Page 24

River Ashland

" W ho was that?" I mumbled. I was sure no one heard me outside of Crown, who stood over my bed and was staring dead at me through narrowed eyes.

He knew.

I'd been awake for maybe five or six minutes, only opening my eyes for a quick second to look for Kysre.

I looked to my right, and she was in the bed a few feet away, face-to-face with a man who didn't seem the friendliest. Seeing them and feeling the weird energy in the air, I snapped my eyes shut, faking like I was still asleep, but Crown knew.

"Why you playing?" he mouthed, and I shrugged.

Honey and Kyree were over by Kysre, questioning her about what the man said. I was happy the focus was on her. It gave me time to make sense of what happened and come up with an excuse to tell Crown.

"Why you playing sleep?" He leaned down, kissing my forehead as he spoke.

Again, I shrugged because what did he want me to say?

"Four," Crown gritted, catching everyone's attention.

Kysre looked in my direction first, wearing a smile I didn't deserve. Next, Honey turned to face me with apologetic eyes as if what happened was her fault. Subtly, I shook my head, letting her know this was on me. Kyree was the last to look my way, and when she did, I couldn't read her expression.

"Kyree, let me explain—" I started, but her rude ass snatched the curtain closed, sealing off my view of her and Kysre.

"Don't worry about her. You know how they get about each other," Honey assured, but it was too late. I was already worried.

"What did the doctor say?"

Feeling uncomfortable, I moved to sit myself up, then instantly froze.

A sharp pain shot across my abdomen, crippling me.

With my breath caught in my throat, I gritted my teeth to keep from crying out.

What I felt wasn't just pain. There was pressure, like something heavy was seated on my lower half, stopping me from sitting up. Something was wrong.

"Four!" Crown barked, placing his hand on my back to keep me steady as Honey used the remote to lift the bed up.

"Wha... what did the doctor say?" I winced in pain, fighting to get the words out while it felt like tiny knives were slicing me from the inside out.

"Crown, what did the doctor say?"

His head slightly flinched backward. His brows clinched together the same as mine.

"Crown!" I spat, needing an answer.

My arms trembled as every muscle in my body seemed to protest. It felt unnatural, almost like my body had forgotten how to work. I couldn't sit up fully without help, or my skin felt like it would tear open.

"Someone tell me what the hell the doctor?—"

Trying to move from the bed, I felt my skin tear on my lower stomach. The initial pain was un-fucking-bearable, but what came next knocked the wind out of my chest.

"She's bleeding!" Honey shouted. "Crown, go get the doctor!"

Crown raced out of the room as Honey gawked at me with guilt dancing between her eyes.

What the fuck happened to me?

Blocking out the pain, I tore the blanket from my body.

I glanced down toward my lower stomach and cringed, blood seeping from various spots.

A deep ache cruised through my body, but I couldn't look away.

A doctor and two nurses rushed in, with Crown following closely behind them.

Kyree snatched the curtain open, giving her and Kysre a front-row seat to my trauma.

Words were being slung at me from every direction.

I couldn't speak. A sentence wouldn't form, and my eyes wouldn't leave my wound.

As tears fell from my eyes, I shook my head.

I wasn't crying because of the pain or the fact that I felt like I was dying.

The tears were courtesy of karma. What happened wasn't clear, but I knew just from how diligently the doctor and nurses worked on me that my body was in mourning.

I might have survived the accident, but I lost something much greater.

This time, when I woke up, the room felt different.

Not in the same way it did when that man was in Kysre's face, just different.

Everything was shifted. Still... quiet, with a hint of cruelty.

Whatever the different was connected with me as soon as my eyes opened.

The feeling wrapped itself around me, cuddling me to soothe an unimaginable pain.

All eyes were on me, but no one spoke. I drifted between every familiar face, looking for a hint of honesty.

Somber faces, too many gawking back at me, but still no words.

I swallowed hard, thinking if I closed my eyes and reopened them, the faces would disappear.

Close. Inhale. Exhale. Open . They remained.

Honey.

Lynx.

Chosyn.

Wolfe.

Honor.

Navy.

Rize.

Kyree.

Kysre.

Crown.

My mom.

Eleven different people. Eleven different personalities, all wearing the same stupid sorrowful look, and still no fucking words. All these fucking people, and no one had the balls to fucking speak. Then someone did.

"I'll go get the doctor," my mother whispered, heading out of the room.

My eyes followed her until she was gone.

I looked at Crown, but he didn't give me much.

His somberness was heavy in something I've felt before.

I glanced at Chosyn. If anyone would slip, it was her.

She was leaning against Wolfe's chest, slouching.

If he wasn't there, Chosyn would've hit the floor.

Wolfe was her stability. Her eyes were red and swollen from tears.

I was sure. There was only one other time I've seen Chosyn like this, and then it hit me.

Death was the feeling that wrapped me in its arms. I was alive.

Lying here was uncomfortable, but I was positive I was alive.

What did I miss? What did I lose? Kysre was alive, so it wasn't her.

"Ah!" I winced in pain.

"Four!" Crown shot up from his seat beside me.

I held my hand up, not wanting to be touched.

Tears found their way into my eyes as I moved the blanket from over me.

I looked down, piecing together what nobody in the fucking room had the guts to say.

This wasn't just an ordinary death. It was death in its most intimate state.

It didn't cause the uncomfortable eeriness that it usually did.

Nope, this was the differen t. Death felt delicate against my skin, watching with quiet eyes as every heart in the room faltered and silently mourned a loss we didn't know existed.

"Cro—" It tore out of me before I got a chance to call his name. My stomach tightened, gnawing in pain as a violent scream ripped through me.

"River!" Chosyn cried just as loudly as if it were a mating call for my pain.

"Four, you gotta chill, or you gon' bust your stitches open again." Bringing his hands to my face, Crown's thumbs strummed my cheeks, but the sweet gesture wasn't enough.

My chest caved. I screamed again, hoping this time, if I were loud enough, time would undo itself and bring back what I lost.

"Oh my god! What happened?" my mother questioned, rushing into the room with the doctor on her heels.

"Ms. Ashland?—"

"Mrs. Gravehart," Crown corrected her. I was a mess, tears pummeling down, but I blushed, knowing even in a crisis, Crown wouldn't hesitate to let it be known I was his.

"Crown, please!" Chosyn scolded, then looked toward the doctor. "Please address her as Mrs. Gravehart for this idiot. She started screaming after she took the blanket off. I'm not sure if she tore open her stitches or not."

"I'm sorry for the mix-up," the doctor stated, looking toward Crown.

She offered him a soft smile that he scoffed at. The doctor walked over to examine me, but she didn't look at me once. For some odd reason, I felt that confirmed what I thought. I lost a baby I didn't even know about.

"Wha—" My throat burned, but that wasn't enough to stop me from speaking.

"Four, chill and let the?—"

"I'm fine," I grunted, cutting my eyes at Crown. "Wha... what happened?" I finally asked.

"Um, maybe we can clear the room and?—"

"Why, when they already know something? The first time I woke up, none of them were here, but now they are."

"We were on our way," Chosyn sobbed.

"Please, just tell me what is happening. If you're more comfortable speaking with fewer people in the room, then everyone can leave except my mom and Crown." What I said probably hurt Chosyn more than anyone else, but I didn't have time to pacify her feelings. I needed answers.

"You were in a serious accident. I'm not sure of all the details, but what I can piece together is you were driving at a very high speed."

"I was," I answered truthfully. "Look, I know all about bedside manner, and I don't really give a fuck about it right now. Just tell me why I have shooting pains whenever I move the lower half of my body."

"Okay, Mrs. Gravehart, I'll give it to you straight." She looked toward Crown, who nodded for her to go ahead. I scoffed because what I said should have been all the confirmation her ass needed.

"Why are you looking at him? He's not your daddy. You don't need his approval to tell me that I lost a fucking baby," I gritted, unable to contain myself any longer. "Matter of fact I'ma sue you and this whole fucking hospital for HIPPA violation since he isn't my husband, anyway!"

"River!" my mother scolded, but I was a little too old for the black mother squint to work.

"I-I-," the doctor looked between Crown and me, stammering her ass off. I shrugged, not giving a fuck.

"Give us a second, please," Crown stated, and she didn't waste a second leaving the room.

"Why would you send her away when?—"

Grabbing my face, Crown squeezed the fuck out of my jaw. I've seen Wolfe do this to Chosyn plenty of times and thought it was the cutest thing, but this nigga's grip felt like he was trying to rip my jaw from my face.

"See, I spoil you and let you run off at the mouth 'cause I'm in love with your stupid ass.

I keep shit gentle with you to shield you from the nigga I can be.

You must not fuck with the gentler side of me.

Is that what it is, River?" His eyes were vacant, void of the love they usually housed for me.

"No," I whimpered.

"Nah, you must not 'cause ain't no way you flapped those thick ass lips to say I'm not your real husband."

"I'm... I'm... I lost a child, Cortez. What do you expect me to fucking say! I'm grieving!" I shouted, thankful he let my damn face go.

"What child, Four? You weren't pregnant." His voice softened, but that was about it. He still kept his expression blank.

"Then why does everyone look like they’re mourning?"

"Ma, go let the doctor know to come back, please," he instructed my mom, and she listened. Lakelyn Ashland didn't listen to anyone.

"Ma?" I quizzed, eyeing him.

He said nothing, leaving me to draw my own conclusion. As far as I knew, the two of them didn't talk privately or share more than a few words beyond my introduction at Chosyn and Wolfe's wedding. But him calling her Ma felt a little too friendly for my liking.

"Be good," Crown lowly gritted as the doctor came in.

"I'm sure you want your rest, so I'll get right to it," the doctor nervously began.

"During your crash, a piece of glass from your windshield entered your lower abdomen.

Unfortunately, it caused significant trauma to your uterus, and it was ruptured by the impact.

We were able to stop the bleeding and stabilize you, but because of the severity of the injury, the tissue was badly damaged.

To save your life and prevent further complications, we had to remove a part of your uterus. "

"Oh my god!" I cried. Why everyone wore somber faces made sense. I didn't lose a child. I lost the ability to have one.

"Will she be able to have children?" My mother asked.

"Yes. What remains of her uterus is still healthy.

As long as it remains that way, she should be able to conceive and carry to full term.

There's a possibility for complications, but we won't know for sure until Mrs. Gravehart becomes pregnant.

I know this is a lot for you and your family to take in, but I want you to know we'll be here to support you through recovery, both physically and emotionally. "

"Thank you," I whispered.

"I'll give you some time, then send a nurse in to check your vitals and change your bandage."

My mother and Crown both thanked the doctor as she left the room.

"I want to be alone," I announced before either of them tried to comfort.

"Four—"

"River—"

Holding my hand up, I stopped them both from talking.

"Please, just give me this time alone."

"Okay, sweetheart, if that's what you need." My mom kissed my forehead, then left. I waited impatiently for Crown to do the same, but he just gazed at me.

"Crown, please." I sighed, unable to do the back and forth.

"I love you, Four." His lips touched mine, and when he pulled away, I instantly started crying.

"Fuck, Four," he groaned.

"Cortez, please! I know it's hard for you to walk away, but I need this," I sobbed. Crown hesitated. "Crown, please."

"Fuck!" Tossing the chair across the room, he stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

I cried harder, knowing his love for me... his love for Four was the reason this happened. Scared of the love Crown poured into me, I went running toward grief head first and made a stupid decision to wear old ass contacts so I'd feel more like the girl who was in love with a dead man.