Page 59 of Sketching Mr. Darcy

Some time passed before she remembered that she needed to loosen her hair. She pulled the pins out one by one, but her fingers seemed slower and clumsier than ever before—and she scolded herself for being so foolish as to refuse her husband’s help.

More time passed until, wrapped in her blankets, Elizabeth put together everything she learnt, everything she felt, and everything she experienced that night. It was dawn before she finally surrendered to sleep, her mind still tormented as she struggled to put aside the past and imagine the future.

***

London, 3 Januar y

Dawn came, and Darcy had not slept a moment—yet he was perfectly rested.

He could not believe what he had experienced the previous day and night.

To have the burden of the past removed from his chest and to be blessed with Elizabeth’s understanding was something he could not imagine even the day before.

But it did happen, and his astonishment turned to joy.

One week after a marriage that started under such unfavourable odds, he clearly saw the advantages he personally had gained from the alliance.

And he suddenly realised that, although he believed himself in love with Elizabeth weeks before he proposed to her, he had never truly known her until the last few days.

He had been bewitched by her beauty, her wit, and her spirit, but there were so many other things to admire in her, and she fully proved her worth the previous night.

The previous night—such a mix of pain, distress, worry and delight…

Her scent still made him dizzy, and his fingers still wore the feel of her skin.

His mind vividly recollected her image as he untied her gown and touched her bare shoulders and she slightly leant towards him.

His senses screamed in frustration that he had left and broken their intimacy then.

He knew that, despite the distress she had to bear from his stories, Elizabeth also enjoyed his caresses, and she likely would have welcomed him staying longer.

And yet, he had left like a fool—he scolded himself—a fool who cared more for her than for his own desires.

Had he not loved Elizabeth as he did, had he not hoped to have her love one day, the previous night would have been a good moment to stay longer and increase their intimacy.

However, he could not allow the remembrance, years later, of their developing relationship to be so strongly bound to unpleasant histories and to shameless offenses that Elizabeth had to endure from his relatives or old acquaintances.

His concern for her was stronger than his passion .

Breakfast was still far away, so he moved to his library and requested some coffee.

He called for Stevens and instructed him in a hurry.

Then he took a paper and wrote back to his aunt.

He re-read the letter and ripped it up. It was too emotional, and it would only feed the conflict.

He opened the window to feel the chilling wind then wrote another letter.

An hour later, Elizabeth entered. Her eyes were shining, and a smile brightened her face while her cheeks were slightly coloured. He went to her, taking her hand, and he noticed her pallor and the dark circles around her eyes. She clearly had not slept much either.

She accepted a cup of tea while assuring him that she had slept very well and was pleased to see him. A warm sense of peace enveloped him, and he could not restrain from hastily kissing her cheeks. She replied with a joyful smile and deeper blushes.

“Are you working on something special?”

“No, I was just…” He hesitated a moment, like a child caught doing something naughty. “I was writing to Lady Catherine.”

She rolled her eyes in reproach.

“Elizabeth, I know you disapprove, but I cannot allow this to pass so easily. Here, this is my final version.” He handed her the letter, and she took it with obvious surprise then read:

Lady Catherine,

With astonishment and great embarrassment, I read the letter you considered proper to send to my wife, and I am deeply ashamed to admit that such words were written by a person with education and genteel breeding, who happens to be my relative.

While Mrs Elizabeth Darcy’s generous heart induced her to try to forgive the undeserved offenses she had to endure, I cannot be equally forbearing. So until further actions are taken to remedy the present situation, I shall consider that Lady Matlock is my only aunt .

However, as your ladyship has always been preoccupied with helping others, you will surely be pleased to find that, due to your letter, I gained one more opportunity to come to a better understanding with my wife and to discover even more of her remarkable qualities.

Fitzwilliam Darcy

“Oh my—this is quite harsh, William.”

“Perhaps, but well deserved, I would say. Please allow me to send it immediately.”

His determination left her little chance to object. Besides, despite her wish to not increase familial conflict, she felt rather content with his desire to protect her.

“I also spoke with Mrs Thomason earlier as I want to know how my aunt’s letter reached you without my knowing about it. I cannot allow any suspicion of distrust regarding my staff. If I discover any betrayal, measures must be taken immediately.”

“Let us hope it was only an innocent mistake. I will ask Molly about it too.”

Stevens entered and took the letter, bowing to his master.

“Everything is taken care of, sir.”

“Excellent. Keep me informed.” Darcy poured himself another cup of coffee while meeting Elizabeth’s puzzled expression.

“After our discussion last night, I realised that my decisions not to expose either Annabelle or Wickham’s true characters, only to avoid a scandal, were selfish and could be dangerous for the people around them.

I never thought of it in that way until you mentioned it to me.

We should write to your father about Wickham too—not everything but enough for him to understand the man’s true character and to be guarded against his pleasant manners. ”

“I wanted to speak to you about that too. I am happy to see we are of the same mind. Now please excuse me. I shall go and see how Georgiana is. ”

“Please wait a moment. There is something more I wish to tell you.” He met her curious expression and suddenly felt uneasy again, wondering what she was thinking.

“Last night I realised that, while I kept thanking you for your commitment to this marriage, I have hardly done my share. I have spent very little time with you since we married.”

“Oh, it is easy to understand. You are very busy and—”

“The main concern of a married man should be his wife—and only the remaining time should be split among his duties. It depends on whether the wife wished to spend time with the man—and how much.”

She blushed and laughed nervously. “A married woman’s main concern should be her husband, and if the husband possesses a strong character, education, intelligence and pleasant manners, the wife will surely want to spend as much time with him as possible.”

Her eyes shone as a blush spread lower on her neck. He kissed her hand.

“I hope I meet at least some of those requirements. Because it is my intention, Mrs Darcy, to start doing what is already long overdue.” His voice sounded light, but Elizabeth felt that even her ears were burning as she tried to guess what he meant.

“It is my intention to court you properly, as I should have done before we married. You cannot sketch my character in an advantageous way—nor can I gain your affection—if I do nothing to deserve it. I convinced you to accept my marriage proposal, then I took you from your family and friends, and I expected you to adapt to your new life. Not to mention that I have exposed you to some terrible stories that would disturb even the strongest of men. You deserve much more, yet you did not receive the smallest amount of attention that a woman—a wife—deserves. That will change this instant. I hope you do not disapprove.”

“No, not at all. Any woman would be flattered and pleased to be courted. Of course, it depends on the gentleman who is courting her. In that, a woman has little choice,” she attempted to joke, and he smiled.

“Unfortunately, you have even less choice since you are rather stuck with me already. But I shall struggle to make you feel at least a little pleased and flattered by my effort.”

He took her hand with great solemnity, and she laughed nervously.

“I am sure your efforts will be appreciated, sir.”

“Sadly, you may be disappointed as my courting skills are rather poor. I did not…I have never courted anyone before, so in this you may be more experienced than I am. I count on your kindness to help me correct my clumsiness and improve myself. Lady Catherine always says that one cannot be truly proficient if one does not practice constantly. Just another of her pieces of advice that is helpful to me.”

Despite his light tone, her emotions grew, and she felt uneasy in a delightful way.

Of all the women who attempted to draw his attention, did he find none tempting enough to show her any attention?

And what did he mean by courting her properly?

Other than conversation, dancing, walking together, some small gestures of affection, what else can there be?

He already did all those things—and even more: he had kissed her, caressed her, and even untied her gowns—things that surely did not usually happen during a courtship.

“I cannot claim much experience either, but I see the wisdom in Lady Catherine’s advice. I am no longer surprised that my cousin Mr Collins holds her ladyship in such high esteem.”