Page 3 of Tangled Hearts (Mended Hearts #4)

I turn on a movie and the three of us settle in together to watch it. Peace washes over my soul and I lean to my left, resting my head against Beck’s shoulder.

I’m dozing off against him when Roman’s phone rings, startling all three of us out of our little bubble. Roman climbs out of Beck’s lap and grabs his phone.

“Hey, Hold.”

There’s a beat of silence, and then his jaw drops. Beck and I both notice the shift in his mood immediately. I sit up, worried as hell that something happened to Hold or Julian or the kids. Beck stands to reach for Roman, and my heart almost pounds right out of my chest with fear.

He gives us a shaky little smile, and I relax marginally. “You’re joking,” he whispers. “What’s he like? I’ve got Beck and Eli here. Can I put you on speaker?”

He must say yes because Roman pulls the phone from his ear and then Uncle Hold’s voice comes over the line. “No. I’m not kidding. I’m freaking out, Ro. How do I have a twenty-eight-year-old brother I knew nothing about?”

“What?” Beck whispers, but I don’t think he’s expecting an answer.

A brother. Holden has a brother.

“How did he find you?” Roman asks, but I barely hear him.

A brother. He’s twenty-eight, so older than me, but younger than Hold by what? Eight years? What does that mean? How does that even happen?

Beck sinks back against the couch beside me, but I barely notice. I glance at Roman. I’m expecting to see shock or worry or fear—after all, he’s been Holden’s family for a long time—but what I see instead is… hope. Like this sweet, hopeful, happy look, and something sharp twists in my heart .

My first thought is, what does this mean for me? And that makes the pain just a little sharper. It means nothing. Not really. I mean, it’s great for Holden, and this is not about me at all.

A brother, though. He has a brother. A real brother. They share blood.

I don’t think that matters to Holden, though. He and Roman are closer than any other brothers I’ve ever met. But… what if that means he won’t want us anymore? What if his brother has kids? A real niece and nephew, and not just… me.

What if it changes things?

Holden is one of my favorite people. The one who took me under his wing. Who told me that I could dress however I wanted and made me believe it, the one who taught me how to do my makeup, the one who helped me feel comfortable in my own skin.

He’s special to me.

What if this changes that?

That’s irrational. I know it is. I can’t breathe, though. I really can’t and I’m starting to freak out. My hands are shaking, my breath coming in choppy pants, my palms starting to sweat.

“Are you okay, Eli?” Beck asks, cutting through my panic.

“Yeah—I… yes. Processing.” I push myself to my feet, rushing to the kitchen for water.

I lean against the counter, taking small sips while I try to remember my breathing exercises and get my heart back under control.

When I’ve finally managed it and step into the living room, Roman’s not on the phone anymore and he and Beck are sitting side by side in quiet conversation. I can’t hear them from the doorway, but I don’t think I really need to.

I watch them for a second, something awful building inside me.

It’s rare that I spiral this way these days, and I know it’s because of my spiral that I feel the way I do right now.

But something about the way they’re sitting together makes me feel…

other. I’ve felt that way too many times in my life, and I can’t stomach feeling it right now.

I clear my throat. “I had a long day. I think I’m gonna go lie down.”

Two sets of Concerned Dad Eyes shoot to me, and I have to admit, it does make me feel a little warm inside. Beck nods. “Okay, Eli. We love you. Let us know if you need anything.”

“I love you guys too.”

I make my way into my old bedroom, closing the door behind me after Kassie noses her way past it, then climb into my bed. I love this room. It used to bring me so much joy. To have something to myself that I could make my own.

It feels oppressive tonight.

I curl up under my blankets, inhaling the scent of home.

It’s hard to tell how long I lie awake, but when I hear the door to my dads’ room shut, I wait a respectable amount of time and climb off my bed. Kassie perks up, her brown eyes tracking me, and then she’s following me out of my door.

I tiptoe down the hall like a child and push their door open.

Beck looks up, alerted by the creak, and waves me in.

I pad across the floor toward their bed while Kassie lies down in the dog bed they still keep for her in their room.

At this rate, the only thing I’m missing is a blanket trailing along the floor behind me.

I almost want to laugh at myself, but there’s nothing wrong with needing and wanting comfort from the people who love you, so instead, I climb up the end of the bed and crawl between the two of them.

The first time I did this, I was scared out of my damn mind—shaking and nauseous—that I was going to be turned away. Those fears are long gone.

Beck wordlessly adjusts the blanket, tucking it around my face with a grin, and presses a kiss to my forehead. Roman shifts, wrapping his arm around my stomach with a whispered, “Love you, kiddo,” and then he’s out like a light.

This is the safest place in the world. I snuggle deeper into the bed and close my eyes, trying to get my body to relax, but it’s basically no use. My thoughts are too loud.

“Hey, Dad?”

Beck’s the only one awake, so he hums. “Yeah?”

“Do you think this means Uncle Holden won’t want us anymore?” What I really mean is me. Does he think Uncle Holden won’t want me anymore?

Beck’s quiet for a second, and then he’s rolling to his side and bracing above me.

There’s a sort of soft compassion on his face.

Compassion I’ve been the lucky recipient of since he set me down and cleaned the blood off my bruised and battered face the day I lost one family and became a part of this one.

“No, Eli. This doesn’t mean that at all.

Our hearts have such great capacity for growth and for love. ”

“I know,” I whisper, shame burning my stomach. I knew it was stupid to be worried about it.

“Your fears and feelings are valid.” I almost giggle.

Always with the validation. I love it, but sometimes he takes the stuff we learned in family therapy a little more seriously than I did.

“But,” he continues, booping me on the nose.

This time I do laugh. “We don’t feed those fears, yes?

You know Holden loves us. Does loving the kids at Safe Haven make you love Uncle Holden less? ”

I shake my head. “Of course not.”

He smiles at me. “Exactly. Holden’s heart is big enough to love both you and his brother,” he says, mirroring my actual worries and proving how well he knows me. “Besides, I don’t know if you know this, but you’re pretty irreplaceable. I’d like to see someone try. They’d fail miserably. ”

“Ugh. You’re my dad, though. You have to say that.

” Except, I had a dad who would have never said that.

Who told me to get out and leave and never come back.

A dad who didn’t even come close to loving me as much as Beck and Roman do.

“I know,” I whisper, giving him a slight nod. “Thank you for talking me down.”

“Anytime.” He lies back down and lets out a little happy sigh.

“And thanks for letting me sleep in bed with you guys,” I add, almost as an afterthought.

“Anytime,” he repeats. “My world is never more right than when I have you and Roman with me.”

That makes me feel like I’m floating. It always does. I’m so fucking lucky to have them.