Page 35

River Ashland

H appy birthday, River!"

Walking into his apartment, Sincere carried a bouquet of flowers that were pretty but weren't anything special. It seemed as if all Sincere did was bring red roses in hopes of me accepting his apology.

"Thank you," I cooed, doing my best to sound appreciative. I took the flowers as Sincere leaned in for a kiss. I turned my head, smelling the roses, but also giving him my cheek.

"You mad at me, baby?"

I shrugged my shoulders, honestly not knowing how I felt.

Sincere was my everything. He'd been in my life for so long that I didn't picture life without him.

The way I felt for Sincere was overwhelming at times.

I've found myself doing dumb shit for him in the name of love.

Yet on my birthday, he came in from being only God knows where, carrying the same tired ass bouquet he brought me last week as an apology for missing dinner.

"River," he called out to me.

"I'm fine, Sincere," I lied, but smiled to make it more convincing. "I'ma put these in a vase."

I walked into the kitchen, hoping he didn't follow.

I was able to cut the stems and place the roses in the vase without interruption.

I walked back into the living room and placed the vase on the bookshelf, then flopped on the couch.

I picked my phone up and started scrolling as if I didn't feel the weight of Sincere's stare.

"River."

"Yes, Sincere." I sighed.

"How you got an attitude 'cause I wanna know what's wrong with you?"

Sitting on the coffee table, he took my phone and tossed it on the other end of the couch.

His expression was hard to read, but as of late, I've grown accustomed to it.

The last year or two in our relationship hadn't been our happiest. Something was off about us.

The way he handled me was the same yet different.

Sincere went from being a man who always wanted me around to pushing me to do more things with my girls.

I went from being his partner in crime to somehow sitting on the sidelines.

His explanation was he didn't want me getting caught up in his bullshit.

I couldn't argue against that, especially when I fussed with him anytime he brought drugs into the apartment or forced me to carry his gun in my purse.

In his own way, Sincere was giving me what I asked for, so I let things be.

"Riv, tell me what's going on so I can fix it."

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"Whatever you're feeling. Just tell me how I'm fucking up and I'll fix it."

"I just feel like you're pulling away from me. Maybe you ? —"

"Maybe what? I'm cheating on you?" he scoffed.

"I never said that."

"You didn't have to. Riv, you gotta know I'd never do no goofy shit like cheat on you."

"I believe you. That doesn't change how I'm feeling. Maybe we're in a rut or something. I mean it's my birthday, and you didn't even come home last night."

"I fucked up. I'm sorry 'bout that, but baby, I'm here now. It's still early. We have the whole day to find some shit to get into ? —"

"Find some shit to get into," I scoffed. "Don't worry about it, Sincere. When you didn't come home last night, I made plans to do brunch with Chosyn."

"That's your word, Riv?" He gritted.

"Are you mad? Please tell me you're not in my face with a fucking attitude, Sincere!"

"Fuck you think?" he barked. "How the fuck you make plans with Chosyn without thinking about if I wanted to celebrate your birthday with you?"

"Sincere, you didn't come home last night. Now you're here bitching about me not planning something for us to do on my birthday. Do you hear how fucking stupid that sounds? We've been together how many years? My birthday is the same fucking day every fucking year!"

"Riv, lower your fucking tone."

"Nigga, fuck a tone and answer my question. We've been together how long?"

"Eleven years," he answered.

"Eleven fucking years and not once have you tried to go out of your way to do something special for my birthday."

"Now I haven't done anything special for you. Man, miss me with that bullshit, River."

Sucking his teeth, Sincere stood up, dismissing not only what I said but also how I was feeling.

"Look, you either wanna celebrate with me or you wanna celebrate with Chosyn. Let me know what you want to' do."

Staring at him with hurt deepening my frown, I waited for him to realize just how selfish his ass was being.

"Really?" I asked desperately, giving him another chance to make things right.

He shrugged.

I nodded.

"I'm celebrating with Chosyn."

I got up from the couch, and Sincere was right there, following me into his bedroom.

I would have called it ours, but this was his place, no matter how hard I tried to make it ours.

Grabbing me by the hand, Sincere spun me toward him.

With my hand still in his, he walked me toward the wall until my back pressed against it.

"River," he murmured, lips hovering over my forehead.

"Sincere," I whispered.

His lips found mine, the kisses were soft instead of the rough ones I've grown accustomed to.

When he pulled away, I yearned for more.

Being mad at Sincere was too hard because he stayed doing shit like this.

He'll piss me off then touch me so fucking gently that I felt every instance of his skin against mine.

"I'm sorry, ight. I've been caught up trying to make moves with King."

"So, you were so caught up that you forgot my birthday?

" I frowned but kept my voice even. Arguing was pointless.

Sincere wasn't one to see things from anyone's point of view but his own.

He swore what he was doing was for us, our future, but how, when I was slipping away, and he didn't even notice.

"River," he groaned, taking a step back and cupping his hands in front of him. He tilted his head to the left. "You really gon' be mad at me 'cause I'm out here hustling to provide you with a better life?"

A humorless laugh was in his tone as if my being mad was something he didn't understand. When I said nothing, he caught the hint.

"Come on, River, chill on me."

"I didn't say a word." I shrugged.

"Yeah, but your silence says enough. I'm doing this for us, and you're mad. Other bitches would be ? —"

"I don't give a fuck what another bitch would be.

My name is River," I spat, shoving him in the chest. Sincere grabbed my wrist and pulled me into him.

We struggled, with me trying to get away and him wanting to keep me close.

We fell against the bed, and somehow my curls slipped from my high ponytail.

They covered my face, and Sincere used that to his advantage.

Laying all his weight on me, he held me in place.

"Sincere, get off me!" I shouted.

"Nah, 'cause you on bullshit."

"That's you on bullshit. Why would you tell me how the next bitch would feel? When have I ever cared about another bitch?"

"Never."

"Exactly, so miss me with that bullshit and get the fuck off me."

Sucking his teeth, Sincere stood up then reached his hand out to help me. I smacked it away, got up on my own, and found my hair tie to put my curls back in a ponytail.

"Wassup with the curls?" Sincere asked, eyeing me.

I shrugged. I usually kept my hair straight since that's how Sincere loved it. The plan was to straighten it today since I washed it last night, but now, I wasn't in the mood.

"It's cute, but you know I love it straight."

"Tell one of your other bitches." I snickered.

"It's funny as fuck until I really go and get me another bitch."

"Go ahead." I smirked. "And watch how this ass gon' bounce to the next dick."

I started laughing, but it was cut short when Sincere wrapped his hand around my neck. My nails dug into his wrist once I noticed this wasn't a loving choke.

"You gon' bounce what ass to what dick, River?" he gritted. "What fucking dick?"

"N... nn... no... no... di... dick," I gagged and wasn't even sure he heard me.

"I fucking love you, girl!"

Kissing me hard, Sincere tossed my ass on to the bed. My hands went to my throat to try to rub away some of the sting his hands left behind.

"I'ma leave," I mumbled.

"My bad, Riv. I didn't mean to hurt you. You started talking crazy and I ? —"

"It's fine. Don't worry about it." I walked into his closet, threw on one of his sweat suits, and walked out ready to leave.

"River." He sighed, following me out of the bedroom. I slipped on my sneakers, grabbed all my things, and headed for the door. "Ight man fuck it. I'll pick you up later. We can do dinner or some shit"

"Okay."

Sincere opened the door, and I walked out, wishing he would pull me back into the apartment and make it right.

"River, do you hear me talking to you?"

Chosyn snapped her fingers in my face, catching my attention. I moved her hand and took a sip of my water.

"What did you say?"

"I asked if we're still on for your birthday brunch. I found a new spot that's supposed to be dope as hell. They have karaoke and the theme is 2000s R&B."

"Why wouldn't I be down for it? We do breakfast every year."

"I know, but I thought maybe Crown wanted to do something with you. Brunch is on Wednesday, and your birthday isn't until Saturday, so I guess if he wanted to do something, he still can."

"Why are we not doing the brunch on my birthday?"

Ever since that one time Sincere choked me, I've spent every morning of my birthday with Chosyn.

Sometimes my mom would join us, and since Honey had come around, she came too.

It was honestly the only reason I got excited about my birthday.

Sincere and I never got the chance to recover from our argument because a couple days later he was murdered.

So, whenever my birthday rolled around, a heavy weight always seemed to collapse on my chest. The suffering was enough to turn the celebratory moment into one filled with regret and grief.

Our breakfast helped to keep some of that weight at bay.