Page 82 of Mates for the Raskarrans #1-6

CHAPTER SIX

Vantos

I feel much more myself when I get out of the bathing pool, the days of sickness rinsed away along with the stink of sweat.

I had not noticed how filthy I was. It is only when I reach for my loincloth and feel the grubbiness of it that it strikes me.

I nearly ball the garment up, thinking I do not need it for the walk back to my own hut, where I can put on some fresh clothing.

But then I remember Rachel’s obvious discomfort at my body and decide instead to rinse it - wash away the worst of the grime - and put it back on.

I am troubled by Rachel’s reaction. She covered her eyes rather than look at me.

I know I am not the most appealing of the males in my tribe, but it pains me to think she finds me so appalling.

It is vanity, I know. She is not intended for me, and I gain nothing from her appreciation of my looks. But still… I wish I had it.

Perhaps it is for the best, I try to convince myself as we walk back towards the village. I fear if she desired me even a little, I would lose my heartspace to her even more than I already have.

Shemza is just approaching the healer’s hut when we get back, and he gives me a wide smile.

“You look well, brother,” he says, gripping my shoulder in greeting. “It is good to see you returning to your strength.”

I notice he is careful not to suggest that I am fully recovered. He is too clever and careful a male for such a slip up. He knows a male such as I would take such words to my stubborn heartspace.

“I feel much improved,” I say. “I look forward to sleeping in my own bed once more.”

Shemza nods, understanding in his gaze. “If you would permit me to take a look at your injuries one last time, I should be able to release you to your own bed. I cannot recommend a return to your full duties until a few further sunsets have passed, but I think you no longer need our constant attention.”

He says this like it is a good thing. And it is. But that stubborn heartspace of mine only reminds me that Rachel’s attention is part of it, and my recovery means I no longer need her. At least, I no longer need her in a way that is acceptable to the tribe.

Like now, as she gives me a shy little smile, before heading off to the centre of the village where the other females are gathered.

I know I do not need her approval to be released from the healer's hut, that Shemza has far greater knowledge of injuries and raskarran medicines, but I dislike how she walks away.

It is not right that my headspace fixes on her so, but I cannot stop myself staring after her until after Shemza notices.

“You must be pleased to have two such competent and kind apprentices,” I say, as if Shemza will not see straight through my words to the truth I try to hide.

I expect him to tease. He is far more serious than most in the tribe, but he can have a tongue as quick as Maldek and Rardek when he so chooses.

But he must take some measure of pity on me, for he nods and says, “It is hard being around the females. I thought it was hard not being around them, but to see what Gregar and Anghar are so lucky to have and to not have it for myself… I fear Lina is testing my character and finding me wanting.”

I shake my head. The idea that Lina could find one such as Shemza wanting - it is not possible.

“You have a good heartspace and a bright headspace. I do not believe Lina could find you in any way wanting.”

A slightly pained look crosses Shemza’s face, and I know why.

He wishes - as we all do - to know why we have not been chosen as mates.

Why Lina does not see us fit to receive the blessing of a linasha.

Every day that passes, it seems less and less likely that it is just a matter of the females needing to settle in, to recover from their ills.

Every day that passes, we are forced to accept a little more that these females are not intended for us.

I care little about who the other females will eventually mate with. Only Rachel. I do not know if this makes me more of a fool or less.

“We should check your wounds,” Shemza says. “Everyone will be glad to share the fire with you when we eat tonight. They all wish to hear your heroic tale spoken in your own voice.”

He grins as he says it, that teasing glint appearing.

“I have no heroics to describe,” I say. “I only did what needed to be done for the tribe.”

I am getting dressed in my hut when Gregar arrives, wearing as wide a smile as I have ever seen on him.

“My heartspace is glad to see you on your feet, brother,” he says, gripping my arm in greeting. “I am sorry I have not visited sooner - I have been much preoccupied.”

Maldek and Rardek would have teased him about his pretty linasha being the one to occupy his headspace, but I know that is not the case.

“You are concerned about other tribes?” I say, taking a seat in my father’s chair, gesturing for Gregar to take the other.

I rub my shoulder as I sit. Shemza inspected my injuries and declared them mostly healed.

If I had not endured infection and days of recovery, a simple djenti berry treatment would be enough to clear the last of my hurts away.

But Shemza says my body is too tired to speed along any healing now. That I need to rest and recuperate.

I feel this is all I have done. The thought of passing more sunsets this way does not enthuse me. Especially as I no longer have the bright moments of Rachel’s attention to look forward to.

“I think much on other tribes, yes,” Gregar says.

“The Cliff Top tribes will be aware by now that their brothers are missing. Between Anghar’s skirmish with them and the ones we took down outside the village, they have lost a large number.

But I do not know how many the Cliff Top tribes number.

If those we encountered were from the same tribe as those Anghar did.

Do we have one or two tribes looking for revenge on us?

Or have we depleted their numbers so that they have not the strength to come after us?

I hope much for this option, but have to prepare for the possibility that two tribes could seek us out.

They do not know where our village is, but there will be a trail to follow if they find the escape pod on the beach. It would not be difficult.”

His headspace is troubled much by this thought, his lips down-turned at the edges, despite his joy in his linasha. Or perhaps because of it. He has much to lose now. A linasha and the youngling she carries.

“Sarkry’s tribe are ever a concern also.

He has not had cause to try his luck on our tribe since last time, but if he found out about the bounty we now have in our care…

” Gregar’s shoulders droop, weariness affecting his entire body.

“I have promised these females a good, safe life. I did not realise how difficult a promise to keep it might prove to be when I made it. I fear I have been dishonest with them.”

“Not dishonest. You have done everything within your power.”

“And what should a male do when his power is not enough?”

I think he does not intend for me to answer, but an idea comes into my headspace.

I am a follower of orders, not a thinking male, but days spent in my sick bed have given me little opportunity to do anything else.

Because I am selfish, my thoughts have been centred on the females, on Rachel.

Imagining the day Ferzan’s Wandering tribe comes through our village, meeting the females in their dreamspaces as they approach.

Taking the females with them when they leave.

I have dreamed many times of watching Rachel walking away from the village, and woken up in sweats that I am not sure had anything to do with my injuries or lingering fever.

Lina must hold such contempt for a piteous male such as I. But those thoughts and dreams do give me my idea.

“He seeks to join his power with that of another,” I say.

Gregar looks thoughtful. “We have made offers to other tribes before, and they have refused to leave their homes for the same reasons we have refused to leave ours.”

Nobody wishes to abandon the memories of those they lost. Living in this village is like living in a haunted place at times.

But hauntings do not have to be terrible.

I can glance at the fire pit in my hut and see my mother smiling back at me, if I catch it just right.

Caught between waking and sleeping, I can sometimes hear the bright, high voices of my sisters playing in the room next to mine.

When these whispers are all you have, you do not wish to risk leaving them behind.

“They had more reason to stay than they did to leave,” I say. “That has changed now.”

Gregar is quiet for a long moment. “We have no means of knowing where Ferzan and his Wanderers are. Perhaps we are lucky and they, too, saw the escape pod as it fell from the skies and even now travel towards our lands. They know they can shelter here when the big rains come. Perhaps they will seek us out themselves. But we cannot rely on it.”

He gets to his feet. Walks back and forth a few times.

My hut is one of the largest in the village.

It was my mother and father’s hut, and with three younglings, they needed the space.

It has felt too large and empty many times to me, but Gregar bristles with an energy that makes it seem suddenly smaller.

“We are spread so wide throughout Lina’s forests. Many tribes would be too far to reach before the big rains, and more still I would not risk approaching. I can think of only two we might ask.”

“Two tribes would triple our numbers,” I say. “It would be enough.”

Gregar nods. “Come. We must gather the tribe. We have much to discuss.”