Page 67

River Ashland

T he wind clawed at my cheeks as I gripped the wheel. My heart was out of rhythm, and nerves tickled my skin. This was my first race, but I couldn't back out, not with him next to me..

"Breathe, baby," Sincere advised from the passenger seat. His voice was soothing like one of those nighttime nursery rhymes. "You got this."

I nodded, but on the inside, Sincere couldn't have been more wrong.

Sweat dripped down the nape of my neck, and I was sure my once bone-straight hair was now frizzy and reverting to curls.

The engine growling beneath me should have sparked my confidence, but it only ignited my fear.

My opponent's car sat next to mine, and the driver seemed to possess every ounce of arrogance that I lacked.

"I'm going to lose," I panicked. My fingers loosened and then re-tightened themselves around the leather wheel.

"Not you... not my muthafuckin' girl." He grinned. "Let whatever you're feeling right now fuel you. Remember what I taught you. You're special, Riv."

I blushed, and for just a second, my nerves went numb.

Then the flag dropped. I slammed on the gas.

My tires screamed, and the world around me tunneled.

I drove, knowing every second was a fight between hesitation and instinct.

Hesitation prevented me from winning, so I rode on instinct all the way across the finish line.

I won. Shifting the car into park, I hopped out, hands up, eyes wild, and lungs stretched.

"I love you, Sincere!" I screamed.

"I—"

Sincere didn't say it back.

The cheers silenced.

The crowd vanished.

Then something cracked... no, it clicked.

The sharp sound of metal sliding into place snapped me out of my dream. I gasped awake with the taste of adrenaline still on my tongue. It wasn't the race that caused my heart to drop. It was Crown. He stood over me, life lost in the depths of his eyes, and a gun aimed at me.

"Get up." Crown's voice cut like a blade across my skin.

My chest didn't sink in when I inhaled or rise when I exhaled. I was completely still. The silence dancing between us boomed through the room, but Crown cocking his hammer back for a second time, was louder.

"You love that nigga, Four?"

Silence.

"Nah, Four doesn't love that Casper the dead muthafuckin' ghost. To be safe, let me ask this again. You love that nigga, River?"

Again, silence.

"I heard you scream that shit, and it got me thinking." His voice dropped to something gravelly and unrecognizable. "Should I send you to that nigga?"

I swallowed hard, holding his deadpan gaze.

This wasn't Crown. When looking at me, his eyes were usually bright, full of love and affection.

Now they were vacant, stormy, and cast over by something that wasn't him.

This wasn't Crown being jealous or possessive.

This was haunting, the work of demons that didn't belong to him.

Insecurities passed on to him that he fought so hard to keep at bay.

Oddly enough, my mind went to Emily. She was once the lover looking into Crown's haunting eyes.

She fed his insecurities, allowing them to run rampant until they killed her.

"Crown," I whispered softly, "you won't hurt me."

His chest rose and fell as if he were barely holding on. The gun didn't waver.

"There's a lot that we need to talk about. I don't love Sincere. I love you," I breathed, eyes locked on his. "I love you, Crown. I have since the?—"

"Don't say the beginning," he forced out through clenched teeth.

"But it's true. I didn't know it then, but I know it now. You are the only man outside of?—"

"Don't," he rasped.

"Other than him , you are the only man to ride with me while I raced.

If it wasn't love at first sight, then why did I let you in my car?

It wasn't to prove a point, as I had tried to make it seem.

I let you in because when I looked at you, I saw what my future could look like.

I was myself with you, and that's someone I hadn't been in a while.

I saw someone who had the potential to protect my heart, even though I had no plans of giving it to you. "

I moved from underneath the blanket, making sure I didn't startle him in any way. However, Crown didn't speak. His eyes never left mine, and his gun followed my every move.

"I love you," I whispered. My voice cracked, but I didn't stop. "I need you to believe that. I love you more than anything in this world and beneath this earth."

Crown's movements were subtle, but I saw the way his left hand inched toward me before he pulled it back.

"I don't care what I said in a dream. I let him go. I choose you, even if you don't choose me back."

I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and sat up. Under his stare, I felt vulnerable and bare. Crown was good for that, though.

"Crown," I called out, wanting to make sure he was still with me. "You're the only one who sees me. Who I am at my core is flawed. I made mistakes that a simple apology won't fix, I get that, but I don't get you thinking my love for you isn't real."

The silence stretched. I took my time standing up, and his gun followed, rising an inch for every step I took.

"But this," I said, ghosting my hand over his wrist. "This isn't love.

This isn't us. I'm not Emily, and you're not the man you were when you.

.. well, you know. What you're feeling right now is pain, and as a man, you want to disguise that, but that's not who you are.

You're not him, Crown. Don't let my mistake turn you into the man you despise. "

His chest rose with a silent gasp, and I let out a much-needed sigh.

"You scared of me now, Four?" he lowly asked.

"I'm not scared of you. I'm scared of losing us."

His eyes flickered, letting life find its way back into his browns.

"I'm yours, Crown," I whispered.

I stepped closer, only stopping once the barrel of his gun pressed against my chest, and I became his source of oxygen. When he didn't move, I took my chance. I leaned upward onto my toes, letting my lips brush his.

Crown jammed the gun further into my chest, letting it fall by his side. He stepped away to place it on the dresser and then came back with his eyes no longer dead but filled with hunger. Roughly, he gripped my jaw.

"Crown," I gasped.

"Say it again."

"I'm yours," I breathlessly repeated.

His smirk deepened just before his mouth collapsed into mine. It wasn't tender like when I was pinned to his car. This kiss claimed me — rough, raw, and undeniably his.

He pulled away and spun me back toward the bed, shoving me down as his body followed.

"Crown," I moaned, as his teeth sank into the soft part of my neck. "Who... who do you belong to?"

My question had barely left my lips before he started trailing kisses down my throat.

"Crown," I spat, trying to push him off. I palmed his chest, but he caught both my wrists and slammed them above my head.

"You should be fucking scared of me, Four," he growled into my mouth. "I aimed my gun at your pretty ass. Why the fuck do you care who I belong to?"

I moaned, softly, angrily, and confused. My body betrayed me, wanting him more in this twisted moment.

"Huh? Tell me," he rasped, sucking my bottom lip. "Why do you give a fuck who I belong to?"

"I care because I love you," I whispered. "I'm in love with you."

He let go of my wrists and stood. Panic surged through me.

"Crown!"

"Chill," he muttered.

He emptied his pockets, stripped off his clothes, and then returned. He slid my panties down and tossed them without care. My body trembled beneath his as he rubbed his dick in slow, lazy circles against my clit.

"Crown," I gasped, nails sinking into the small of his back as I pushed down, needing him deeper.

"You still love that nigga?" he demanded, thrusting harder like he wanted to fuck the memory of Sincere out of my head. I wrapped my legs tighter, anchoring him inside of me.

"I don't give a fuck about him," I panted. "All I see is you. What part of that don't you understand?"

He stilled, then whispered against my neck, "You don't get it, Four. I love you. I would've ripped the sun and moon out of the sky for your pretty ass."

His strokes slowed, but they hit deeper, reaching the place where his kids would grow. My back arched, and his hand moved to my stomach, thumb brushing across the scar.

"I put it all out there for you," he breathed, voice thick. "You didn't do the same. You fed me lies... and like a nigga in love, I ate that shit up."

"Crown, please," I cooed, my stomach tightening with the buildup I couldn't fight.

"You wanna know why I killed him?"

My breath caught. "Wh... why?"

"That nigga wasn't shit," he gritted. "He's the one I caught fucking Emily. Four... how you hold out on me for a nigga who didn't know how to love you?"

I couldn't speak. Not with how Crown drove into me. Not with the way my soul unraveled beneath each thrust.

"Fuck, Four," he growled. "This pussy's... superb."

Then I felt it... I felt all of him.

His hurt.

His rage.

His love.

The conflict... all of it — cruised through me, rattling my bones.

"Crown... I'm cumming!" My body buckled, breaking beneath him.

"I'd kill Sincere again," he growled, shooting off inside me.

The air in the room thickened as Crown's body fell beside me. I turned to face him, thinking maybe we had made it through the rough patch. I reached out to caress his face, and he grabbed my wrist.

"Nah," was his dry-ass response.

My brows creased because what the hell did he mean, nah?

"I gotta go," he announced, sitting up and grabbing his clothes from the floor.

"Where are you going? You live here!"

He didn't answer. He just got dressed.

"Crown?" I sat up, heart already crawling to a panic. "Talk to me."

After pulling his shirt over his head, he glanced in my direction, and somehow, it made me feel small.

"I'ma ask you one question," he said, voice low and unreadable. "Don't lie to me, Four."

I swallowed, throat tightening. "Okay."

His jaw ticked. "A few years back, did you drive Sincere while he sprayed a block in the Grove?"

My whole body stilled.

"Crown—"

"Yes or no, River."

I looked away. "Yes."

He nodded slowly, as if that were all he needed to hear. His eyes didn't even close. They just grew darker.

"That nigga wanted me dead, and you helped to make that shit almost happen," he flatly revealed.

"What?" I choked. "No, I didn't know! I didn't know that's what he planned. He didn't tell me! I swear to God, I didn't know?—"

"I love you, Four," he said, voice cracking enough to make me think tears might follow. "But I can't trust you." He walked toward the bedroom door, and my heart sank to the pit of my stomach.

"Crown, please!" I sobbed, scrambling off the bed, reaching for him. "Please don't leave! I didn't know!"

Crown shook his head and walked out, the door clicking shut behind him like a final goodbye.

My knees buckled. I collapsed in the middle of the room, a scream ripping from somewhere deep in my chest, loud, broken, and jagged with pain.

Tears blurred everything. I curled into myself, shaking so hard it felt like heartbreak was trying to claw its way out of my skin.

"This can't be real," I whispered into the floor.

I cried, mourning my relationship until the sobs dulled, and the silence pressed down, letting sleep take me like the mercy I didn't deserve.