Page 59

Crown Gravehart

R olling out of bed, I sat at the edge, and my gaze immediately found her. At this time, Four loved being on the balcony, which was connected to her bedroom. Every morning, she stood out there as the sun spilled over her like they were best friends, and one couldn't rise without the other.

That's my muthafuckin' wife.

The thought provoked a smirk because if Four wasn't so scary, I would've proposed on our six-month anniversary at the racetrack.

Shit might've seemed quick, but it was right on time for me.

The night we met, River talked cash shit, and I knew from that moment she'd be my wife.

We came a long way from the days when we went back and forth, but that shit was growth.

Between then and now, not much had changed regarding how I saw Four.

I still wanted her to be my actual wife, but she wasn't ready for that.

Even with her finally telling me she loves me, I knew she needed time before she was tied to a nigga in the eyes of the law.

I respected it but wasn't going to let time pass and not be prepared for the day she was ready.

Not long after we made it official, I went and bought an engagement ring.

This one was nothing like the first ring and band I locked on her finger.

The first ring was something for the time being.

I brought it from my jeweler, but it was a ring any nigga with some money had access to.

The new ring I had on reserve was custom-made specifically for Four.

I wanted her to know that I saw her, every part of her.

An oval diamond with soft edges and endless lines sat at the center of the ring.

The clarity of the 4-carat stone was impeccable and housed faint icy blue undertones to represent her favorite color.

A hidden halo was designed into the ring created from tiny sapphires tucked beneath the center diamond.

The only way to notice was if Four allowed someone into her personal space.

Two paths wrapping around each before becoming one created the platinum band and were symbolic of who she and I were.

Lastly, I had the coordinates of the exact spot we met engraved in my handwriting on the inside of the band.

Everything about this ring was symbolic of our relationship, and when she was ready, I planned to go all out when asking her to be my wife.

"Are you gonna continue to watch me, or do you wanna enjoy this beautiful morning with me?"

Laughing as her sultry voice pulled me out of my thoughts, I answered, "I'ma watch."

"Your loss." She shrugged and then turned to continue enjoying the view.

I waited a few minutes to make sure she wouldn't turn back my way, then went to grab my camera from the dresser. I snuck back over to the bed and started snapping pictures.

"Crown, stop! I look crazy," she cooed after hearing the shutter sound a few times.

I snapped a few more as she tried her best to shield her face from the camera.

"Crown!" she bickered, tossing me the finger.

I laughed, then walked onto the balcony and pulled her close. Thanks to her clumsiness, we fell into her hanging egg chair.

"Ouch!" she wailed when her head hit the outer shell. "See you play too much."

"I don't play at all when it comes to you. Now bring your big-headed ass here and let me kiss it." Tossing her head back, I kissed Four's forehead.

"Why were you taking pictures?"

"That's what you brought the camera for, right?"

"Yeah, but it's early as hell and I haven't washed my face yet."

"So? You look the best when you're first waking up, wearing one of my t-shirts, with my dick on your breath and drool in the corner of your mouth."

"Gee, thanks!" she quipped.

"I'm forreal, Four. I love you like this. The way the sun had you glowing... I couldn't resist."

"I guess." She giggled.

"You better fucking know. I love you."

"I love you, too." Four cuddled closer to me as we watched the street below us come alive. "I want moments like this... forever with you, Crown."

"Forever is a long ass time, you sure?"

Turning her head so she could look at me, Four nibbled on her bottom lip and then whispered, "Yes."

"Nah, Four, you gotta say that shit with your chest. Make a nigga blush or some," I coached her.

Smiling widely, Four's sexy ass pushed her glasses up, then gazed at me with love and pride shimmering in her eyes. That look alone caused my cheeks to darken and my smirk to reach my eyes.

"I want this life with you forever, Cortez."

"What if forever isn't long enough?" I challenged just to see where her head was.

"Then meet me in the afterlife," she said, not missing a beat. "I'll do death with you even if it means holding hands in eternal darkness."

"Nigga, you good?"

I slipped the velvet box that seemed to take over my every thought into my pocket as Wolfe walked into the mill. We slapped five, and then he posted up against the wall across from me.

"Shit, I'm alive, so I'm good." I shrugged, finally answering. Being alive seemed like the only positive in my life as of late, but even that shit was questionable.

"You know I'm here if you wanna talk about?—"

"Don't say her fucking name," I warned. Hearing anyone mention River sent me into a rage that was hard as fuck to come out of.

"Shit's fucked up like that with y'all?" he asked as if he didn't already know. There wasn't much Chosyn kept from him, and he kept from her. The two were a walking billboard for pillow talk.

"I'm good on her."

"Chosyn said ole girl said the same about you."

"Ole girl?" I chuckled.

"You said I couldn't say her name. What else I'ma call her?"

"Four, nigga. I just can't hear that other shit without wanting to wring her neck."

"The fuck she do that has you wanting to put hands on her?"

"Chosyn didn't tell you?"

"She hasn't been home. The only time I see her is when I pick up Phoenix. You didn't know she's staying with Four?"

"Nah," I lied.

Four and I were on the outs, but a nigga couldn't stay away.

The night that shit happened, I pulled up and used my key to let myself in.

Four's bedroom lights were off, so I assumed she was asleep.

Chosyn caught me coming through the door and told me I had to leave.

I started to push her ass out of my way, but then I heard a loud, ragged scream that cut through the walls, piercing my ears.

Chosyn didn't have to say anything after that.

I left and sat parked outside and did the same shit every night after.

In the morning, I dipped off before she walked out onto her balcony.

"You don't gotta lie, nigga. Chosyn already told me you were park outside her crib."

"Fuck you ask for then?"

"To see how honest this conversation gonna be."

"I'm not beat for this shit right now, Wolfe."

"That's cool, but you need to get whatever you're feeling off your chest. I'm not Honor, but I think I know a thing or two 'bout trying to shake off our parents' demons."

"I'm not my pops."

As soon as I said that shit, I had to pause. I didn't kill Four, but I pulled my gun on her, and that was just as bad. Telling Wolfe what happened wasn't gon' do shit but get me lectured. Wasn't much he could say that I hadn't already said to myself over the situation.

"Four is safe. I'll never kill her. I just..." Chuckling, I scratched along my jaw and started pacing. "There's no way to phrase this shit without sounding like a bitch."

"It's fucked up you feel like that. As grown men, we should feel comfortable expressing ourselves without feeling like our manhood suffers because of it. I apologize if I haven't given you the space to?—"

"I'm good, Wolfe," I cut in, still pacing in hopes I could outrun these fucking thoughts of Four, that fucking ring, and our triplets that I prayed to God about every night.

"You're not good, and that's what I'm afraid of, but I got you."

Wolfe pushed himself forward, moving off the wall and leaving out the mill. He came back inside a few minutes later with a blunt burning at the tip.

"My nigga." I chuckled, taking it from him. "Chosyn's got the best weed."

"Yeah, my baby does her fucking thing. I'ma let her build the facility she needs to grow her shit out here. Nazari is cool doing it for her in Brooklyn, but I know my baby wants to do it herself."

"Word? That's huge."

"Yeah. I'm giving her the money from the insurance company for my property burning down."

"You mean your childhood home that she set on fire?"

"Yeah, nigga." He laughed. "Her intentions were pure, even if her actions were driven by dumb shit."

"Chosyn's wild."

"She is, but that's my muthafuckin' heart forreal. I went years without knowing her, and I can't remember life before her."

"That's deep. I remember everything before Four."

"You ready to get that off your chest?" he asked, motioning for me to pass the blunt.

"I don't know what to say about it forreal."

"Society has a way of making black men feel like we ain't allowed to feel shit. Our emotions are only valid when we're hard, cold, or angry. They'll acknowledge that shit but dismiss a nigga when he wants to drop a tear or two behind a broken heart.

"They know we're superior to all these other niggas out here," I said, understanding where he was coming from.

"Exactly. We scare them, so they burden us with the duty of carrying the weight they placed on us.

Then wanna lock us up or label us crazy when that same weight causes us to snap.

Society might not ever welcome black men being emotionally intelligent, but that's why you've got me.

When no one else listens, know I've got you always. "

"I appreciate that," I told him.

"It's real. Emily had you popping pills like Tic-Tacs. I don't wanna see you going down the same road because of Four. Admitting she broke your heart isn't bitch behavior. Talk this shit out with me, and whatever you say stays between us."