Page 10

River Ashland

T he morning had truly taken an emotional toll on me, leaving a heaviness that seemed inescapable.

Nothing seemed off about Crown and me as we ate breakfast, went shopping, and chilled a little before our date this evening.

We laughed as if this morning had never happened.

I wanted to believe we were good, but I knew better.

What I said about us not being ready to be Cortez and River was a truth we both unconsciously ran from.

Questions swam around in my head, begging to be asked just so I could make all the people who hurt Crown suffer.

This man might've been plucked from the land of delusion and spent some time in Crazy Town before entering my life, but his heart was made of pure gold.

I hate to sound cliche because every woman believed their man was different, but Crown truly was.

It was the way he took me in once I stepped into his line of vision.

It didn't matter that he had just seen me five minutes before.

His eyes roamed, looking for the slightest difference in my appearance or mood.

Not to be funny, but I was sure if Crown entered a room blindfolded, I'd be the first person he walked up to.

He memorized me to the point he didn't need his sense of vision to see me.

Anyone who hurt a man like that deserved a fate worse than death.

"You good over there?" he asked, glancing from the road toward me.

"Yup," I answered, nodding my head.

"Yeah?" His voice was laced with skepticism.

"Yeah nigga," I playfully bucked, causing his stoic expression to break into a smile. "I'm just a little anxious."

"Why?"

"Because." I giggled, not actually having an answer.

"Let me find out you're not used to surprises."

"I'm not." I shrugged.

"Get the fuck outta here. Has no one ever surprised you on some romantic, you mean the world to me, type shit?"

His question wasn't in angst, but that was all I felt as memories of Sincere played vividly in my mind. For a second, I closed my eyes, allowing our laughs and Sincere's sweet words to overtake me. My lips broke, and a smile brightened my face.

"River."

My eyes flew open at the sound of the name switch.

"Really, I'm River now?" I asked, slightly offended by how my happiness immediately made me unrecognizable.

"Hell yeah, when yo' ass is grinning, and I didn't say shit to 'cause that reaction from you. Wassup, where did you go just now?"

"Nowhere. I'm just thinking about what you asked. My ex never surprised me, nor was he the grand gesture type. He showed his love with his words."

"A nigga in love should be able to show it in all ways."

"True, but my love language is words of affirmation, so it worked for me." I shrugged. The need to lash out and defend what Sincere and I shared tapped dance on the tip of my tongue.

"Funny you say that, but don't know words of affirmations can be shown through action.

Shown in deeper ways than some simple phrases.

Every time I put your nut before my own, that's me affirming you.

I place no one above you, not even myself.

Anytime I stare at you, my lungs start tweaking.

I'm only able to breathe again after I inhale you.

That affirms your power over me. Do I gotta keep going, or do you get the picture? "

"No... no, I get it." Swallowing hard, I shifted in my seat, doing my best to stifle the heartbeat Crown's words brought on between my thighs.

"Ole blushin' ass." He chuckled, and I sucked my teeth.

"You're not the only one who can do surprises."

"What you get a nigga, Four?" The excitement that graced his face was cute as hell.

"Why you say it like that?"

"Man, I ain't say nothing like nothing. Stop stalling and tell yo' man what you got him."

"If I tell you, then it won't be a surprise."

"You playin' like a muthafucka won't snatch them glasses and snap 'em in two."

"Why do you always threaten my glasses when you know you'll spazz on me for not wearing them after you broke them?" Just in case this nigga was serious about breaking my glasses, I leaned my head closer toward the window to be on the safe side.

"I'll tape them muthafuckas back together." He shrugged.

"I am not walking around wearing taped-up glasses."

"Shit, if you ain't. What you gon' do, bump into walls and trip all day? We both know, like me, you can't live without 'em."

"Yeah, okay. Glasses are replaceable. I can swap 'em out for a new pair or get contacts. The same can be said for yo'... Crown, grab the fucking steering wheel and slow the fuck down!"

"Nah, don't get scared now. Talk that shit, Four. Let a nigga know you gon' swap him out so I can kill us both. Then press yo' ass in the afterlife 'bout the nigga you thought was gon' take you from me."

"Crown, stop fucking playing!"

With his hands off the wheel, Crown sped down the narrow road.

We were almost two hours out of the city, so I wasn't familiar with the location.

Thankfully, the traffic was minimal, but if we hit anything, neither of us would make it out alive.

The car drifted toward the right, the tires skidding too damn close to the edge rattling my nerves.

"Cortez!" I shrieked.

"I don't think I'm gon' make it to heaven, Four. You gon' have to pack a bag and sneak into hell. When you come, make sure you got ya wings so a nigga can see how pretty of an angel you are." He laughed.

"Cortez, you fucking lunatic!" I yelled, reaching for the wheel.

He smacked my hands away, telling me to "Chill," before grabbing the wheel and easing up on the gas.

"Chill? Nigga, you could have killed us," I blacked, still fighting to catch my fucking breath.

"How you scared when you street race?" He chuckled.

"That's different. I'm in control when I race.

Wha... what you did was childish as fuck.

" Recalling something he said, I burst out laughing.

"Nigga, did you really tell me to wait until I get my wings to sneak out and meet you in hell?

" Tears came to my eyes because Crown was the most unserious man I've ever met.

It was all jokes all the time with him. Only his jokes were deadass how he felt.

"Hell fucking yeah. You telling me you won't come find your husband and show off those angel wings?" He jerked his head back, offended by the thought, instead of realizing what he asked was impossible.

"Yes, Crown, I'll come find you," I cooed, then reached toward his face to run my nails across his goatee.

"Nah, don't try to butter me up. Keep yo' ass in heaven. I'ma find me a heathen who got that fire neck."

"Get that bitch killed if you want." I shrugged nonchalantly.

"She gon' already be dead, Four," he chortled.

"I don't give a fuck!"

"Yeaah, Four! Get crazy 'bout yo' muthafuckin' husband," he boasted, slapping the steering wheel.

"You are not my husband," I chided.

"Yeah, ight. You're my wife, even when you're not. Stop playing, or I'ma lock that ring back on your fuckin' finger."

"So childish," I countered.

"Telling me you was gon' swap me out like some fuckin' glasses is childish. Anything I did after is mid. Go in the glove compartment and grab that scarf for me."

"No!" I spat.

"Four, stop fuckin' doing the most and grab that shit."

"I'm doing the most when you literally just tried to kill us?"

"You gon' grab the blindfold or keep fighting me?"

Sucking my teeth, I grabbed the scarf and then listened to Crown as he told me to hand him my glasses and tie the scarf around my eyes.

He continued to drive for another thirty minutes, then I felt the car come to a stop. Without speaking, he got out and then came over to my side to help me out.

"Hold my hand tight so I can make sure yo' clumsy ass don't trip."

"Fuck you," I spat but held on for dear life.

The walk wasn't long, but the closer we got to wherever we were, the more I began to hear sounds that felt like home. Engines roaring in the distance cruised through my body, vibrating against my skin. The smell of burnt rubber brought a smile to my face, halting my footsteps.

"We're almost there, Four, come?—"

"Where are we, Crown?" I asked, refusing to walk further.

"Man, we're almost there. I don't wanna tell you 'cause this is some shit you have to see."

"Okay."

Crown led me to our destination, then stopped to speak to someone in a hushed tone. The two shared a few words before pulling me along.

"Are we there yet?" I asked.

"You're so fucking impatient, but yeah, we're here. Take it off, Four."

With shaky hands, I untied the scarf, not thinking twice before letting it drop to the ground.

My heart pounded in my chest as I put my glasses on, then spun around wide-eyed and at a loss for words.

The racetrack stretching out in front of me in an endless blur stole the show.

This was far from the chaotic pulse of the streets where strangers chanted my name, and my tires bruised the pavement.

This was professional racing, where fear didn't live.

Turning back to the man of the moment, I locked eyes with him. "You... you brought me here?" The question was stupid, but it was all I could muster as the emotions weighed heavily on my chest.

"Don't start crying, Four." He smirked, pulling me into him. The second my face touched his hoodie, the tears began to fall.

"I... I... just?—"

"You don't gotta say much, Four, I already know. Here, you have no worries, no traffic, no cops, nothing is in your way. You can go as fast as you want here."

"Why?"