Page 53 of Sketching Mr. Darcy
Her mind reeled with the words: she was worth nothing more than to provide an heir for him, and the entire family considered her just that.
After all, did not Lady Stafford say the same thing?
It seemed the most rational explanation for his insisting on marrying her—only she had been a fool to not see it.
For a moment, her reason shyly recollected Georgiana’s words, but she abruptly banished such favourable thoughts, angry with herself for being so easily deceived.
She lay on the bed, staring at the fire, frozen and pale, while tears fell freely down her face, painfully missing someone to really care for her, to hold her hands, and to comfort her turmoil.
***
Darcy had spent the entire afternoon in his library, attempting to read though he could not put away the feeling that something troubled Elizabeth greatly.
He questioned Georgiana, but she pretended ignorance of his meaning.
He was not deceived by his young sister but decided not to insist further as he was content to see her protecting Elizabeth’s privacy.
As the afternoon progressed, Mrs Annesley informed him that his sister would stay in her room and read for a few days, and that Mrs Darcy was keeping her company—and he had inquired no further.
Mrs Annesley also announced that she would have dinner with Georgiana in her room, and he felt a strange sense of excitement at the idea of being for the first time alone with Elizabeth for dinner one week since they wed.
He wondered whether he should ask for a special arrangement, but he discarded the idea immediately. Surely, she would be made uncomfortable by such a spectacle in front of the servants. However, he could invite her to have a glass of wine and talk a little more, only the two of them, after dinner.
He knocked at her door and stopped as he received no answer. Lucky was barking, and he knocked again—then slowly opened the door.
The room was dark, and he first believed that Elizabeth was sleeping, so he attempted to withdraw, closing the door in silence. But Lucky ran to the bed and licked her hand, receiving a caress on his head from his mistress.
Darcy was impelled to step closer. “Elizabeth, forgive me for disturbing you. I was wondering whether you are ready for dinner. Are you well?”
“I am well,” she replied with a weak yet sharp voice. “I am resting a moment longer, and I shall prepare for dinner soon.” He looked at her through the darkness, lit only by the fire. She did not move from the bed as she continued to pet the dog.
Darcy froze, recognising the distress she tried so hard to conceal and wondering what could have happened to put her in such a state.
He knew she had been in a poor mood when she returned home, but she seemed to be much worse now.
She turned her back to him. He sat on the edge of the bed, close enough to see her face, hidden against the pillow.
“Elizabeth, what happened? You are not well. Please tell me what is wrong.”
“Nothing happened; everything is as it is. I am just… I shall ring for Molly.”
She rose from the bed, avoiding his gaze. He was ready to leave, giving her the privacy she seemed to desire, when his eyes dropped to a piece of paper fallen on the carpet.
“Here—you dropped something. I think it is a letter.”
He took it, handed it to Elizabeth, and startled when she cried, “Give it to me. Do not read it!”
Elizabeth’s reaction disturbed Darcy greatly, and the reason for her distress was obvious.
He was uncertain how to proceed. He did not see well, but he thought the writing seemed familiar.
His heart nearly stopped beating, imagining the letter might have been from Wickham, and he tried to dismiss that troubling thought while speaking further.
“You are so troubled by that letter that you can barely hold your tears. I shall not invade your privacy if the letter is of a personal nature and completely unrelated to me. Is it?”
She remained silent then moved to the window, hiding the letter in her fist.
“So it is related to me. You cannot expect me to ignore it since it affected you so.”
She finally faced him, and the effort of fighting her tears was painful to watch.
“It is from Lady Catherine de Bourgh, but I do not want you read it. It is so…”
Elizabeth saw him pale, his eyes and lips narrowing in an anger that twisted his features. He took her hand gently. Her grip was tight, and he slowly opened her hand. She resisted a moment longer but soon gave up and allowed him to take the paper, then sat on the bed, turning away from him.
After a time that seemed like hours, she heard him whispering.
“Oh, Lord, I am so deeply sorry. Please forgive me. I am so very sorry…”
Her tearful eyes turned to him, and with disbelief, she saw him kneel to the floor near the bed. “I do not even know what to say. This is… I never imagined that…”
“I did not expect such a thing,” she murmured.
“That is why I was so shocked. I imagine what she said is true. Even you told me that your wish in this marriage is to have an heir. But I do not understand. People keep telling me that you married me to have an heir as if it were something horrible. I do not understand, and I almost fear to meet people as I am not sure what they will say. I am at a loss to know how I should react. I do not want to expose myself to criticism by improper behaviour in public, but I cannot accept being attacked.”
He stared at her, then kissed her hands, as pale and disturbed as before. His eyes were telling her he wished to say more, but he seemed unable to speak.
“Everything is my fault. I failed to protect you as I should. But I did not marry you only to provide me with an heir, Elizabeth. I hope you know that.”
She tried to swallow the sudden lump in her throat while he kissed her hands again.
“Lady Catherine sent me a very angry letter, and I replied to her in the deserved manner. I should have imagined that she might write to you directly. I shall solve this immediately. You will not be bothered again, I promise you. I will write her back this instant.”
He attempted to rise, but she held his hands. “William, wait—please sit.”
Darcy immediately obeyed, their hands still entwined.
“It is of no use to respond to Lady Catherine. Fighting with her would bring nothing but more anger. You may best protect me by telling me the entire truth. I can bear anything if I know where the danger might come from. You told me about your family and about your properties… Is there anything further you have kept from me?”
He slowly cupped her face with warm hands and with small kisses wiped the remaining tears from her lashes.
“I did not intend to keep them from you, but there are details I have not told you yet as I thought they would make you uncomfortable. But it seems that, again, I misjudged the best way of handling things.”
He invited her to sit in the armchair, and he took the seat opposite her near the small table by the window.
“First, I will tell you a few more things about my aunt. She is my mother’s sister, and my cousin Anne bears my mother’s name.
Anne is very amiable but shy and lonely.
She spends most of her time at Rosings, and she is rarely in company.
Her health seems precarious, but we are not sure whether this is so or just my aunt’s imagination. ”
“I am truly sorry for her…”
“Yes, I too. Robert and I have visited her every Easter for the last five years. Since we were infants, my aunt insisted that I should marry Anne, and she pretended that my mother had the same desire, but I never heard such expectations. I never intended to marry Anne, and I made myself clear without hurting their feelings. It is my fault that I was not more vigorous in expressing my opinion.”
“I understand… I can imagine her anger when she heard the news.”
“Going further to the other subject, I already told you about my properties. Pemberley was left to my father by his mother. All the other estates came from my grandfather Darcy’s line, and they are entailed on heirs male.
If either James or I do not provide such heirs, the other will inherit all the properties.
The only exception is Pemberley and our town houses, which both of us received from our mothers. ”
“But surely neither you nor James needs to worry about that, at this young age! It is quite ridiculous, really! And even if that were so, neither of you is in danger of poverty. You both have impressive means for a carefree life for you and your future families—even if you should have no heirs or only daughters. Why do people make this sound so dramatic?”
“I have no worry that I might be reduced to poverty. Pemberley is more than enough for my family. Both Lord Matlock and I are preoccupied by this because—it pains me to say it—my cousin James makes no effort to develop responsibility or wisdom. Taking care of so many properties is a daunting task. They need hard work, time, and engagement, as they are the source of income not only for the master but also for the tenants, their families, and many others. And James…A few months ago he lost a very important sum of money on cards and dice games, and he put up his present estate as a guaranty. I purchased his debts to save his property, but I expect it to happen again.”
“I imagine this is not an easy subject for you to speak of. Thank you for sharing it with me.”
“It is not easy, but I am relieved that I spoke with you. I did not tell you all these details sooner because we had been married for just a few days, and I did not want you to feel forced or rushed in taking the next step. I trust everything will be fine at the right moment. I did not marry you to provide me an heir but because I knew you were the perfect choice for me. I only hope that someday you will consider me the perfect choice for you too and not regret your decision to accept my proposal.”
“I do not regret it,” she replied, emotion thrilling her voice and colouring her face. He took her hands in his on the table, while he responded with only a small smile.