Page 43 of Mates for the Raskarrans #1-6

CHAPTER FOUR

Anghar

M aldek comes to run beside me as the morning drifts away, the sun high above our heads when it breaks through the leaves.

“I think you run even faster today, brother,” he says, grinning at me. “What sweetness your dreams must have been last night to give your legs such strength.”

If he knew the truth, I think perhaps he would be disappointed for me.

But Maldek does not know what it is to enter the dreamspace and see your linasha.

He would not understand that simply speaking to my Ellie is a greater pleasure than I have ever known.

I pray to Lina that one day he finds out.

I pray all my brothers are as blessed as I.

“Tell me of her, brother,” he says after a moment. “Distract me from this endless running. I asked Gregar, but he just grinned at me in a way that makes me think I do not wish to know.”

I laugh. I know Gregar feared for his linasha’s safety, but he is in a good mood this morning, barely able to keep himself from smiling as he runs.

My heartspace sings with gladness that she is well, that she is so accepting of my chief as her mate.

Ruling our tribe has been difficult for Gregar.

It is hard to lead a group of males with no purpose and no future.

But now we have both, and no amount of prayers of gratitude to Lina will be enough to repay her for the gifts she has bestowed on our tribe.

“We talked of hunting,” I say, smiling as I remember my Ellie asking me of the different creatures she can hunt to provide for her tribe. She has a hunter’s heartspace, and when I find her, I will teach her how to hunt the creatures of the forest to provide for our tribe. The thought thrills me.

Maldek smiles. “Hunting? I would speak of nothing but younglings, I think, if I found mine.”

“Younglings are on my mind also,” I say. “But my Ellie’s first concerns are around providing for her tribe. I do not think they know these lands well.”

Maldek’s expression shifts to one of concern. “Where do we think they have come from? Gregar says that they have arrived with the egg. You think they journey towards it as we do?”

“I think they are from far-off lands, however they came to be near our forests,” I say. “My linasha has not seen our kind before. She does not look like we do.”

“And how does she look?” Maldek’s eyes are alight with curiosity. “Gregar will only tell me his linasha is beautiful beyond measure. I hope you have a better tongue for describing things.”

I try to think of how best to describe my Ellie. My instinct is to reach for the same praise Gregar bestows on his linasha, but Maldek’s curiosity is born of a hope that he will find a linasha of his own among my Ellie’s people. For his sake, I must do my best to paint an image with my words.

“Her skin is darker than our own, more brown. The colour of the branches rather than the mix of branches and leaves. She is small, her head would come to my chest, perhaps.” I indicate the spot where I think her head would fall if she stood against me.

Momentarily, I am distracted by the thought of her body pressed against mine, her soft female shape tucked into my arms. Maldek makes an impatient sound, but grins at me, as if he knows down what path my thoughts have wandered.

“But for all she is small, she is strong. Arms made for drawing a bow. If it is not a skill she already possesses, I am going to teach her.”

Maldek’s smile widens. “This must please you greatly.”

“It does.” Bow hunting is my favourite, and I am highly skilled at it. The thought of this being something I can share with my linasha fills my heartspace with joy. “And she is also beautiful beyond measure, of course.” I add.

Maldek laughs. “This tells me nothing, brother. If I had a linasha and she had a face like Vantos’ backside, I would still think her beautiful beyond measure.”

I grin. “I pray to Lina that you are blessed with a linasha of your own soon. And that she does not have a face like Vantos’ backside.”

We run and run all day until we are close to exhaustion.

Shemza feeds us all djenti berry tonic to soothe our aches and ensure we have the strength to do it all again tomorrow.

I guzzle the bitter liquid, then eat a portion of our rations, my body crying out for sustenance after the day’s efforts.

I am desperate to sink in to what comfort the forest floor can offer, to close my weary eyes, and not just because my Ellie waits for me.

I am weary to my bones, and would have craved the peaceful oblivion of sleep without the promise of the dreamspace.

But tonight I must do my part in the watch.

I cannot be selfish - my brothers run and exhaust themselves to find my linasha, not their own.

They are good males, the best tribe brothers a raskarran could ask for, and do this for me without complaint.

I know they hope to find a linasha of their own among my Ellie’s people, but even if it was impossible, and they knew it to be such, they would still run with me.

I will not fail to do my part in the duties when they do so much for me and Gregar.

Still, sitting up in the darkness is difficult. I am like an eager youngling, ready to celebrate their naming day in the morning. I can think of nothing but closing my eyes and receiving my gifts. Except instead of a practice bow, or a skinning blade, it is my linasha I will receive.

I wonder if tonight she will allow me to touch her.

The thought of running my palms across her skin makes my heartspace thunder, and I fear that sleep will evade me - the anticipation making it impossible to relax.

But when Rardek comes to relieve my watch and I settle myself onto the forest floor, I am in the dreamspace within moments of closing my eyes.

My Ellie rolls her eyes when she sees me. “You again.”

“Me again. I hope this does not displease you, linasha. It will be me again every night for the rest of our lives.”

My spirits are high this night. We are ever closer to the sands where my linasha awaits me and though she is not full of delight to see me, she has not seen fit to threaten me with a spear again since our first night. In all ways, I feel like I am making progress towards her.

“Well, you’re not difficult to look at, so there’s that going for you. Just don’t start talking about staging a rescue, I’m not in the mood.”

I am about to tease her, try to coax out more smiles, but I notice a tightness to her that was not present in her last night. She had worries, yes, but today she wears them much closer to her surface, her jaw set, her shoulders tense. It stings my heartspace to see it.

“Were you unable to find food, my Ellie?” I reach out towards her, desperate to comfort her with touch. In my eagerness to soothe her hurts, I forget she does not appreciate when I get too close.

“Don’t touch me,” she hisses, anger flashing bright in her eyes.

I draw my hand back, holding myself away from her, though every instinct and every thought in my headspace demands that I draw her into my arms and hold her.

This is the raskarran way, but my linasha is not raskarran.

It was foolish to forget that she is not soothed in the same way I would be.

She probably thinks I touch her expecting matings when she is clearly in no mind for it.

This is my fault - I am the one who talked of mating and younglings, as if that is all I could want from her.

Her mind is on surviving, not the future.

Our headspaces are not aligned, and until they are, I will not expect her mind to turn to mating, however much I ache to give her the kinds of pleasure the elders taught me to.

To use the dreamspace to worship her.

For now, I must show her I can be trusted to respect her wishes. That I place her needs far above my own.

“I will not touch you, linasha,” I say. “I would never do anything you do not wish for me to do. I swear this to you.”

I sit back from her, placing my hands in my lap in front of me so she can see them.

She watches me through narrowed eyes, but the anger is fading.

The main thing I read in her face now is confusion.

I am reminded that she is unfamiliar with the dreamspace.

That this could all be very uncomfortable for her.

And I have been a bad mate for not trying harder to make things better for her.

“Would you tell me a little of where you are from?” I ask her.

“You want to know where I’m from? Don’t you already know? You’re in my head, aren’t you?”

“In some ways, yes,” I say. “We are sharing a dreamspace. Our headspaces are joined here. It’s what allows us to talk and understand each other.

But I cannot read your thoughts, or know anything about you that you do not wish to tell.

I am curious where you have come from, linasha.

I have never seen your like before, as I said. You are not of Lina’s forests.”

“Who is Lina?”

I know my eyes widen. I cannot stop the reaction before it is made clear on my face.

“You… you are not from Lina’s lands at all, then?”

I have travelled across only a small portion of Lina’s forests.

They are large and provide everything the tribe has needed - until now.

I know some of the wandering tribes have travelled great distances, but we have met with Ferzan’s tribe many times over the seasons, and he has never mentioned a land where there are females like my Ellie, capable of forming the mate bond with raskarrans.

“I’m going to say ‘no’,” my Ellie says. “Is Lina your leader?”

“She is our goddess, our guardian. Spirit of the trees and the lands. It is she who chose us to join in the dreamspace together. She who has chosen you for my mate and I for you.”

My Ellie’s confusion only deepens.

I remember the event that started our frantic run across the forest to the sands. The burning thing shaped like an egg that fell from the sky. It is what we have been running towards.

“This may sound strange, linasha, but did you come to this place in an egg that fell from the sky?”

I expect her to scowl at me, to scold me some more. It is not a stupid question; I know this, but it sounds like one. If she did not see the thing that fell from the sky she may think me witless.

To my surprise, she lets out something close to a laugh.

“I suppose that’s one way of putting it.”

“How did you get inside an egg?”

She does not look like a youngling, especially not one so soon born.

She has the shape of an adult female, the intelligence of one, too.

Besides, Lina would not have placed us in the dreamspace together if she were not of mating age.

It must be some strange ritual of her people. I cannot begin to understand it.

“It’s not an egg, it’s an escape pod. Our ship was damaged somehow. Malfunctioning. The captain had to put us on the escape pod and send us towards the nearest inhabitable planet before… Why am I explaining this to you? You’re not real.”

I tip my head to the side. “I assure you, linasha, I am real.”

But of course, I have no way to prove it until I arrive at the sands. Until I can stand before her in the waking world.

“What was your name again?” my Ellie says, sitting up a little taller.

“Anghar, linasha.”

“Ang-HAR,” she says, stressing the second half in an exaggerated way as she gets familiar with the shape of it. “Anghar. That’s a strange name.”

“Not to my people,” I say.

“How did I think of it?”

“You did not.” I am smiling, amused by her despite the strange twists of our conversation. “I told it to you.”

“Yes, but you’re not real. I’ve imagined you. So how did I imagine that? And you say my name wrong, too. The emphasis. It’s the wrong way round. It’s EH-lee, not eh-LEE.”

I dip my head, a hint of shame flaring in my heartspace. It is a small wrong, easily corrected, but it is not an error I should have made. I should have paid closer attention to her.

“I am sorry, my E…” I swallow, switch the emphasis in my mind. It is the opposite to how a name should be, but she is not raskarran. I must learn it her way, not force it to be mine. “Ellie.”

She stares at me like I am the strangest thing she has ever seen. Perhaps I am.

“I don’t understand any of this,” she says.

“Then ask me, linasha, and I will explain it to you as well as I am able.”

She remains quiet for a long time. I keep my gaze on her, drinking in the shape of her features - the soft fullness of her lips, the line of her cheekbones, the curve of her neck. I am struck again by the perfection of her. A more beautiful female never lived, I am certain of this.

“Do you want to touch me?” she asks in the end.

I understand from her tone that she is not asking so as to give me permission.

“I do,” I say, deciding the truth in this is better than a lie. She would not believe the lie, anyway. “You are my mate. We are taught as younglings that a mate is a blessing, a gift from Lina. Good males spend their time in the dreamspace bringing their mates great pleasure.”

“Sounds wonderful,” she says, her tone saying the opposite. “And how would you do that?”

I falter a little. My Ellie gives a savage look of triumph.

“It is not that I do not know how to pleasure a female,” I say, trying to think through my words carefully before I say them. “I was taught many ways by my elders. Since the moment I first saw you, I confess, I have been much occupied with wondering how you taste.”

“Taste?”

“Your cunt,” I say. “I have thought many times during my travels towards the sands of what it will be like to lick your cunt, to taste your sweet juices. Drive you wild with my tongue. Lick through your folds until you squirm, tease at your entrance.” I am enjoying this line of thought and continue with enthusiasm.

“Make you come with my mouth, my fingers. Perhaps my tail also.”

I look over to her, heat and mischief in my smile. Only to find her staring at me, slack jawed.

“W-what?”

I am unsure if it is surprise or horror on her face. I recall the original manner of her question and shame creeps over me again.

“I mean to say, that is what I have been taught to do with my mate in the dreamspace to please her,” I say, the words coming out of me in a rush to appease her.

“Only, you have said you do not wish to be touched. I do not know how I can please you in other ways. It seems every time I try, I do not do well at it.”

She softens a little. “You listened to me about the not touching thing.”

A small offering, but it is something. My heartspace warms.

“You must let me know if there is anything else you wish for me to not do, then.”

For the briefest moment, there is a flash of smile on her lips. My heartspace soars with triumph.