Page 58

"Those weren't fucking memories, River! They were a fucking shrine. You had me competing with a nigga whose address is six feet beneath the fucking earth." His voice cracked for half a second, but I caught it.

The pain.

The betrayal.

The disbelief.

I heard it all.

"Every morning at your crib, you got up and watched the sunrise probably 'cause you did it with that cadaver ass nigga. Then you'll go into your closet and probably fall to your knees for that ghostly nigga. Memories I could've understood. This ain't that, tho', and you know it."

"They were just memories, I swear!" I sobbed.

"You must really love that maggot food ass nigga to lie to my face, Four."

"No... yes... I don't love him, I love you!" Breaking down in front of Crown, I felt everything that we built come crumbling down. "You don't understand. You don't know what it's like to try to move on while feeling like a piece of you has been buried in the dirt."

Crown stared at me with a deadpan look. I held his gaze, searching for something to hold on to, but there was nothing.

Feeling defeated, I looked beyond Crown and focused on my birthday gift.

The Porsche was perfect and made for a greater distraction.

I subtly started to count the roses just to keep my mind from drifting back to Crown.

I made it all the way to twenty before the gratitude soured because that's when it hit me.

The Porsche was my new car... but what the hell happened to my old one?

"Where's my car, Crown?"

"You're looking at it," he answered, sounding so smug, and that's when the tightness started right beneath my ribs. I tried to breathe normally, but the air was caught in my chest.

"Not... not this one, the G8 Crown. Where is my car?"

"After the accident, it wasn't salvageable, so I junked it. I didn't know you built it with the nigga taking a dirt nap until I saw a photo of y'all, but shit, I guess everything happens for a reason."

"You had no fucking right!" I barked as everything inside me caved.

"Fuck that car!" he gritted, stepping into my space. Lowering his head, he brought his forehead toward mine. His stare was cold, and normally, I would've backed down. I knew my limit when fucking with Crown, but at this point, I didn't give a fuck.

"That wasn't just a car to me. We spent countless days on that car. I won and lost my first races in that car, and now it's gone, like it never mattered!"

I was livid. Who did Crown think he was, to take something so precious from me without speaking to me first?

"Stop bullshitting me, Four, and be honest with me. Why are you really mad because I know it's not about no fucking memories?"

"It is!" I insisted.

"Nah, it's not. Be honest with your husband or does the muthafucka feeding maggots his skin only get the truth from you?"

"No," I sobbed.

"Yeah, it's that nigga for you." He chuckled, rearing his head back. His hand stroked along his jaw as his eyes said everything his lips didn't. I broke him. What little was left after Emily betrayed him, I shattered into pieces.

"That wasn't just a car to you... that was true, but the reason isn't memories. In your eyes, that car is just like the shit you kept hidden away in your closet. You held on to all that shit because your dumb ass can't let him burn in hell peacefully."

Everything stilled after Crown said what I couldn't bring myself to admit.

"Why would you say he's burning in hell?" I stupidly asked.

"Where else is that nigga gon' be? Not chopping it up with God or chilling with the angels. That nigga you love is a fucking mutt, a pussy as nigga that?—"

"I hate you!" It came out like vomit... raw, uncontrollable, but more than anything, wrong.

For a moment, we stared at each other, both with heat behind our eyes and sorrow glossing them over. The weight of what I said hung between us, just clinging to the air.

"You hate me?" he repeated. It wasn't a question but a realization. "This is the real you, huh, River? I see why I was only given the opportunity to know Four. But it's cool 'cause I see... I fucking see her, Four!"

Crown paused and looked at me, then really looked at me. I stood firm and didn't say a word out of fear of making things worse. But as I stared back, I saw the man who loved me start to slip away, and the boy who feared becoming his father began to appear.

"You really said you hate me over a nigga who—" His laugh came out dry and bitter, cutting his thoughts short. His hand slid behind his back, gripping his gun and aiming it at me.

I gasped as a chill swept through my body.

"Since you hate me over a nigga you probably didn't know forreal, I might as well put you down for a dirt nap right along with his bitch ass."

"I knew Sincere! I was with him for years!"

"Time doesn't mean shit. You should know that from how hard I fuck with you. I didn't know you for more than a year and look how outta my fucking body I am about you. Fuck am I 'posed to do, Four?"

Crown moved the gun away from me and tapped his temple.

"I've given you the best of me and didn't let a dead bitch hold me back from you. A nigga was out here wildin' about you. I fucked up a single father's meal over you. I might have to send that nigga a card or some."

"You didn't do that for me. You did that to pacify your insecurities," I murmured.

"Is that what you think? I'm insecure because I didn't want some nigga falling in love with my woman over a plate of food?

If that's what you think, then fuck it, I'm insecure.

I'll be that because I see how fucking dope you are at everything you fucking do, including making plates of food.

That shit is top-tier in my eyes 'cause hoes don't be thoughtful about shit like baked beans being next to the sticky wings and baked mac. "

"Crown, please." I tried my hardest not to laugh, but I couldn't help it. Crown always made my simple gestures seem monumental.

"I'm deadass Four. I had muthafuckas keeping an eye on you just to make sure your ass wasn't out here in the next nigga's face.

I made a nigga race a fucking car over you.

I locked a muthafuckin' ring on your finger after knowing you for a month and a half.

I did all that shit, but what was it for when your lost in love, ass rather be in a grave cumming on maggot dick instead of giving me my four-eyed babies. "

"Crown."

"Nah, don't say shit else to me, River. You already talked me outta my sanity and had my head in the clouds behind the bullshit you were telling me.

What was that shit you said to me? Oh yeah.

.." He nodded and smiled mischievously. "My fucking eyes house a part of your soul that you don't remember giving away.

Was that a lie? It couldn't have been a lie 'cause then you said you wanted our moments to be framed forever.

You fucking told me you wanted us forever. "

"And I do!" I shouted, tired of feeling like I was being scolded for having fucking feelings.

"Everything I said to you, I meant. I told you I wasn't ready for you before and made it clear that I was once I said I love you.

I didn't tell you about Sincere, but I was honest in saying I wasn't ready. Does that count for anything?"

"It doesn't count for shit, River!" His voice rattled with rage.

Crown paced in a small circle as the gun twitched in his grasp.

Then he stopped, eyes wide and breathing hard, before pointing the gun at me.

"Do you not see this fucking gun in my hand?

Ain't no safety on this Four. All I gotta do is press the trigger and you're fucking dead. .. just like fucking Emily."

The guy who feared becoming his father had fully surfaced with an unspeakable pain dancing in his eyes. What hurt the most wasn't the malice in his glare where love used to live, but the truth. The truth was that I was the reason he was teetering on the line of insanity and sanity.

"I felt safe with you, Four. I gave you my heart and my last name. Shit, you're probably pregnant with my four-eyed triplets right now. But this shit... you fucked my head up with this one."

"I moved on from him. I swear I did." My voice cracked. "But when you tossed my things, and said you junked my car... it just stirred up all these emotions and it felt like you threw away pieces of me."

"None of that stuff should've felt like you. Who you were then isn't who you are now," Crown murmured, tucking his gun back into his waist. "The past was never supposed to mean more than your present and fuck up your future."

What he said hit like a hammer knocking the final nail into a coffin, and the body inside was our relationship.

Crown and Four didn't exist anymore. He moved closer and cupped the back of my neck with trembling fingers.

He pressed a kiss to my forehead, soft yet soul-shattering, and lacking the tender possessiveness I'd grown to love. This was final.

Pulling away, Crown didn't say a word. He turned, walked to the elevator, and disappeared.

I stayed, the wind tangling my curls and my chest hiccupping with every jagged sob.

I fought to keep it together, but I couldn't, not when I'd lost my forever.

Not when the man who showed me love in its greatest form buried us next to the corpse who killed us.

My knees buckled. I clutched my chest as if holding my heart with my hands was even possible.

Fumbling with my phone, I pulled it out of my hoodie pocket and scrolled until I finally found Chosyn's name.

"River, are you?—"

"I need you," I whispered, my voice weak and broken. "Please... I just... I need you."