Page 83

River Ashland

C rown let out a hollow laugh, cracking something inside of him. His eyes dropped for a single beat of my heart, then lifted and locked on me with a heat that made it damn near impossible to breathe.

"I'm not playing with anything," I answered, voice trembling. "I'm fighting for your heart. How can you not see that?"

"What I see is you playing mind games. Bringing me back here, like this ain't where I fell in love with you."

"I brought you here because this is where we met," I countered, honestly confused by the shift in his tone.

"You don't hear me, Four, and that's the muthafuckin' problem." His voice rose. "You never listen. And when you do, you only hear what you wanna hear."

"Then tell me what I'm missing," I begged. "Help me understand."

Crown stepped closer, his hand trembling as he pointed at me. His voice was raw, his hurt bleeding out in every word spoken.

"Where we met is the same place I fell in love with you, Four.

It's synonymous. That night Chosyn was wildin', I looked into your pretty ass eyes and fell.

Then I woke up next to you, your curls wild, your eyes doubled, and I fell deeper.

I was gone off you from the start. And I told you, multiple times in different ways.

I let it be known what it was with you.. . what it was for us."

I tried to swallow the lump forming in my throat, but it sat there, heavy and unmoving.

"Crown... " I croaked, my voice barely a whisper. If I didn't say something, I was going to lose him forever. "I love you. I don't know what else you want?—"

"You keep saying you love me," he cut in, "but I don't feel that shit, Four. Maybe that's some shit a bitch is supposed to say, but that's how I'm feeling. I wanna be loved... and I wanna feel it too."

"Have I not shown you?"

"Nah, you haven't." He shook his head. "And this ain't no tit-for-tat type shit, but I've gone above and beyond to show you how much I love you.

I killed for you and put a ring on your finger, not to mention I was ready to give you my last name.

I showed up and slept on a damn couch when you said you needed space.

And even when you had me fucked up, I still parked outside your crib every night 'cause sleep made no sense without you next to me. "

I took a step back, not for space, but for air. The guilt was swallowing me whole.

"What do you want me to do? I'll do anything. I'll kill over you, just point them out and I'll?—"

"I want you to care," he gritted. "Show a nigga you give a fuck whether I'm in your life or not. Love me like you love that nigga who could've taken me from you if his aim wasn't trash."

"I didn't know you then, and I didn't know he was aiming at you! And you... you killed his sister," I snapped.

"Killing that bitch was the least I could do, considering the nigga thought spraying my block was appropriate," Crown muttered.

"But none of that matters. We're talking about you and me.

You play games, Four. You've been playing 'em.

I thought if I showed you how far I was willing to go, you'd stop fighting me on this love shit. "

"I did!"

"It's too late." The words hit harder than any bullet could.

"So that's it?" My voice cracked. "I'm no longer Mrs. Gravehart?"

"Don't be silly. You gon' always be Mrs. Gravehart, but I can't do this shit no more. I love too fucking hard to compete with a nigga I already killed."

"What do you want from me? My glasses?" I yanked them off and threw them at his chest. "Here! You want my curls? I'll cut them off! Just give me a knife. I'll do it right now. I'll give you whatever you want, just please don't?—"

"River, don't be stupid," Kyree cut in from behind. "You are not giving this man your curls. Then I'll see you in the Shaderoom comments talking 'bout this could've been me but my mama permed my hair when I was five , knowing your lying ass had a full head of hair."

I rolled my eyes hard, forgetting I'd even brought her ignorant ass with me.

"Kyree, shut up and get back in the car." I turned back to Crown, voice soft again. "Tell me what you want from me... and it's yours."

He stared at me as if he were memorizing my face for the last time.

"All I ever wanted was you, Four. Not just the parts you were comfortable giving, but all of you.

Hoes barely got a meal out of me," he laughed sadly, "and somehow you managed to snatch my heart from wherever I hid that shit.

I thought I did the same with yours, but you locked your heart up with a nigga I'll never let rest in peace. "

"I don't love him. I love you, Crown. I want to be with you. Please don't do this to us."

Panicking, I grabbed his wrist and pulled him close. He didn't resist. Instead, he leaned in and kissed my forehead. His lips lingered as if this were goodbye. I tore away, chest heaving.

"If you walk away... we're done, Crown!"

He stared me down. His face twisted into a grimace. Then slowly, it relaxed, and I couldn't read him anymore.

"I'm on whatever you're on, Four," he quietly assured me. "Just know, I'm ready to arrange funerals every day of the year behind you. Together or not... you'll always be Mrs. Gravehart."

"So, I can't date because you don't want me?" I shouted.

"I always want you. I just don't trust that you want me."

"Then you can't fuck or date either!"

"I didn't plan on it. A bitch couldn't catch my nut even if I jerked my shit for her."

Crown gave me one last look, and thanks to my own ultimatum, he walked out of my life... forever.