusts, moving until he’s sitting up with his back to my headboard. He pats his thighs, and I scramble into his lap, straddling him. His arms wrap around me on instinct. Being in his arms is the most natural thing in the world to me. It’s everything.

“I don’t care about Silas. Or Leo. Not anymore.”

Well, I mean that’s good, right? Not sure that I like the anymore because what the actual fuck? Surely he hasn’t been fucking me and holding me but secretly pining for his ex?

“What’s that face, doll?” Nic asks, chuckling.

“I just don’t like Leo.” I can’t help the petulant way it comes out. It just pisses me off. Obviously Nic had a whole life before me, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

He laughs, shaking his head. “God, Eli. I fucking love you.”

I huff. “I love you too.”

“I was heartbroken for a while. Betrayed. But then… I don’t know. I thought I loved Leo. And maybe I did.” Ugh. He must see the disgust on my face because he smiles. “Fuck, Eli. I don’t know, though.” He pauses, blowing out a breath. “Because if that was love, then what’s this ?”

What’s that supposed to mean?

Nic cups my face, pressing a lingering kiss to my lips. “I’d burn the fucking world to the ground for you, Eli. The world and everyone in it. It could be me holding you in the ashes, and it would be enough for me. ”

My breath catches, my heart pounding.

“So what does that say?” Nic asks, almost to himself. “What does it say that I mourned my friendship more than my engagement? I thought I was doing love all wrong. I had to be, right?”

I shake my head because I don’t know. I mean, I don’t know what he was like with Leo, and given the pang in my heart every time I think about the two of them together, I don’t want to. “I’m not sure.”

Nic kisses me, swiping his tongue along my bottom lip as he slides his hand from my jaw to my throat, pulling me in closer.

He kisses me like he’s starving, like he’s trying to devour me, recommit me to memory.

When he breaks the kiss, I’m half-dazed.

“I’m pretty sure I didn’t even know what love was until I fell in love with you, Eli. ”

That stops me dead. My heart’s fluttering like crazy, and my stomach is doing wild swoops. That sounds like some shit that Beck would say to Roman. Maybe not verbatim, but definitely the same sappy vibe.

“I don’t want to lose you,” I whisper. “God, I’m so scared of losing you.”

“You won’t,” he says, running his thumb along the column of my throat. Slow and reverent. His voice is more firm than I’ve ever heard it. Solid and final. “Even if you told me to get out, I’d just sleep on the porch.”

I bite my lip against the giggle that wants to break free. “That’s kind of pathetic.”

Nic smiles. “It is, huh? I can’t help it, though. When it comes to you? I just… am. I’m weak as hell for you, little doll.”

I surge forward, slamming my mouth to his. He groans, tightening his hand on my throat until my head goes a little fuzzy. Warmth rushes through my body as I melt into him. “Touch me, please. Make me feel good. ”

Nic moans, fingers flexing against my throat, and his other arm hauling me closer to him until we’re pressed together, chest to chest. “Your dads are two doors down, baby.”

I sit back just enough that I can look him in the eye. “I don’t care. I’ll be quiet. I promise.”

“Yeah? You’ll be my silent little doll? You think you can do that?”

His silent little doll? Fuck, why is that so fucking hot? I whimper, nodding. “I can be so good for you. Please.”

He groans. “Fuck. I bet you could be.” He reaches down, freeing my cock, and then his. “You can stay quiet, yeah?”

I bite my lip hard, my hips jerking when he gives us a slow stroke. “Yeah,” I whisper. I’m not actually sure I can, truthfully, but I’m willing to try.

“We have to be quick, Eli.”

I nod. I’m not sure that’s gonna be a problem for me anyway, considering my cock’s already aching and throbbing in time with my heartbeats.

Nic studies me for a second, then spits in his hand and wraps it around our cocks. My hips buck, and a ragged sound rips from my throat. His rough chuckle makes my face heat. “One stroke and you’re already breaking the rules.”