Page 25 of Tangled Hearts (Mended Hearts #4)

Nic

A m I standing right outside the living room, shame-spiraling while also feeling left out of the “family outing”? Yes. I am actually.

“Where’s Nic?” Roman asks.

“I don’t know,” Eli says. “Probably still in bed.”

“Well, go get him up. He’s coming too.”

Something inside me warms. They weren’t planning on leaving me out, but fuck, I almost wish they were. Eli sighs, sounding a little put out.

I’m debating the merits of rushing back to my room when he rounds the corner and slams right into me. He tilts his head back and levels me with a glare. “Of fucking course. We’re back to this. Ugh.” His nose turns up in disgust. “Get dressed. Family adventure.”

“Yes, sir.” I give him a mock salute and turn quickly on my heel so he doesn’t catch the smile on my face.

When I finish getting dressed and step into the living room, Beck and Roman are sitting together on the couch. Roman has his head resting on Beck’s shoulder, eyes closed. “Where’s Eli?” comes out of my mouth against my better judgement.

Roman doesn’t move, but Beck looks at me. “Taking Kas out. Are you ready?”

I nod. “What are we doing?”

Beck shrugs, jostling Roman’s head. Roman sits up and narrows his eyes before leaning back over and taking his place again. My heart pounds, even as I smile, because that one look was so fucking Eli. “Holden didn’t say. Just called this morning, told us to gather the family and get to his house.”

“Sounds good to me.”

Beck hums, settling back against the couch and closing his eyes. “Would have been nice if he hadn’t. I was sleeping pretty damn good when he called at the ass-crack of dawn. Fucking CT. Too much energy.”

I let out a startled laugh. “I’m sorry. What?”

Roman laughs but still doesn’t open his eyes. “You haven’t heard anyone call him CT yet?”

Beck’s eyes pop open. “Oh shit. This is perfect. Call him CT today. Please.”

“That’s a bad idea,” Eli says, stepping up behind me.

“Hush it, kid,” Beck says. “Let me have this.”

Eli laughs. “No. We like Nic, Dad. We want him alive. Don’t get him in trouble so quickly.”

We like Nic. I can’t help but smile. “I’m not scared. What does CT mean?”

Roman cackles. It’s endearing. But I’m so fucking confused.

“Chaos twink,” Beck says, laughing like he just said the funniest thing in the world .

“You—” I stop, looking around, wondering if I’m being punked. “You want me to call my brother a chaos twink?”

Beck shrugs again. “If the shoe fits, you know?”

“Don’t do it,” Eli mumbles. “Just—I’m trying to save you here. Don’t.”

“Please,” Beck says, sticking his lip out at me.

“Are you pouting at me?”

“It works on Roman.”

“I’m sure,” I say, smirking. Not that I have any room to judge. Eli’s pout would work on me.

“Well,” Eli says, walking to the front door. “We better go.”

Beck and Roman peel themselves off the couch and follow Eli to the door. “Do you guys want to ride with us?” Beck asks, sliding his hand into Roman’s.

I glance at Eli. We need to talk. About last night and this morning. Only that’s probably not a good idea, right? “Sure,” he says.

Well shit. Okay. I guess that’s that. Probably for the best.

I follow them wordlessly out to the car.

How the fuck am I supposed to spend the entire day around them and hide my feelings?

Really fucking carefully, I guess. I take a breath and climb into the back seat, closing the door behind me.

Eli climbs in beside me and buckles himself in. He seems totally unaffected.

I wish I could feel that way. I’m still spiraling from last night. The whole fucking thing. I slept so goddamn well. Even if I woke up with a throbbing cock. It doesn’t mean anything . Yeah fucking right, tell that to my nightly jerk-off sessions in the shower.

“Ready?” Roman asks, turning to glance at us.

I nod, and Eli says, “Yep.”

The drive to Holden’s is quiet, but when we step in the front door, it quickly becomes clear it won’t stay that way. Warren is screaming because Wren broke his model plane. Julian is promising him they can build another one. Holden is rubbing his temples. Wren looks devastated.

Eli notices. Of course he does. He pulls her to the side and hugs her, whispering something to her that I can’t hear.

Beck and Roman are talking to Holden, and I’m alone.

Even though I’m not, I still am. That’s okay.

I’m building a place in this family. Slowly but surely.

I can’t just walk in and expect to fit in the same way all of them do. It’ll take time.

I have nothing but that. Hopefully. As long as I can keep my hands off Eli. I’ll have a one-way fucking ticket out of here if I can’t.

After everyone calms down and we’re on the road, I find out we’re going hiking. In the actual fucking mountains. I’m excited, even though I’m still apprehensive about the… whole situation.

“It’s so gorgeous up here,” Eli says, bouncing on his toes when we get out.

Holden and Julian help the kids out of the car, and Julian hands me and Beck each a backpack, then takes one for himself.

“Snacks, water, emergency supplies.” He winks.

“We’re taking a small circuit, so besides water, I’m not expecting us to need anything else.

But with these kids? Who fucking knows?”

I laugh. “Fair. Thank you.” I toss the backpack over my shoulder, and we start walking up the trail together. The kids run ahead. Warren keeps pausing, picking things up, and putting them in his pockets. I’m curious, so I catch up to him. “Watcha got there, buddy?”

He pulls a fist out of his pocket, showing me a handful of acorns. He smiles, skipping off ahead of me again.

It’s beautiful out here. Peaceful. I’m really out of breath, though, so I glance around, slightly confused about how this “small circuit” is kinda kicking my ass .

Roman steps up beside me. “It’s the elevation.”

“What?” I ask, my chest burning a little.

“You can’t breathe.” He laughs. “It’s the elevation. If you’re not used to it? It can really fuck you up.”

Ah. That makes so much sense. Eli comes up to my other side, brushing against me and causing me to suck in a breath. “Yeah, it takes some getting used to. But you will eventually. Unless you leave. Then I guess it won’t much matter.”

I stay quiet because what can I really say? I don’t plan on leaving, but I’ve pissed him off. I know that. But what’s the alternative? Ruining this perfect family with my fucked-up wants?

Roman falls out of step with us, and when I glance over my shoulder, he’s back with Holden, Julian, and Beck. Eli bumps my shoulder. “You’re quiet today.”

I hum.

“Thinking about last night?” he asks, his voice laced with fake innocence.

My stomach drops. “Don’t do that.”

He laughs, but it doesn’t sound like he actually finds anything funny. “Don’t what? Don’t talk about how you wrapped me up in your arms and made me feel like I mattered and then told me it didn’t fucking mean anything?”

“Eli,” I say. I can’t tell if I’m begging him to stop or if I want him to keep going. If he pushes it and crosses the line, it’s not as bad, right? But that’s fucked up. Wanting him to cross a line so I can get what I want without the guilt. It’s fucking wrong is what it is.

“You didn’t have to do that, you know?” he says, glancing at me. “You could have ignored me when I knocked. You could have turned me away. Anything would have been better than you touching me like you fucking want me and then acting like this after. ”

“Acting like what?” I ask. Fuck. I’m giving him a reaction. I’m not supposed to be giving him a reaction.

“Be fucking for real, Nicolas. You know exactly how you’re acting.”

“You guys okay?” Roman asks, effectively sending me into a spiral.

“Fine,” I call back. I lower my voice, looking over at Eli. “That’s enough, Eli.”

Hurt flashes across his face as his facade falls. Fuck. I’m fucking this up so badly. He tried so hard to get a reaction out of me, to pretend I hadn’t hurt him. To pretend he was okay, but he’s not. I have to stop doing this. “Eli.”

“No.” The word is quiet. Final. He walks ahead of me, catching up with the kids.

I walk in silence. Alone, yet again. Hey, at least this time it’s deserved.

Within a few minutes, the kids and Eli are far enough ahead of us that I can’t hear them talking to each other, even though I can see them talking.

Eli’s smiling, his head thrown back at something Wren said.

So fucking beautiful, my God. I am really fighting a losing goddamn battle.

They round a bend in the trail, disappearing from my view.

I keep my pace steady, even though I don’t like that I can’t see him anymore.

It doesn’t sit right with my soul. I’m working to convince myself that it’s fine and I’m being fucking dramatic when Warren appears around the corner, running full speed toward us.

“War?” Holden shouts from behind me, concern in his voice, but not panic. It’s probably fine, but what if it’s not? What if something happened?

“There’s a man. Something’s wrong with Eli. He’s breathing funny.”

Oh absolutely fucking not. I sprint, tossing the backpack off my shoulders and letting it hit the ground behind me .

When I round the corner, my lungs are on fucking fire.

Goddamn elevation. But that doesn’t even matter to me once I spot Eli.

He’s on his knees in the dirt, his chest heaving and his eyes wild, clutching at his throat.

Wren’s standing behind him, crying, her hand resting on his shoulder.

And maybe worst of all is the random man kneeling in front of him with his hand on Eli’s other shoulder.

I see red.

I run toward him and shove the man out of the way, dropping to my knees in front of Eli. “What’s wrong, little doll?”

He shakes his head. “My d-d-dad?”

He wants Beck and Roman? I turn around, and they’re rushing around the corner, taking in the same scene I just did. I look back at Eli. He shakes his head. “No. Bio.”