Page 3

Before River Knew Crown

P issed.

Enraged.

Fuming.

Every emotion based in anger traveled through me as I weaved this busted Toyota Camry in and out of traffic.

My foot mashed the gas, and my fingers gripped the wheel as I cut close into the left lane just to speed past three cars and cut back into the right.

Stop signs and red lights didn't matter.

I silently asked God to guide me and get me to my destination in one piece.

"River."

I snapped my head to the left. The rich, gravelly voice of my lover used to bring me so much joy and cut my oxygen supply in half.

Hearing my name in that sexy baritone caused my heart to fall off rhythm.

I used to clamp my thighs together to keep the flooding within the realms of my pussy lips.

Used to was literally thirty minutes ago, before the man I loved decided to hang out of a fucking window and shoot up a block with a M4 assault rifle.

A damn gun no regular nigga off the street should have access to.

Now all his Dave East-sounding ass did was piss me the fuck off.

"River."

I grimaced in his direction, then quickly focused back on the road. I had no words for Sincere. I had no words for anyone in this moment. All I felt was anger coursing through my veins. My blood was boiling, heating my skin to the touch. Sincere had lost his muthafuckin' mind.

"River!" he barked. Instead of looking at him, I focused on the road's lines blurring as I zipped by.

"River!"

Making a hard left, I jerked the car, sending his body slamming against the door.

"Fuck, River, slow the fuck up," he gritted.

I shook my head, truly at a loss for words. Anything I might've said to express these unnatural feelings escaped me. It was clear Sincere's outlandish behavior didn't bother him the way it did me.

"River." This time, he sweetened his voice, knowing it was hard for me to ignore the sweeter, softer rasp of his tone.

It always sent goosebumps down my arms. I didn't have to look at my arms for confirmation. The way my heart fell out of rhythm and my heavy breathing slowed was a dead giveaway. Sincere's love had me in a chokehold, even in his darkest hour.

"I apologize for that shit, ight. I shouldn't have brought you along. I don't trust too many muthafuckas the way I trust you. None of 'em drives like you either. I knew if I brought you along, I'd make it home and not have to stress 'bout possibly not making it back to you."

"Sincere." I sighed, easing off the gas. We were long gone from the block he sprayed and in the clear.

"Let me finish, Riv. I fucked up and acted on some selfish shit. My heart might've been in the right place, but I went about it wrong. This street shit is dog-eat-dog. I had to eat them nigga's 'fore they got at me."

Sincere being in the streets wasn't new to me.

It was one of the reasons I fell in love with him.

All that mannish, brash, unbothered niggas standing up straight when my man came around turned me on in the best way.

I loved it... as a bystander, of course.

Until today, Sincere kept all street shit away from me.

Being that close to it was enough for me to know I wanted no parts.

"Riv baby, I apologize forreal."

I pulled up to the block I lived on but parked a few houses down. I might've been into Sincere's thug persona, but my momma did not play. She hated my relationship but knew I wasn't leaving Sincere alone, so she tolerated it.

"Riv, you hear me, baby? I?—"

"I heard you." I sighed, shifting the car from drive to park.

"Then look at me."

"Sincere, I?—"

"Nah, I need you to look at me."

Sincere reached for my chin, but I snaked my head out of reach.

Looking at Sincere meant dismissing all I felt.

Standing in my emotions meant something to me.

Too many times, I let Sincere puppy dog eye me out of being pissed at him.

Before, it was fine because I'd never been this upset.

What happened today could cost me everything.

This wasn't something to just sweep under the rug.

"River—"

"What do you want me to say, Sincere? You apologized... but am I supposed to forget what happened?"

"I want you to forgive me, River. You know I wouldn't put you in harm's way."

Sucking my teeth, I looked ahead, doing my best to ignore the fire from his eyes searing my cheek.

"You think I'll let some shit happen to you?"

"Look at what we just fucking did! What if?—"

"Nah, we're not playing the what-if game. Shit was fucked up. I admit that, but don't question my ability to fucking protect you. Matter of fact, look at me 'cause I'm not 'bout to have this conversation staring at your cheek."

"Then we shouldn't have it all," I huffed.

"River. River, you can't look at a nigga now?" he gritted.

Sincere grabbed me by my curls, jerking my head toward him. He smirked, thinking he had the upper hand until I closed my eyes.

"Really, River?"

"I don't want to look at you."

"Why not?"

"Because I?—"

Caught up, I let out a deep breath and squeezed my eyes tighter to keep the tears from breaking through.

"Because what, River?"

"Because looking at you will erase how I feel."

"Isn't that a good thing?" His stupid ass question caused my lids to peel open. I gazed at him, searching for the feeling his name embodied.

"Are you serious? How I feel shouldn't be swept under the rug because I fucking love you."

"Then let's talk about it. Let's do whatever is needed to get us back right."

"Just forget it, Sincere."

"River—"

Ignoring him, I hopped out of the car and did a light jog toward my house.

Those tears I fought back had finally broken through.

Sincere, called my name, voice raw and scratchy, drenched in confusion at my sudden need to be away from him.

Soon enough, it faded in the distance, taking my heart along with it.

The sun retired from its shift, leaving the moon to cast its eerie glow through my window.

Hours' worth of tears ashed my cheeks while snot crusted at the rim of my nostrils.

I was a mess. A sad mess who knew the only cure for the emptiness was Sincere.

Sitting up in my bed, I brought my knees to my chest and then grabbed my phone from the nightstand.

I swiped upward on the lock screen so all of my notifications were showing.

I simpered, then bit into my bottom lip.

Sincere :

BB, hit my phone and let me know you good.

I fucked up. I get that. I apologize.

Tell me what I gotta do to make shit, right?

Fuck BB, I'm going crazy not hearin' from you.

BB... man, you gon' make me pull up to the crib, and you know yo momma don't play that shit.

Ight I get it. You need space. I'ma hit Chosyn and see where she's at. You shouldn't be alone right now. I love you, girl. Always my BB .

With each message I read, my heart pounded louder and louder, as if he were speaking directly to the vessel.

Shaking my head, I dropped my phone on the bed and then pulled the covers over my head.

Digging my nails into the blanket, I allowed whatever was bubbling in my stomach to erupt.

A scream filled with mixed emotions shot from my lips, leaving me breathless.

I closed my eyes, and with my nails still plunged into the blanket, I inhaled so deeply that my shoulders rose toward my ears.

I held the uncomfortable breath, counting from one to ten and then ten to one.

"River, are you okay?"

By the time I exhaled and opened my eyes, Chosyn stood at the foot of my bed.

"I'm—"

"Sincere said you needed me. I would have come sooner, but King was on bullshit. What happened?"

"Sincere said he wanted to go for a ride.

I didn't think much of us getting into an old ass Toyota.

The car was actually the one he taught me how to drive in.

I figured maybe he was trying to be romantic by recreating a moment we shared.

He had me drive out to the Grove. I hit a right and slowed down like he asked.

Next thing I know, Sincere reaches behind him, grabs a gun, and sprays the block.

Two people were standing outside of a building and?—"

I couldn't explain without the guilt of what happened weighing heavily on my heart.

"What the fuck, River? Are they okay? Did?—"

"I don't fucking know, Chosyn, and that's what has me so fucked up."

"Niggas ain't shit. I thought Sincere was one of the good ones."

"He is," I defended without thinking.

"Really? Is the dick that good?" Chosyn scoffed.

"Why does it have to be the dick tho? Sincere has never done fuck shit involving me."

"Until now! Until fucking now, River!" she spat, snatching the blanket from my body.

"What the fuck, Chosyn?"

"They don't have soft, fluffy blankets in prison, and that's exactly where you might end up."

"I know."

"If you did, defending Sincere wouldn't be on your mind."

"I love him, Chosyn," I sobbed. The overwhelming truth swept over me, snatching my common sense and replacing it with stupidity.

"I know. I believe Sincere loves you too, but what he has going on, you have no business being around it."

"Yeah, but you sell weed and help King."

"That's different, and you know it. We weren't raised the same. Lakelyn did right by you. You have a fucking college fund, River."

"Yeah, but?—"

"But nothing. Sincere almost cost you your future, not to mention you could have died."

"What am I supposed to do? Leave him?"

"I can't decide that for you. You have to?—"

My phone ringing, paused our conversation. Seeing it was Sincere, I almost let it go to voicemail, but then that overwhelming feeling turned into an anxious gnaw.

"What Sincere?" Seconds passed without him saying a word. His harsh breathing was all I heard.

"Sincere!"

"They fucking killed her, BB!"

"Huh... wha... what?"

"They fucking killed her, BB! My fucking sister! They took Ale... xis from me!" His voice cracked, breaking my heart even fucking more.

"Where are you? I'll come to you?"

Chosyn sucked her teeth, but she didn't understand.

"Outside your crib."

"Wait, you're outside... for how long?"

"I dropped Chosyn off 'cause King was on fuck shit."

"Okay, I'm coming."

Ending the call, I leaped off the bed and ran toward my dresser to grab a pair of sweatpants.

"River, where are you going?"

"Why didn't you tell me Sincere was downstairs?"

"I didn't know he was still there. It's not like the conversation called for you to know his whereabouts."

"You should have told me and saved the chastising for another time." I grabbed a hoodie from my closet and slipped my feet into my Crocs.

"River, where are you going?"

"To be there for my man. While you were telling me how he could've ruined my life, his life was actually going to shit."

"What happened?"

"Alexis died."

"What?" Chosyn bugged.

She didn't care for Alexis, and neither did I. Alexis fucked around too much for my liking, but that was Sincere's sister, so I was cordial.

"I don't know what happened, but I have to go."

Rushing out of my apartment and building, I spotted Sincere's car parked in the cut across the street.

I smiled because he made sure to be ducked off so my mom wouldn't recognize his car.

Even in dark times, Sincere acted in my best interest. I crossed the street, and Sincere spotted me.

Getting out of his car, he opened his arms for me.

I ran into him, pressing my body firmly against his, whispering, "I got you."

His lips caressed my neck, kissing me gently. With his face buried in my hoodie, Sincere's shoulders shot up, then rested. He was crying.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered.

Lifting his head, he pinched my chin, holding my gaze. A tornado of emotions swirling in his browns.

"You're all I got left in this world, River. I fucked up earlier. I need you like crazy, but if this shit is too much, let me know. I'll leave you alone for good."

"Wha... what Sincere? No." My voice elevated in fear. "I don't want to break up. I forgive you."

"I'm serious, BB. I don't want you thinking what happened to Alexis might happen to you."

"You have always protected me. That's not going to change. Alexis stays in the middle of drama. I'm hurt about what happened, but I know it's not your fault."

"I love you, BB."

Before I could say the same, Sincere crashed his lips into mine. His tears soaked my face as our kiss deepened.

"Our love is forever, beyond the grave type shit. In the afterlife, it's only us," he whispered into my mouth.

I caught every word, allowing them to encase my heart. There was no doubt in my mind that Sincere was who I would love in this lifetime and the next.