Page 65

River Ashland

" C an I have your keys to get in, please?"

After twenty or so minutes of sitting outside his place, I spoke up, ready to get from around him.

At first, I thought Wolfe was going to drop us off and take the truck, but he drove to my house, where Chosyn was, and drove home with her.

Crown jumped in the driver's seat, but I stayed in the back to keep some kind of distance between us.

I hoped on the drive here, Crown planned on dropping me off and maybe spending the night at one of his brother's houses or even with Gigi's.

Hell, my mom's house was even an option.

Anywhere but where I was sleeping tonight would have sufficed.

Our relationship issues were real, but as long as we kept leading with love and avoiding the hard conversations, the ill feelings we had would grow into resentment.

"Crown," I fussed, watching as he scratched along his jaw like he didn't hear me calling him.

I let out a frustrated breath and reached for three of his braids.

At first, I gently tugged on them to get his attention, but then, the memory of his lips brushing mine, his hand on my throat, and the humiliation burning in my chest after I told him I love you came rushing back.

That gentle tug turned into a full-on yank.

"Fuck you doing, Four?" he growled, jerking his head forward.

"The same shit you did to me with that kiss!" I snapped. "I told you I love you and you?—"

I blinked back the tears and steadied my voice. "I want you to hurt the way I did, Crown. Tell me how it feels to be completely defenseless while the person you love causes you pain!"

I grabbed more of his braids and yanked his head to the left, slamming his face into the passenger seat.

"Four!" His bark shot through the truck, freezing me in place long enough for him to break free.

Before he could say or do anything, I swung the door open and took off running.

"Four!" he yelled behind me.

"Leave me alone! Help! Help! Stranger danger!" I screamed down the street even though no one was outside.

"River, get the fuck over here before you?—"

I didn't even hear the rest of it. My foot caught on a raised slab of sidewalk, and I went flying. I hit the ground hard, scraping my palms, knees, and whatever was left of my pride.

Stupid fucking glasses and heels!

Tears burst out of me as helplessness started to settle in. Instead of standing to brush myself off, I just laid there sobbing.

Maybe I deserve this.

"Four, get up."

"No!" I cried. "Just leave me here! You don't love me anyway!"

"Four." His voice cracked with frustration, maybe even guilt.

"Four, get your ass up." This time, he didn't give me a choice.

Crown scooped me into his arms, and like a woman too tired to fight, I buried my face into his chest, breathing in that scent of his I hated to love.

"Big ass baby," he mumbled.

My head shot up. "I'm rubber and you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you." I stuck my tongue out for added insult.

Crown chuckled low and deep. "That's how you feel, Four?"

"Call me River."

"Why? Matter of fact, cool."

His brute tone made it hard to tell if he was offended or if he just didn't give a fuck. Either way, it bothered me. Crown carried me back to the truck to grab his keys, then carried me toward his place.

"What happened to your keys, Fo... River?"

"I took them off my keyring," I answered flatly.

If Crown was going to talk to me with little to no emotion, then I planned on doing the same. Whatever he was on, I was on.

"Get down and take a few steps so I know your ankle's good."

He placed me on my feet, and I did what he asked, all the while keeping a grimace plastered on my face.

"You should be good. Ice it just in case and stay off your feet," he told me, then turned back toward the door.

"Wait!" I shrieked, emotions breaking through. "Where are you going?"

"I need a minute to chill. I'll be back. If you need anything, text me and I got you."

I nodded, but so much more danced at the tip of my tongue. Hearing the door shut and then the lock pulled me out of my trance. I grabbed my purse, which Crown had carried inside, and took out my phone. As I headed toward the bedroom to change into one of Crown's t-shirts, I hit the group chat.

Me:

Where y'all at?

Kyree:

Yurrrrrr!

Kysre:

Do you always have to do the most?

Kyree:

Chill on me twin

Seeing that it was only the twins, I walked into the connected bathroom and propped my phone so I could wash my face. I loved the twins, but with the issues I had, they couldn't help me. Between wiping off my makeup, I checked the chat, waiting to see if Honey or Chosyn would pop up.

Me:

Chosyn......Honey......Navy.

After sending that last message, I washed my face and went through the rest of my skincare steps. I hadn't eaten anything but washing my face and not brushing my teeth seemed wrong. I brushed, gargled with mouthwash, and then walked back into the room, flopping onto the bed.

Kysre and Kyree were still going back and forth with themselves while I wondered where my girls were. Navy and I weren't close, but she was usually the first to reply. Instead of sending another text, I hit the group FaceTime and waited for them hoes to answer.

"River!" Honey squealed when she appeared on the screen. "I thought Crown locked your ass up somewhere for going to that damn remembrance."

"Nice to know you've spoken to Chosyn since she snitched on me," I huffed.

"Don't do that because you know damn well you shouldn't have taken your ass over there. What were you thinking?"

"I don't know!" I snapped. "I'm sorry, but I'm tired of everyone getting on me about my choices, all because they don't fucking understand."

"What is there to understand? Sincere died years ago. Not a month or a year, but years, meaning multiple. What is there for you to still hold on to?"

Sighing softly, I answered, "I'm holding not holding on to anything anymore.

To get to this point, I had to go over there today.

Something about seeing Sincere's mom so broken and grief-stricken was like having an out-of-body experience.

Life is literally passing her bye. She's not living because it's what she wants to do.

.. she's surviving until it's time for her to be with her kids. That's what I was doing."

"Chosyn tried to tell you that, River."

"I know, Honey, but sometimes seeing is better than hearing. I had to see that for myself because what y'all were telling me wasn't enough. I wish it were. Maybe then Crown and I wouldn't be in this weird place."

"Where is he?"

"He dropped me off at his place and said he needed a minute," I answered somberly. "It's for the best, tho'. Today was insane," I stressed.

"What happened? Chosyn told me she sent the boys to go get you, but that's all I know."

"What didn't happen is the better question, but I can't say over the phone."

"Say less. I'm on my way."

"Bring some wings, please. I've been craving utopia wings, fries with light salt, a side of Hawaiian sauce, and a ginger ale all day."

"Let me find out Crown knocked your ass up."

"Please don't be dumb." I laughed awkwardly.

"Mhm! Don't trip. I'ma bring a test too. See you in a few."

Honey hung up, and I laughed reading the messages between Kyree and Kysre. Right as I was about to exit the thread, Chosyn popped up.

Chosyn:

Sorry, my husband missed me. All I got is three minutes before I gotta feed him.

Kyree:

That's a grown-ass man. Why you gotta feed him?

Kysre:

That's what a wife does.

Honey:

Please. She's about to pop that pussy all over that man's beard.

Me:

Facts! That's her fav eater, and she's his fav meal.

Chosyn:

Mind the pussy whose orgasms you feel!!

Kyree:

Kysre:

And with that I'm gone

Honey:

Big Chosyn

Chosyn:

River,you good?

Me:

No, but I will be... hopefully. Fuck niggas!!

Honey:

I'm omw to her.

Chosyn:

Good. I love you.

Me:

I love you, too.

I locked my phone and rolled onto my side. Reaching for Crown's pillow, my arms wrapped around it naturally. I buried my face into it and inhaled, hoping for comfort, but the scent of him was barely there.

Why wasn't he sleeping here?

Was his bed no longer comfortable without me in it?

Did he find someone else?

Was it Syn?

One question bled into the next until tears blinded my eyes. My chest tightened, my throat burned, and my fingers started typing.

Me:

Ask your bitch what Bible verse she wants to read at her wake. I'll make sure to read it over her coffin.