Page 86 of Sketching Mr. Darcy
“And since Bingley has opened Netherfield again, we can trust him to offer any support your family might need. I am sure he will be more than willing to assume that task.”
“William, do you intend to tell Mr Bingley anything special?”
“Do you want me to tell him something special?”
“Quite the opposite. I already suggested to him that he should make his own decisions. He must learn his own heart and fight for what he wants. He must cease depending on your opinions and advice for everything in his life.”
“Your reasoning is sound. Besides, after all the distress I had to endure in the last month, it would be a relief to see him suffering too—although I doubt Miss Bennet will torment him too much. And by the way, I thought Miss Bennet looked remarkably beautiful today.”
“You are right. If Mr Bingley does the right thing, his suffering won’t be too long.”
***
After a short, yet pleasant visit with Mr Bennet, Darcy and Elizabeth returned to the drawing room.
With deep sadness, Mr Collins informed them that he would return to Kent the next morning, news cheerfully accepted by the others.
However, the information that Mr Darcy would move to Netherfield distressed Mrs Bennet as she wondered whether her daughter had somehow upset her husband.
She was relieved only when Mr Darcy asked permission to return for breakfast. Mrs Bennet assured him that nobody would eat a single gobbet before their arrival in the morning.
Darcy’s distress was painfully obvious to Elizabeth.
He still carried the fatigue of the sleepless nights in Box Hill, another night on the road, and the previous one in which he had barely slept.
Then the noise in the house, Mr Collins’s annoyance, her mother, and now a house full of guests watching him as if he were a spectacle.
How much effort he must exert to deal with everything—and for what other reason than to please her?
Before midnight, within the privacy of their small room, Elizabeth and Darcy took a brief farewell. Darkness and silence eventually fell upon Longbourn after a day equally eventful and painfully long.
***
The former Miss Elizabeth’s room was animated with the chatting of the two sisters: one speaking cheerfully, smiling more beautifully than ever, wondering about the astonishing surprise of the day, and afraid to be too happy or too hopeful.
The other listened absentmindedly, glanced out the window, and forced herself to be happy and attentive.
Very late at night, Jane retired, and Elizabeth lay in the bed, which now seemed strangely large and cold. She knew she was very tired, and her eyelids grew heavier, yet her restlessness only increased.
She realised how acutely she missed her husband, and sleep evaded her completely.
She turned from one side to the other, felt cold, then too warm, and then finally forced herself to close her eyes.
In an instant, her mind and body were invaded with memories of his caresses, his kisses, his scent, and the warmth and safety his arms gave her.
She quivered with cold shivers while she wondered what he was doing.
In less than a month, her feelings had changed from almost hating him to almost loving him! How was it possible?
“Almost”? If she only almost loved him, how was it possible that she felt so alone without him? And how was it possible that she regretted so painfully that he did not ask her to go to Netherfield with him and consummate their marriage?
Did she just admit that? Yes—that was the truth! She had been a little concerned about that possibility, but she was more eager than worried.
I want to be his wife! But how can I possibly dare tell him that ?
When Elizabeth was finally overcome with exhaustion, the servants awoke and started their duties. Another day began at Longbourn.
***
Longbourn, 8 January
A bright light breaking through the curtains told Elizabeth how late it was. She dressed, did her hair in hurry, and then hastened to the dining room. Breakfast was surely ready.
First, she went to check on her father, and with no little surprise, she discovered him sitting in the armchair fully attired and talking with Darcy. Both gentlemen smiled in welcome.
“Good morning; forgive me for being so late. Papa, are you allowed to leave your bed?”
“I most certainly am. Sit with us Lizzy. I just told your husband that it is time for you to return to London. A couple married in such unusual circumstances needs privacy.”
“I agree. But you must promise that you will send us word of anything you might need. I cannot be at peace unless I am sure that I know whether something bad happens at Longbourn.”
“I promise, my child,” Mr Bennet said, squeezing her hand. “I confess I was very worried when you left two weeks ago, Lizzy, but I am not anymore. I am more confident now that I did not force you into unhappiness.”
Elizabeth tearfully embracing her father. Darcy intended to leave, but she held his arm.
“Please stay, William. I have nothing to hide from you. Papa, let me tell one more thing: last night William was at Netherfield, and I could not sleep without him until dawn. Do you need more proof that I am not unhappy in this marriage?”
Her father stared at her with the same astonishment as her husband. She smiled, flushing .
“Indeed, child, I now understand your mother’s complaint about your tormenting her nerves. Go and speak of these ladies’ matters somewhere else. Mr Darcy and I have some business to tend,” he said, his amusement matching his disbelief. Elizabeth laughed and finally met Darcy’s eyes.
“Mr Bennet and I agreed upon several ways to improve Longbourn’s income,” he explained. “As Bingley decided to remain in the neighbourhood, he offered to help Mr Bennet.”
“He did?” Elizabeth answered with little surprise. “How lovely of him.”
“Yes, yes, Bingley is such a joyful fellow. Your mother and your sister Jane seemed very pleased by his return. I say, Darcy, somehow you succeeded in making three women from my family happy—even four if we are to count my sister Gardiner. If you have ideas for the youngest three, I am open to any suggestion,” Mr Bennet said with perfect seriousness.
Elizabeth laughed, but Darcy was at a loss as how to reply. Mr Bennet laughed too.
“I am pleased that I can still surprise you with some of my remarks, sir. I will miss you starting tomorrow, and my cousin is not here to comfort me. Sad day, indeed. Now, we had better eat and return to business later.”
***
Breakfast at Longbourn was as noisy as usual, but Mr Bennet’s company and Mr Collins’s absence made it really pleasant. Mrs Bennet split her admiration between Mr Darcy and Mr Bingley, but she obviously favoured the former.
Later in the afternoon, Mr and Mrs Bennet retired to rest, and so did the Gardiners and Dr. Taylor, while the younger gentlemen and the sisters remained in the living room.
“What would you say to a short walk? The weather is lovely,” Elizabeth proposed.
“Oh, Lizzy, what a strange idea—to walk in such freezing weather! Can we not go to Meryton with the carriage? That would be fun! ”
“No, Lydia. We have no time and no reason to go to Meryton.”
“I believe a walk would be lovely,” Jane answered, casting a charming smile. Mr Bingley approved eagerly. Mr Darcy only smiled and fetched his coat.
“As you wish, girls, we will go and return shortly,” Elizabeth addressed her younger sisters.
Elizabeth took her husband’s arm, followed by Jane shyly walking with Mr Bingley.
“I am sorry you did not sleep much last night,” Darcy said to his wife.
Her cheeks warmed despite the cold weather. “I slept enough. I spoke to Jane until late. It was lovely to spend time with her. Did you sleep well?”
“Yes. We talked a great deal and enjoyed several glasses of brandy, which were helpful.”
“I am glad…that you slept, I mean. And that you spoke to Mr Bingley. Is everything well? Did he decide his future plans? I imagine his sisters are not at all pleased with his return.”
“He seemed very decided. He is a smart man but does not trust himself enough. And yes, his sisters are quite upset. They argued when they saw him in London. He went to visit me, but obviously, I was not home. Robert told him what had happened, so after a terrible fight with Caroline, he hurried to Hertfordshire to offer his help. He said he had no hopes of his reception here, so he made no plans until after last night’s dinner.
Now, apparently, his hopes have grown significantly.
He is a good man. He deserves happiness. ”
“He might, but he also easily fell in love; you said that. Should we trust his feelings?”
“I said he was easily charmed , but many young men are. As for the strength of his feelings: I believe your sister is wise enough to decide whether she should trust them.”
A short silence followed, and then Elizabeth asked hesitantly, keeping her eyes ahead .
“I agree. It is time for both of them to be left to themselves. Will you still go to Netherfield tonight?”
“That was my intention.”
They were still walking at a relative distance from Jane and Bingley. His steps slowed, and he looked at her. “Do you want me not to go to Netherfield?” he inquired gently.
She hesitated a single moment. “Yes… Unless you prefer it that way…”
“Elizabeth, I want to be honest with you. I would rather sleep at Netherfield because I do not have the strength to share that bed with you again. Last night I needed brandy to keep my mind from you. And even while I slept, I dreamt of you. I think of little else but your skin, your scent, your warmth, your caresses, the taste of your lips… It was one thing in London as I could easily step away when you wanted me to. But here, I have nowhere to go. And the knowledge that you would allow me to take you as my wife makes the struggle more difficult. Please forgive me if my words make you uncomfortable. I never have had so little control over myself, and I am ashamed of my weakness.”