Page 57

River Ashland

" C rown, I thought we were getting a room?"

The moment my feet hit the rooftop, my stomach dropped. The wind breezed across my face as Crown threaded his fingers with mine. On the way over, Crown said we'd get a room, order breakfast, and talk about what happened last night, but this wasn't that at all.

"Come on," he rasped.

I followed behind him, nerves dancing all around my stomach.

He was too hard to read, and he barely looked at me on the drive over.

His hand usually gripped my thigh as he drove, but this time there was nothing.

No thigh gripping, no music, and no small talk.

Just silence thick enough to choke the hell out of me.

"Happy birthday!" Crown smirked, turning us both so that we were facing the car of my dreams.

My hand flew to my chest as tears blurred my vision.

"You didn't," I softly muttered.

A Porsche 911 — all black, with sleek curves and chrome accents.

I'd casually mentioned it was my dream car, but I never expected him to get it for me.

On the hood sat a glasses-shaped cake, frosting smooth, gold frames piped perfectly, and tiny candles waiting to be lit.

As if the car and cake weren't enough, thousands of blue roses spilled out of the passenger door, covering the seat and spilling onto the pavement.

"Crown... " I exhaled. His name caught in my throat.

He said nothing, only kissed my forehead and pulled a lighter from his pocket. The flame flickered, then lit each candle.

"Make a wish," he murmured.

I nodded, barely able to see through my tears. Taking a shaky breath, I closed my eyes.

Please, let the guilt that's been sitting on my chest every morning stay gone forever.

More than anything, I wish to stop surviving for someone who isn't here and start living for the man who taught me how to breathe again.

If I only get one wish, then I wish for Crown and me to know forever with each other, even if forever isn't long enough.

I blew out the candles with tears streaking my cheeks. I turned, waiting for his arms to wrap around me, but he didn't move. He just stared, his jaw clenched and his eyes brewing a storm that I didn't think I was going to survive.

"That was a long-ass wish. Fuck you wish for... that dead nigga you're still in love with to come back and steal you from me?" His tone was icy, and each shard twisted into my heart before I could fully comprehend what he'd said.

"Wha... what?" I blinked wildly. "Crown."

"River." He chuckled, not in the sexy way I loved. It was eerie, and for the first time since meeting Crown, fear struck me. "You're not denying what I said."

"Because I didn't wish for him. I wish for us. I'm standing in front of the man I love. The fucking man I want to be with."

"You love me?" he asked.

"Yes! I fucking love you, Crown!" I answered, desperately grabbing his hands.

They stiffened beneath mine, but I laced my fingers through his anyway. I was too scared that if I let go, it wouldn't only be his hands slipping away. It'd be everything we built.

"Nah, you don't love a nigga." He yanked away.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I asked, my voice trembling.

"Fuck am I doing to you, Four?" His humorless laugh made my stomach drop.

"Four!" He bit out, glaring in my direction.

"This! This is what you're doing! Calling me River to punish me, then Four when you want to reel me back in.

I'm not a fucking yo-yo, Crown. I love you.

I-fucking-love you. You know that, so why start a fight over an ex who doesn't matter to me?

If anything, I should have the fucking attitude.

" I barked out, tired of feeling small under his gaze.

"Four get the fuck outta my face with the bullshit. Fuck is there for you to be mad about?"

"The party. You threw me the most amazing party, but you were by my side for all of what... thirty minutes, then you disappeared. It was my birthday, and you left me to go handle business . Then you pop back up, jealous, right after niggas shoot up the block and shove your gun in Rakim's?—"

"Say that's nigga name like you love him. I fucking dare your selfish ass, River," he taunted.

"This is what I'm talking about! Now I'm selfish and saying a name like I'm in love? The only man I love is you, Cortez Crown Gravehart! That's who I love, but that's not good enough for you, is it?"

I shook my head, stepping back. My chest ached as if my heart was folding in on itself. Anger flared, heating my skin and curling my hands into fists. I was conflicted, and Crown questioning my love for him only made it worse.

"Crown, I don't want to argue, but it's not fair how your insecurities can control your actions while I can't ask who Syn is without getting shut down.

Rakim isn't important. I don't know why he showed up, but he looked out for me.

Had you been there, maybe you would've been the one to protect me. But you weren't, so Rakim stepped in."

The second the words left my mouth, I knew I'd fucked up. Crown yanked me into him, gripping my wrist. His lips grazed my ear, but it was his words that chilled me.

"Insult my intelligence like that again, River... I fucking dare your vision-impaired ass. That nigga protected you because you took your four-eyed ass outside where you had no fucking business being."

My nerves screamed in silence. Even pissed, I couldn't deny how undone this made me. At this point, the jokes about my vision were foreplay.

"That's not what I'm doing. All I'ma say is we both messed up last night. Instead of arguing, I?—"

"I thought losing one sense was supposed to heighten the rest of 'em," he rasped, cutting me off.

"What?" I frowned.

"You gotta be blind and fucking deaf. It's the only explanation of why you're not hearing me. I'm not the reason we're going back-and-forth right now," he barked, chest heaving against mine.

"Oh, but I am?" I smacked, snatching away.

"There's a backpack in the Porsche. Go grab that for me."

When I didn't move fast enough, Crown walked to the car, grabbed the bag, and unzipped it in front of me. He pulled out a photo of me asleep on Sincere's chest. I didn't need to ask where it came from because I already knew.

"I haven't been to an ophthalmologist in years, but last I checked, a nigga had 20/20 vision. I started to ask your thick lenses wearing ass what you see when you look at this, but since my vision is better than yours, let me tell you what the fuck I see."

"Crown," I croaked.

"Don't trip. I'll speak loud enough for your deaf ass to hear. I see a bitch in love. I rubbed my eyes three times, 'cause I knew I wasn't seeing my wife lying on another nigga's chest like she belonged there."

"It was before you."

"True, but that's where shit gets sticky as your nigga.

Whatever life you had before me shouldn't fucking exist in the life you have with me, River!

" Crown flicked the photo toward me. I scrambled trying to catch it but missed.

It landed at my feet, and I looked down, ready to grab it, until Crown stopped me.

"Yo... do I look like a bitch-made nigga to you?" he asked, closing the space between us. "Let me get close so you can really see me before answering my fucking question. Do I look like a bitch-made nigga to you, River?"

"No," I muttered.

"Then don't pick that shit up."

"Crown, please?—"

"Who's the nigga in the picture?"

"My ex," I whispered. "Sincere. He died and?—"

"And you've been holding back from me over a carcass ass nigga. That's fucking crazy." He laughed. "He's the reason you were talking that no-strings bullshit, huh?"

"Why is it bullshit when we both agreed to it?"

"We both agreed, but I was honest. I made it clear I wanted you on my terms. I let you know what they were, and not one of 'em had to do with my heart being buried alongside some bitch."

"My heart isn't with?—"

"Stop deflecting and answer the question."

"Yes, he's the reason I didn't want an attachment."

"Damn, a pussy-ass nigga really had my bitch down bad. Nah, Four, tell me you're lying. Ain't no way a nigga who didn't survive a few bullets had you holding out on me." A hollow laugh fell from his lips, dry and disbelieving.

"Wha... what... no... I mean... yes, but you don't understand." My head shook as panic clawed its way up my throat.

"I do understand, and that's why this shit hurts.

I admit I was on fuck shit when we met. I probably shouldn't have fucked with you.

Maybe we used each other the first time we fucked.

After that, it was only you doing the using.

I didn't want strings, but I knew I wanted you.

I wanted Four, so I made it happen. I did the work and cut off any bitch who might've thought she had access to my dick.

I blocked every hoe and made my stance clear with you. I wanted you."

"I wanted you too."

"Nah, you didn't want me, Four. You wanted to use a nigga as a placeholder, knowing I could never fill whatever void a pussy nigga left behind.

I wore your ass down, though. Shit, maybe I forced you to love me, and that's where shit went wrong.

That's on me, tho', so I gotta take this shit on the chin, no matter how badly it breaks my heart. "

Crown walked toward the rooftop's edge, and I trailed behind, desperately searching for the right words to ease our pain.

Without warning, Crown flipped the backpack, letting everything I had left of Sincere be carried away by the wind.

Every photo, the few pieces of jewelry I still had, and the cute notes Sincere wrote me when he really messed up. .. all of it was just gone.

"No!" I screamed, rushing forward, but Crown yanked me back.

"You deadass crying for that nigga?"

"Why the fuck would you do that? Those were my memories!"