Page 65 of Sketching Mr. Darcy

“You are always in hurry to leave before I have time to speak my mind. I find this to be a very unpleasant habit, if I may be so bold as to say so. It was not my intention to push you away. I only wished you to stop for a moment. I never expected a kiss to be so… I could not breathe, and I did not know what to do. And then you left. You behave very strangely when we are alone. I do not know what you want, and that confuses me about what I want! You are a very annoying man sometimes, truly! This is so infuriating. I hope you are pleased that I just made a fool of myself!” She was tearful from distress and annoyed to see him staring at her so stupidly.

She left his room and slammed the door behind her, and both Molly and Lucky looked at her with curiosity and concern. She then sat in front of her mirror and started to brush her hair. Hateful man, indeed!

***

Darcy remained motionless in the middle of his room.

He had left her chamber half an hour earlier, ashamed and angry with himself for allowing his weakness to control his reason.

He had been so intoxicated by her beauty, so enchanted by everything that happened that day and evening that the moment his hands touched her skin, warming her feet, he could think of little else except wanting more.

He saw and felt her acceptance, heard her soft moans, noted her beautiful eyes darkening, felt her lips opening for him, and her body slightly moving beneath his…

He did not intend to go further than kisses and caresses that evening, but he did that with such savage haste that he frightened her—so she cried and begged him to stop.

Instead of her enjoying the delight of their new intimacy, she was surprised by what seemed to be more an attack than a passionate mutual discovery.

The moment he left her room, he struggled to return and to apologise again, but what was to be said? How could he explain the feelings he struggled to overcome for more than three months, the passion he tried to control, or the desire and urges he worked to suppress?

As the fool he was, he waited too long, and she came to him with a most astonishing reproach, angry and embarrassed, more beautiful than ever—and again he stood like a dolt, struggling to comprehend the meaning of her words.

When he finally understood, he opened the door without knocking.

Elizabeth avoided his gaze, brushing her hair with increased diligence.

“Molly, will you please leave now. You may retire for the night. Mrs Darcy will not need your services,” he said, his eyes still on his wife.

***

Darcy stepped closer and stopped at the back of her chair. He put his hands on her shoulders then slowly urged her to stand. He cupped her face with strong, warm palms so she would meet his eyes. He was worried because she was still irritated.

“Elizabeth, I do not remember a task more daunting than keeping my promise to you. And I have never been so tempted to break the promise I made. That is why I left while I still have a shred of reason. I did not trust myself to stay a moment longer because my desire for you almost overcomes my self-control. Yet I do not want to force your decision in any way. I may behave foolishly, and my only excuse might be that it is the first time in my life that I have faced such a struggle. Please believe me that your well-being, your comfort, and your feelings are more important to me than my own, and that makes my struggle even more difficult. And that is why I keep apologising like a fool.”

“Oh…” she whispered, astounded. Such a profession she did not expect, and while her face, neck and ears were burning from embarrassment, she daringly held his troubled gaze.

She sat on the bed, as her knees suddenly weakened, and stretched her hand to him in a silent invitation.

He stood by her, and she spoke hesitantly.

“William…I am not certain of my feelings or my desires, as this is the first time in my life that I must face such a st ruggle.” She smiled with distress as she mirrored his words.

“And I am not ready to release you from your promise just now, this moment…but this entire day—from early morning until now in the middle of the night—has brought me such joy and happiness as I have never felt before. I enjoy your company…very much…and when you left, I felt cold and lonely.”

“I hoped for a long time that one day you would feel cold and lonely without me,” he said hoarsely.

Their lips almost met once more when Lucky jumped on the bed, attempting to slink near Elizabeth, uncertain what was happening.

Elizabeth sent him to his place, but the dog sniffed and moved even closer to her.

Instead of sharing a passionate kiss, Elizabeth burst out in laughter, and Darcy soon joined her.

Their foreheads touched and their arms entwined in an embrace as their laughter continued.

Finally, Elizabeth found a compromise solution: she pulled the sheets apart and commanded Lucky to sleep at her feet, which he reluctantly accepted.

She then slowly leant back against the pillows, and her eyes spoke clearly to her husband.

He stretched near her and remained still, and they were so close that their faces almost touched.

“I shall stay until you ask me to leave, and I shall not leave until I am certain it is what you wish.”

“As always, your plan seems excellent,” she replied, her voice slightly trembling.

They gazed at each other, and his hand tentatively caressed her hair. Her hand reached for his, and their fingers entwined.

“We should teach Lucky to sleep in the next room,” he said, and she laughed again.

“He only attempted to protect me since he did not know what happened either. But he will become accustomed to what is happening… He is calm when I am.”

“I am glad to hear you are calm now… ”

“I did not say that—not at all. I am trying to become accustomed to what is happening too.”

His fingers traced a gentle caress on her temple, her cheeks, the delicate line of her jaw, and her chin and then brushed lightly over her lips.

“I am not calm either—quite the contrary. Your closeness makes me happy—and nervous. You are so very beautiful,” he whispered.

Tentatively, she started to mirror his moves, caressing his face just as he did.

When her fingers reached his mouth, he held and kissed each of them.

She shivered and closed her eyes, waiting.

But the kiss she expected did not come. Instead, she felt his caresses move down to her throat and her shoulders, burning each spot that was not covered by her nightgown.

His fingers were brushing her bare skin so gently that she wondered whether he was touching her or she was merely dreaming it.

She opened her eyes and met his dark gaze then closed them again.

She felt his fingers returning to her hair while his lips finally claimed hers—soft and gentle.

Her hands lowered from his face to his neck, and his fingers slid the length of her bare arms up to her shoulders, her neck, and then back to her hair.

His kiss grew more insistent, but his caresses remained gentle and patient.

With tender movements, barely touching the soft fabric of her gown, his hand moved along her body, exploring every spot of uncovered skin—and encircled her waist for a moment.

She moaned as her lips parted, welcoming the kiss that became more passionate, eager, and demanding.

Her heart nearly stopped when his fingers, gliding up along her ribs, touched the sides of her breasts.

She tensed, and he could feel it, so he broke the kiss, looking at her, yet his hand remained on the same spot.

She slightly opened her eyes and met his, then she moaned again when his fingers moved gently, tentatively, brushing against the spot where her heart was beating and burning her through the thin silk.

She called his name, and he stilled his hand, but her mouth turned to seek his.

Before he claimed her lips again, he whispered hoarsely.

“We will also learn the meaning of passion and desire together, my love .”

His words troubled her in a way she could not comprehend as her mind was unable to reach anything but the overwhelming feeling of his caresses.

She intended to ask more, but her mouth was trapped, and she completely surrendered to the new kiss, wondering how it was possible to be so different each time.

Her hands found their way into his hair while her heart raced so wildly that she was certain his fingers could feel it.

Even she could hear the beats of her heart more powerfully than ever before.

She needed a few long moments and her husband withdrawing to realise it was not her heart but a strong, determined knock on the door followed by Stevens’ voice calling for his master.