Page 18 of Mates for the Raskarrans #1-6

Was less important than finding out what happened to my sister.

The only reason I switched my way in to the lottery winner group in the first place.

And I need to explain that. Not just because it might help them understand why I’ve behaved the way I have, but because it shows them exactly who Mercenia really are.

“Ten years ago, my sister came out to Alpha Colony as one of the first settlers,” I say.

“Mercenia said she died in an accident, but I always thought that was bullshit. I came out here to find out what happened to her, and that was all that mattered to me. Some stupid idea of getting justice, or maybe revenge, for whatever happened to her. But we’re not going to get to Alpha Colony, and I have to let that go.

I’m sorry for being a bitch, for keeping myself separate to you all.

I knew that Alpha Colony was going to be a shit show, and I didn’t want to care about any of you.

Didn’t want to care about what happened to you.

Because I couldn’t save you all. But here, now, maybe I can.

I can talk to their leader, I can negotiate a life for us.

All of us. I’ll never know what happened to my sister, but you know what?

That shit doesn’t matter. She’s dead. She’s dead and we’re not and I’m going to fight to keep us alive any way I can. ”

“Too late for Penny,” Carrie says, a hitch in her throat.

There’s no accusation in her words, no suggestion it’s my fault. Just grief. I grab her hand, squeeze it, and for a moment we sit together in shared grief for a girl neither of us knew well, but who didn’t deserve to die here.

“No one has to make a decision right now,” I say. “We’re all exhausted, starving. Let them feed you, then get some rest. They’ll be taking watch. Sleep, and think about it again tomorrow, when it’s not dark and you’re not as tired and hungry.”

As the last of the light fades, the aliens - the raskarrans - finish cooking the cats over the fire on giant spits they fashioned out of tree branches, carving up the meat with wicked looking knives.

They bring some to each of us, making sure we’ve all got a portion before any of them take a mouthful for themselves.

The meat is chewy and has a strange taste, but my body cries out for the protein.

I think of the paltry offering Ellie and I had found - forgotten on the sands somewhere now.

It wouldn’t have been anywhere close to as satisfying as this.

Full bellies, and the continued distance the raskarrans keep, go a long way to convincing even the most skeptical of the girls that I’m not completely mad.

Carrie might shoot me something like a glare whenever she catches my eye, but I saw the way she closed her eyes when she was eating, the rapture on her face at having something substantial to eat.

I hope the thought of starving once again convinces her to join Gregar’s tribe.

I hope it convinces all of them. I think of Penny rolled up in the parachute. I don’t want to lose another like that.

When the meal is done, one of the grinning brothers holds open the door of the nearest tent and gestures for some of the girls to get inside.

They shoot him slightly wary looks, but he’s handsome in a strange sort of way, and obviously a charmer, even with the language barrier.

It’s not long before there are giggles coming from the direction of the tent.

There’s just about space for four in each tent, which, with Ellie gone and Penny dead, we number only ten.

So Khadija and I end up sharing with Sam, while Grace, Lorna and Molly share, the rest filling the last tent.

Despite my earlier nap, I’m exhausted. My eyes feel heavy as soon as I lie down.

“Sorry for throwing you under a bus like that,” Khadija says.

I sit up, peering through the darkness at her. “You mean sorry for calling me out on being a bitch?”

“Yeah,” she says.

“It’s fine,” I say, even as my heart pinches a little.

Khadija sighs, pushing her lank hair back from her face.

“I’m not angry about it, Liv. You know that.

We both knew Alpha Colony wasn’t going to be everything Mercenia promised.

Hell, I haven’t bothered getting to know any of the others either.

I’m just as guilty. But they were all thinking it.

‘Why should I listen to anything that stuck-up bitch has to say? She doesn’t give a shit about me.

’ If I didn’t call you on it, we’d lose Carrie, Hannah, Mattie, maybe Rachel, too.

I saw that cat thing gore Penny. I… I don’t want to lose anyone else. ”

The back of my throat and my eyes burn. “I don’t want to either. If calling me a bitch is what it takes, I’m glad I’ve got a good enough friend to do it.”

She meets my eyes in the darkness, holds my gaze a moment. Then nods.

“Should one of us keep watch?” she asks.

“Yes,” Sam says at the same time as I answer, “No.”

Khadija and Sam both stare at me, probably wondering exactly how brainwashed I am. And maybe I am brainwashed, but I can’t help trusting Gregar to keep his word.

“If we’re going to go to their village, that means trusting these guys. I, for one, do not wish to spend the rest of my life watching my back. If we’re going to live here, I want to live. Not exist in a constant state of fear. Starting now.”

Khadija and Sam look to each other. Then Khadija shrugs.

“Wouldn’t mind a night of uninterrupted sleep,” she says.

“Sounds good to me,” Sam says.

We settle down into the floor of the tent, and the animal skins they’ve left us as bedding. It’s surprisingly cosy and comfortable, and I drift off immediately.