Page 104 of Mates for the Raskarrans #1-6

“I am glad you think it so simple to solve,” I say. “But a youngling is a joyous thing. If that is the explanation for all her ills, why is Rachel so unhappy?”

Shemza’s gaze is soft as he looks at the door. “She is a long way from her home. Who knows what happened to her mate. She is alone beneath trees that are not her own. A youngling is a joyous thing, but I think in those circumstances, it would be a frightening thing also.”

I hear Shemza’s words in my ears, but my headspace fixes on just a few of them.

Who knows what happened to her mate.

Her mate. Rachel carries a youngling. She already has a mate, and he is not here with her.

This is why she does not mate to one of the tribe.

Her goddess already found a mate for her.

But did he not wish to travel with his mate when she came to the skies over this world?

Or is he still up there, not yet having fallen out of them.

“Do you think there are more humans in the sky?” I say. “Do you think her mate is among them?”

Shemza gives me a confused look.

“They fell from the sky, did they not? Do you think there are others up there?”

“I understand very little about how the human world works, but I do not think there are any more in the sky,” Shemza says. “Her mate is gone, there will be no finding him and reuniting them.”

Shemza thinks me a more honourable male than I am.

My headspace fills with tangling, conflicting thoughts.

I want Rachel’s mate to be in the sky so they can be together again, if that is what will make her happy.

But I also do not wish for her to be happy with anyone other than me.

It is a selfish thought, I know, and it pains me that I even think it.

But it is there in my headspace, I can no more deny it than I can the shape of my face.

I wonder why she kissed me. Why she touched me. Was she thinking of her mate the entire time? I am glad that I could provide her some happiness, some pleasure, but it stings deep into my heartspace to think that she had someone else on her mind the entire time.

But I cannot blame her, or hold any anger toward her. She was frightened, lost and lonely, and I was eager, though I knew well that she was not mine. I have no one to blame but myself.

I must apologise to her. I must make it right between us.

Perhaps her headspace does not tangle with thoughts about us the way mine does, but if there is even the slightest chance that it does, then I must put her at ease.

She has a youngling to worry about. She does not need to carry worries about a ridiculous warrior male who should have known better.

“I would like to speak with her,” I say to Shemza. “You do not think this would cause her any distress?”

Shemza gives me another confused look. “I would think you have the better knowledge to answer that question, brother.”

He is right, of course, but my knowledge is a difficult thing to untangle.

In the end, I decide I will speak to her.

I knock on the door, letting myself in after a moment.

Grace is sat beside Rachel on the healer’s hut bed, holding her hand.

Rachel’s eyes are red from tears, but she does not cry fresh ones.

When she looks over to me, she smiles. It is a little watery, a little small, but it is a smile, and my heartspace is glad to see it.

“ Canyugiveusamoment? ” Rachel says to Grace, who nods, then heads out of the hut, closing the door behind her.

I stand before Rachel, my heartspace swelling with joy to see some colour has already returned to her.

“I am so sorry, my Rachel,” I say to her, at the exact same moment she also speaks.

“Ahmsosorry, Vantos. ”

As always, I do not understand her words any more than she understands mine.

And as always, it does not seem to matter.

She smiles at me, and I smile back, and I feel as close to her in that moment as if we were meeting in the dreamspace.

And suddenly, my thoughts untangle, my headspace clears, and everything seems so simple.

I sit beside her, reaching across to touch her belly.

“Youngling,” I say.

“Yes. Youngling.”

My smile grows wide, and I draw her into my arms, holding her close for a moment. When I draw back, I catch her face in my hand, brush my thumb over her cheek.

“Rachel mother,” I say.

“Mother?”

I touch her belly, then her temple. “Youngling. Mother. Rachel good mother.”

Her eyes grow more watery, but her smile is wider, more real. “ Yuthinkso? ”

I do not wish to cause her smiles to stop, but I must ask my next question, so I cradle her hand in mine, my thumb resting over the place in her wrist where the echo of her beating heartspace can be felt. It beats a little fast, but it is strong.

“Rachel mate?” I say, gesturing again to her belly.

“Mate?” I am about to elaborate when her eyes brighten. “Oh! Gregar, Liv, mate. Yes?”

“Yes. Rachel mate?”

“Bad,” she says, her face twisting with displeasure. “Rachel mate bad. Hewusntagudman, Vantos . Nohlikeyu. ”

And she wraps her arms around me again, burrowing into me.

I can feel my top growing damp from her tears, her shoulders shaking again with her silent cries.

Then she lets me go, drawing back just far enough so she can move up to plant a firm kiss on my mouth.

Her lips do not part, her tongue does not slide against mine, but it is a kiss and it is charged with heat and passion and it is wonderful.

And then it stops, and Rachel holds my face in both her hands, her forehead pressed to mine.

“ Ahmsosorry, ” she says. “ Iluvyu. Sohmuch. Inoyudonwantme. Yuwanuremate, anthasokay. Igedit. Budayeluvyu. Yuhmaydemesohappy.”

I have no idea what she is saying, but I think I understand the emotion pouring out of her just fine.

So I draw her back to me and kiss her properly, telling her what I cannot speak with words.

When I release her, she is still crying.

Because she thinks that we cannot be together.

But I know now that she will not mate to another member of the tribe when she already has a mate.

A bad mate. The thought fills my stomach with fire.

She will not find another, though, and I know I will not mate to one of the other females.

How could I, when my heartspace beats for Rachel alone?

So I know what I must do. I must appeal to my chief to allow me to go outside of the rules of our tribe.

Outside of Lina’s rules. It is a big ask, but I think of how easy our journey was - the times I felt blessed by Lina in our travels.

I am sure I have our goddess’ blessing. I do not know how it is possible I do not, when my heartspace feels such joy.

I must leave Rachel’s side a while, but that is okay. Because when I am done speaking to Gregar, I am sure we will never have to be apart again.