Page 15 of Tangled Hearts (Mended Hearts #4)

Nic

E li is… not doing well. I think it’s me. It has to be me, right? All his fire and spunk and things I enjoy about him? Gone.

The first few days I stayed with him, we hung out a little.

It wasn’t even anything crazy. The first morning, I was the recipient of a delicious breakfast of waffles that Eli shared with Kassie.

He only offered them to her after he double-checked with me that it was safe for her to eat them.

It was endearing and sweet. Thankfully, her vet appointment went fine and they couldn’t find any obvious cause for her seizure.

I’ve taken it upon myself to keep an eye on her in case I notice anything that needs to be checked out.

The next night, I showed him my mom’s baked mac and cheese recipe.

I actually just needed a bit of home, and in that moment, it was perfect.

We talked through dinner. About nothing of consequence, but it was still nice.

For the first time in months, I felt like a person.

I don’t really know what I did wrong, but he started spending more and more time at work.

I do anything I can to stay out of his way so I don’t make him uncomfortable .

I didn’t even get to see him at Holden’s the night I met Beck and Roman. I told him I was going to dinner and was about to ask him if he was going to be there too—I figured we could ride together if so—when he cut me off and told me that he had to stay late at the group home.

And even that hasn’t gone the way I thought it would. I kept waiting for an invitation. For him to bring up me going with him, but it never came.

Then one day, he went into his room and just stopped coming out. Two days later, I set up a search on my phone for rentals and houses for sale. Anything to get out of his hair and let him be happy.

“Uncle Nic.” Warren’s voice pulls me from my thoughts.

“Yeah, little buddy?”

Big blue eyes blink at me. “Do you want to see my new airplane Daddy got me?”

“Of course.” I give him a smile and follow him into his bedroom.

He holds up a model plane. “It’s a Boeing 747. It’s my favorite plane. Do you wanna know something?”

“Always,” I say, sitting down on his bed.

“The Boeing 747 has four engines!” He flies the plane through the air. “Do you want to know how many wheels it has? Sixteen!” he says without waiting for my answer. Would have been yes anyway. “And she has a nickname too. Do you know what it is?”

I shake my head. “No, but I bet you do. Will you tell me?”

Warren nods excitedly. “The Queen of the Skies. It’s a really big plane, Uncle Nic.”

“I don’t know,” I tease. “This one looks pretty small, kiddo.”

He giggles, his eyes dancing. “Not this one. It’s just a model. It’s not real.” He giggles again, side-eyeing me like I’ve lost my mind.

“Ohhh. That makes sense.” I wink at him .

“Hey, guys.” I glance up to find Holden standing in the doorway. “It’s time for dinner.”

I look at Warren. “Wanna race?”

“No racing in the house,” Holden scolds.

“He’s no fun,” I mock-whisper, making Warren burst into laughter. “Let’s go eat dinner, buddy.”

Warren takes off running, despite Holden’s stern warning to not run. I push to my feet and make it to the door when Holden stops me. “Is Eli okay?”

My stomach sinks. “I actually don’t know. He—um, he doesn’t talk to me.”

Worry flashes in his eyes. “Yeah…” He sighs. “He’s not really talking to me, either. Has he just been busy? I’m worried he’s trying to isolate.”

I’m worried about that too. I’m also worried that everyone will blame it on me. They should, though, really. He was fine before I came around. It’s my fault. “I’m working on finding another place to stay.”

“You can stay here,” Holden offers for the second time. The first time was after the awkward as fuck conversation when Eli broke the news that I would be staying with him.

“No. I won’t put the kids out of their rooms.” I don’t mention how I’ve basically already put Eli out of most of his house. I think his dads would probably hate me if they knew how little space he was taking up in his own home.

Holden places a hand on my forearm. “Well, the offer is there. You know we’d love to have you.”

My throat goes tight. “I know. Thank you.”

Holden smiles and we walk toward the kitchen together. I guess when I get back home, I’ll need to talk to Eli. I can’t let him isolate himself from his family. If he doesn’t want to talk to me, that’s okay, but he can’t cut off everyone else.

Throughout dinner, I keep thinking about Eli. I hope he’s okay. I barely even eat. I push my food around on my plate, smile in the right places. I hear my voice, but I couldn’t tell you what I’m saying. Holden and Julian seem completely unaware.

There’s something nagging at me, and I can’t put my finger on it. All I know is that my body may be here, but my mind and my thoughts are firmly on Eli.

He’s been quiet and withdrawn, but I don’t know him well enough to know if that’s his normal. I saw the spark in his eyes the day I went to Safe Haven with him, when he made waffles, and when Kassie licked syrup off his fingers.

I saw that same sparkle the night we made mac and cheese.

He told me he’d never made it that way before, but that it was delicious.

He damn near licked his plate clean. His lipstick was smudged a little along his bottom lip and I had to keep my eyes away from him because the sight was entirely too distracting.

My first thought was that I wanted to kiss it away and clearly thats a fucking nope thought.

A realization hits me like a bolt of lightning.

He hasn’t worn makeup. Not since… when? I can’t remember. A week… at least. Fuck. There’s been no sparkle. No color. No Eli . How did I miss that? What else have I missed?

I drop my fork and it clangs loudly against the plate. Holden stops mid-sentence, raising an eyebrow. “Are you okay?”

I nod, swallowing hard a couple of times, nausea settling in my stomach. I’m ruining him. Ruining his sparkle and shine. I’m not even surprised. How did I manage that so quickly? “Yeah. I’m okay. I need to get home. I, uh—I forgot that I told Eli I’d be home early.”

Holden shares a look with Julian that has my stomach twisting with guilt. When his eyes find mine, he looks rightfully confused. “It can’t wait until you’re done eating?”

I glance down at my half-eaten plate of food. “I’m already pretty full. I just…” I wrack my brain for a believable excuse. God, I can’t believe I’m lying to my fucking brother right now. “I’ve had a headache for a couple of days. It’s affecting my appetite.”

Did I just lie about a headache to my nurse brother? Yeah, I really did.

Holden stares at me in silence, then slowly nods. “Okay. Well, at least let me get you some leftovers. You can take some to Eli?”

Relief washes over me. “Yeah, absolutely.” I stand and rush through taking my plate to the sink and cleaning it off.

“You can just leave that,” Julian says. “I’ll load the dishwasher in a while.”

I nod, dropping the plate into the sink.

When I turn around, Julian is watching me with assessing eyes.

He steps closer, lowering his voice so only I can hear him.

“Eli is important to us. To all of us, but especially Holden.” My stomach tightens as my heart threatens to pound right out of my chest. Does he know something?

Jesus, I’m already fucking things up. “If there’s something wrong, or he’s struggling, please reach out.

He’s…” Julian pauses, like he’s thinking about what to say.

“Well, he’s had it rough at times. We worry about him. ”

Calm down, Nic. It’s not like he’s even accusing you of anything. He’s just worried about his nephew. “I definitely will,” I choke out.

I barely remember giving the kids hugs, barely remember telling Holden and Julian goodbye.

Barely remember agreeing to dinner in three days when Holden’s off work again.

Definitely remember promising I’ll get Eli here.

I’m not sure how I’m going to do that, but I guess I’ll figure it out. I have to.

I wasn’t sure what to expect when I walked in the front door. I think I kind of felt like my thoughts were imploding so badly that Eli’s must be too. That he was here, mirroring my own internal conflict. I didn’t think I’d find him curled up on the couch in oversized clothes, dead asleep.

A weight lifts off my chest for all of two seconds. Just long enough for me to realize that he’s in the living room. He came to the living room only when he knew I wouldn’t be here. The weight lands on me again. Heavier this time.

I stare at him for a second. He’s truly so fucking beautiful.

Even without his makeup. Without his adorable clothing choices.

I don’t give myself much opportunity to look at him—really look— because it will do nothing good for me.

Or for him. But for now, with my heart beating painfully and my stomach still in knots about how badly I’m fucking everything up, I let myself really look.

His lashes are so fucking long, almost touching his eyebrows when he has mascara on them.

There’s a tiny freckle on his cheek under his right eye—the only mark on an otherwise completely flawless canvas.

Not that the freckle is a flaw. Not even close.

His bottom lip is bigger than the top, giving him an almost constant pout.

My heart rate spikes. Okay, that’s enough.

I look away for a second, working hard to catch my breath.

I can’t believe I’m getting fucking breathless over my brother’s nephew.

I’m so fucked. So fucked. So fucking fucked.

My hands are shaking, my throat dry. This right here is why I don’t let myself really look at Eli .

I can’t let him sleep on the couch, though. I already feel bad enough about everything as it is without worrying if he’s going to wake up sore. I walk to the couch and sit down, careful not to jostle him too much.