Page 85 of Mates for the Raskarrans #1-6

“Shemza’s delighted. Gregar, too, because you and Grace working so hard means Shemza is free to do the things we can’t - patrolling and protecting the village. The more responsibilities we can take from the raskarrans, the better they can keep an eye on their territory and keep everyone safe.”

I try to feel a sense of pride. This is what I wanted to achieve - making myself useful, ingratiating myself with the tribe to the extent that they find me more valuable than they do a burden. But another wave of sickness washes over me. I put my hand to my stomach, hoping the touch will settle it.

Liv notices and frowns. “You alright?”

“My stomach gets uneasy when I’m nervous,” I say, and to my ears, my voice sounds overly bright. False.

“Rachel, if you’re having second thoughts…”

I shake my head. “No. It’s just jitters. I’m fine to go. I want to.”

Liv says nothing for a long moment, but then nods. “Okay. Get packed up, then come and get some breakfast. Hannah’s been up since first light cooking to make sure you and Sam have something substantial to eat before you go.”

We don’t have many clothes currently. Just what spare the raskarrans had in storage.

Most of them are practical rather than pretty, so I just grab the first couple of outfits in my storage box.

I throw in a few extra socks in case the journey is muddy.

It will definitely be wet. The daily rainstorms are less drenching under the cover of the trees, but the water still gets to you.

Apparently, the raskarrans are in such a rush to get everything set up because of the upcoming ‘big rains’.

I’m not sure I want to know what ‘big rains’ are like, when we have pretty big rains every day, by my standards.

When my bag is packed, I slip on my supple raskarran shoes - so much better than the Mercenia work boots we landed here in. They bend to my legs and feet, never rubbing my heels raw, and my steps are so much lighter in them. I wish I’d had them for the journey to the village.

I head out to the central fire, setting my bag down and taking a bowl of food from Hannah. She’s stacked it so high I’m convinced I wouldn’t have been able to eat it, even if I wasn’t feeling so sick. Sam is staring down her own mountain of food and laughing.

“We’re going on a walk, Hannah, not never eating again,” she says, before taking a mouthful.

“I just want you to be at full strength,” Hannah says, an air of worry about her.

“They’ll be fine,” Ellie says, grabbing a bowl and filling it almost as full as ours. “All that walking is hungry work though, Sam, you should eat up.”

Ellie would know. She’s been going hunting with her mate Anghar almost every day.

She has her bow slung over her shoulders now.

She looks vital and strong - like she belongs beneath these trees.

Anghar sits beside her, brushing a hand over her shoulder as if he can’t resist touching her. She looks at him with a loving smile.

I used to look at Jeremy like that. But he never looked back at me the way Anghar does Ellie - like she’s his entire world and he could never get tired of sitting next to her.

And no one ever will, the voice that sounds like Mama whispers in the back of my head.

I eat as much as I can of my breakfast - more than I would have on any other day, but still less than half of what I’ve been given.

Molly eventually takes pity on me and grabs my leftovers, demolishing them in a few minutes.

More than any of us, eating well has done Molly good.

She’s filled out a lot, a healthy glow coming into her cheeks. She looks younger. More her actual age.

Then it’s time to depart. Maldek comes to get Sam, the two of them joking in their easy, companionable way, as if they know each other’s thoughts even though they don’t know each other’s words.

Vantos is far more solemn when he arrives, standing stiff and tall, his expression serious.

I scramble to my feet, lifting my bag over my shoulder, adjusting to its weight.

I feel a little ridiculous when I see the size of the bag Vantos carries, but he looks strong, not a hint of pain in his features, despite the extra weight he’s carrying, and that makes me smile.

Gregar approaches and exchanges some quiet words with Vantos.

“He’s just making sure Vantos feels strong enough to take good care of you,” Sally says, coming up beside me. “Vantos swears on Lina that he is. There are few vows stronger to raskarrans and Vantos doesn’t strike me as the type to make a vow lightly.”

“No,” I say. “I’m in very safe hands.”

“You better had be,” Grace says, striding over and drawing me into a hug. “I want you on my side of the medical hut, not being treated.”

I give her a reassuring squeeze. “It’s not far. Just a few days of walking. I’ll be back before you know it. You’ll probably have to re-teach me all the herbs and what they do.”

Grace shakes her head. “You don’t give yourself enough credit.”

Then it’s hugs all round for me and Sam as all the girls come over to say goodbye.

I feel like I’m leaving forever, not just for a few days, and I’m surprised to get a little teary.

And I might not be the brightest, but I’m not so stupid that I don’t realise they’ve come to say goodbye to Sam more so than me.

But still, they all give me a hug and I feel part of the group.

Part of the tribe.

And it feels so good. To be accepted, to be cared about. As we start walking away from the group, my heart grows heavy with it, and I blink loose a couple of tears.

I want to be a part of the tribe so much. I hate that it feels so tenuous, the sickness in my stomach weighing me down the way the baby one day will.

You don’t know , I try in vain to convince myself.

I scrub away the tears with my sleeve, shore myself up. When Vantos glances over his shoulder to check I’m following, I smile.