Page 26 of Tangled Hearts (Mended Hearts #4)

What the actual fuck? I look around, trying to find the stupid fuck. My search is interrupted when Eli makes a strangled sound and pitches forward, his hands landing on my thighs. “Help,” he gasps.

My entire world narrows to him. Fuck everyone else. My brother. His dads. All of it.

The guy beside me pipes up. Why the fuck is he still here? “He saw me standing there, and I think he thought I was someone else. I don’t know, man. He just started freaking out.”

I grab Eli’s face in my hands and force his gaze up. Wide, frantic eyes meet mine. His false bravado is gone—just pure desperation and panic are staring back at me.

I haul him into my lap, wrapping my arm around his back. “You’re okay.”

Eli shakes his head. “You are,” I repeat. “Breathe. You can do it.”

Another headshake. Fuck, this is so much worse than last time.

“I’m sorry,” the man says, trying to move closer to Eli. “I’m so sorry, kid. ”

“Back the fuck up,” I growl, squeezing Eli tighter to me, holding the back of his head and tucking his face against me so he doesn’t have to look at this guy.

Movement catches my attention; Beck kneels beside us with Roman. Wren’s hand disappears from Eli’s shoulder as Julian ushers her away. I pull Eli even closer. No fucking way are they taking him away from me. His chest heaves against mine. “Feel my breaths?”

He nods. Choppy. “Good. Follow them.”

He tries. God, he tries so fucking hard. “Come on, little doll,” I whisper, hopefully low enough that no one else hears me, but even if they do? I don’t know that I really fucking care at this point.

A shuddering breath, a slight slump in Eli’s body. “He can’t hurt you now, Eli.”

A hand lands on my back. Not Eli’s. Beck’s. I look at him. He looks so fucking worried. But not mad. Just worried and sad. He nods at me. Not that I needed his permission.

I slide my hand into Eli’s hair. “Take another breath for me.”

His chest rises and falls, shallow but better. “Good. So fucking good,” I murmur. “Come back to me.”

Eli shudders in my hold, then nods and just… fucking falls apart. His body goes listless as he lets out a broken sob that cuts right through me. It’s quickly followed by another and then another. His body shakes as he breaks down. Roman whimpers, but I can’t focus on that.

Beck lets go of me, and I catch him turning toward Roman. “He said bio dad,” I say, holding Eli a little tighter. “I think he thought that guy was him.” I catch sight of Holden, and he’s staring at us, confusion marring his features.

I try to adjust Eli, and he whines. “Don’t let go.”

“I won’t,” I whisper .

For the longest while, I just hold him, run my fingers through his hair, and touch his temples and his forehead. He shudders and whines and cries against me until finally, he relaxes, all his energy leaving him at once.

He sits back, wiping his face, and then he looks around at everyone. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t you dare apologize,” Beck says.

“Okay,” Eli whispers. “I just… Where is he?”

“Not here,” Julian says. “He felt bad for scaring you, but he left.”

Eli whimpers, burying his face against my throat.

I shush him. “Don’t think about it. It wasn’t him, and even if it was, do you think this big-ass family of yours is going to let anything happen to you?”

Eli moves from his hiding place and glances around, then shakes his head. “No.” He sniffles, wiping his nose with his hoodie sleeve. “Can we leave? I’m sorry. I don’t mean to ruin the day. I just—I want to go. I want to go home.” His voice cracks, tears threatening to spill again.

Beck stands. “Do you want us to go home with you?”

Eli looks at me. I don’t know why. But then he shakes his head. “No. I’m okay. I should call an Uber. I don’t want to ruin your day.”

Beck scoffs. “Do you hear this kid?” he asks, leaning into Roman.

“You could never ruin anything,” Roman says softly. “Let’s go.”

Eli nods, climbs off my lap, and stands. He shakes out his hands.

“You okay, Eli?” Wren asks, taking a cautious step toward him.

“I’m okay,” he assures her. “I’m sorry.”

She shakes her head. “Don’t be sorry. Can I hold your hand?”

Eli holds his hand out to her, and she takes it. I stay seated, watching as they start making their way back down the mountainside. Holden and Julian take off after them, clutching Warren’s hands between them. Can’t say I blame him .

Beck and Roman share a glance, then Beck holds a hand out to me, helping me up off the ground. “Go ahead, beautiful. I want to talk to Nic for a second.”

Fuck. Okay. Makes sense.

Roman nods once, then turns and jogs to catch up with everyone else.

Beck and I make our way down the trail. My stomach is in knots, but I’m ready to face whatever he throws at me.

“Are you okay?”

That gives me pause. “Me?”

He nods but doesn’t look at me. “Yeah, you. My entire world just had a panic attack in your lap, and you handled it. That’s a lot. So, are you okay?”

His entire world. I am so fucking fucked. “Yeah, I—uh, I think so.”

He hums. “It’s okay if you’re not. It’s a hard thing to deal with.” He sounds like he’s speaking from experience. “How much do you know about the reason Roman started The Hart Foundation?”

“Not much. Just that it means a lot to all of you.”

“It means a lot to all of us because it’s directly related to my husband and to your brother.”

“Holden?” I ask, looking at him.

Beck nods. “Yeah, that’s his story to tell, though.

I’m sure he will one day. Roman, though.

Piece of shit dad. Bad upbringing. Physical abuse.

Emotional abuse. If you can imagine it, he probably went through it.

It could have broken him, but he didn’t let it.

He started The Hart Foundation instead. He built something beautiful out of what happened to him. And Eli is a direct product of that.”

I don’t know what to say, so I don’t say anything at all. I’m not sure if it’s wise. “Eli trusts you.”

He shouldn’t. “Yeah,” I croak .

“I won’t ask you to betray that trust. But… is he struggling? Is this common? Are we missing something?”

“The panic attacks?”

Beck stops, so I stop too, turning to face him. This is not a dad about to read me the riot act for my inappropriate feelings for his son. This is a dad worried and heartbroken for his child. “Is he having a hard time?”

I shake my head. “I don’t think so.” At least he hasn’t been. The last few days. It feels like a lie, though, because he’s not very okay right now, and it’s my fault.

“Nightmares?”

This is twice now that nightmares have been brought up. I shake my head. “I don’t think so.”

Beck laughs, but it sounds sad. “Trust me, you’d know.

I’m surprised. I don’t know what happened yesterday, but I was up half the night with a screaming Roman.

” My mind flips back to a sad and crying Eli coming in the front door after work last night.

“He hasn’t wanted to talk about it yet. When Eli was younger and still lived with us, if they had a bad day, it was like a cruel game in the middle of the night.

Me bouncing from room to room, trying to keep them both safe from the monsters while they slept. I’m glad Eli’s not having nightmares.”

Me fucking too. But I can’t help but wonder if the reason he didn’t is that he slept with me. Beck’s right. I would have noticed with how tightly I had him wrapped in my arms, how close his body was to mine.

“Thank you,” Beck says, devastating me. “Thank you for taking care of him. I don’t have words for how much I appreciate it.”

That about does me in. He’s thanking me.

I don’t deserve his thanks. I have to stop this.

I can’t be this person. They saw their son fall apart in my arms, and they didn’t see anything wrong.

They just saw me taking care of him. None of my feelings.

Because they fucking trust me. Because they think I’m fucking good. Something cold settles in my stomach.

I follow Beck the rest of the way down, my heart pounding furiously and my feet feeling like lead weights.

They saw me, my naked feelings—holding, touching, and whispering to their son. Like he’s mine. Like I have any fucking right to touch him.

They saw safety.

They saw family.

I’m a fucking fraud.