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TWENTY

BANE

Telling Jerryn I’m in love with him is such a surreal feeling. I’ve known forever, wondered if I would ever have the nerve to tell him, and now that I have, my only regret is not telling him sooner. I could’ve been this happy a long time ago.

It was honestly the only reasonable response to his suggestion.

Fuck other people? No way. No shade to anyone that works for, but I can’t even imagine it now that I’m in an actual relationship with Jerr.

The last thing on my mind is getting laid.

The only thing that matters to me is making him feel safe and happy. That’s it.

He’s standing near a table after delivering some appetizers to them, and I realize how many times I’ve watched him, just like I am now, dreaming about finally admitting my feelings. I’m leaning on the bar, all my attention focused on Jerr, when someone bumps into me.

I turn to my left to see Lowen. His cheeks are pink and he looks a bit flustered as he reaches out and grabs my arm to balance himself.

“So sorry. I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

“It’s cool.” I tilt my head. “You okay?”

“Yes. Fine.” He smooths his hands over his t-shirt, and over his shoulder I see Oakley coming down the hallway.

I get it now. “Were you smooching back there?”

Lowen practically chokes on his own spit before clearing his throat. “Of course not.”

I grin. “So that beard burn is from this morning?”

Oakley joins us, a big smile on his face. “How’s it going, Bane?”

“All good here. You?”

“Perfect.” He kisses Lowen’s cheek. “I’m gonna sit at the bar.”

Lowen nods, blows out a breath, then actually laughs softly as Oakley leaves. “He’s amazing.”

“Seems like it.”

“How are you? I feel like we haven’t caught up in a while.”

“Life is good. No complaints.”

Jerryn walks over to us, smiling and tucking some of his hair behind his ear. “Hey, Low.”

“Hey. Thanks for grabbing that table for me.”

“Of course.” Jerryn glances over at Oakley. “Things are good with you guys?”

“Yes. Very good. The future is bright.”

Jerryn nods, glancing briefly at me before leaning against my arm. “I agree.”

Lowen seems to notice the contact between us, but it’s not exactly unusual, so he just smiles and excuses himself. Once he’s gone, Jerryn leans in even closer and kisses my cheek.

“I’m excited to get out of here tonight.”

“Yeah? Why’s that?”

“Being alone with you is my favorite part of the day.”

“Mine too, sweet stuff.”

His smile grows, but I know there’s something else on his mind. I can tell from the way he bites his bottom lip, plays with his hair, and searches my eyes like he’s looking for permission.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?”

“I do.”

“Good. Anything on your mind?”

He shakes his head, smiling at me. “Just excited to get home.”

“Me too, Jerr.”

He’ll tell me when he’s ready. Until then, I’ll just keep showing him how I feel and how amazing he is.

About an hour later I get my wish. I leave Moby’s with Jerryn, Indy, Salem, and Kit.

Ridley and Lowen are staying behind to shut the place down.

We all head down the sidewalk together, chatting about the day’s events from funny customer interactions to getting ready for the weekend crowd.

Jerryn is talking about a customer who insisted he was allergic to tomatoes and was adamant they weren’t on his burger, but then he kept eating the cheese sticks and dipping them in marinara sauce.

When Jerryn stepped in to clarify that the marinara sauce was made with tomatoes, the man said he was only allergic to them if they weren’t cooked.

“I don’t know why people insist on saying they have an allergy to something they don’t like,” Salem says. “Just say you don’t like raw tomatoes, dude. It’s okay.”

“No, it’s real,” Kit says. “I had a roommate who had the same thing with tomatoes. He could handle them in small amounts if they were cooked, but if he ate them raw he broke out in hives.”

Salem’s eyes widen for a second. “I had no idea.”

“Granted, a lot of customers just say stuff like that to make sure we won’t put something they don’t like in their food,” Kit continues. “But it can be a real allergy.”

“Good to know,” Salem says.

“I had no idea either,” I add.

The topic shifts when Salem talks about a reservation we have on the books for next week. “They asked if they could reserve a table for their group. I had to ask what the

group was about to make sure it fit our vibe, and I’m so glad I did.”

“What’s it about?” Jerryn asks.

“Bisexual men.” Salem wiggles his shoulders. “They’ve been meeting in each other’s houses, but they’ve always wanted to support a queer business if they could.”

“That’s fucking cool,” Kit says. “What do they do at the group?”

“Caller said they just talk about their experiences or get advice from the others. They talk about the challenges of being bi as male presenting people.”

“I dated a bisexual guy,” I say. “He said he got shit all the time about not picking a side or actually being gay but not admitting it. It seemed kind of rough.”

“I hope that’s changing,” Salem says. “No one should be judged for the way they love.”

I glance at Jerryn and he smiles before blowing out a breath. “Things are getting better.”

Everyone is silent for a moment as Jerryn continues.

“I’m not bisexual,” he adds, “but my sexuality is a little different from what you might think.”

I rub his shoulder. I’m so proud of him right now.

“Different?” Indy asks.

Jerryn nods. “I’ve never talked about it because I wasn’t really sure where I fell. I knew I wanted to date men, but I don’t experience attraction the same way as a lot of people probably do.”

Jerryn glances at me and I wink.

“I’m on the ace spectrum,” he says, and I know it took a lot to get the words out. “And demisexual.”

“Not to be dense, but what does that mean?” Kit asks.

“I resonate with gray-ace and demi, which means I feel infrequent or inconsistent attraction, but it’s only possible when there’s an emotional connection. Learning about it changed my entire view, and it made my dating life make a lot more sense.”

“That’s what you meant when you said…” Kit’s words trail off.

“What?” I ask.

“Yes,” Jerryn says, even though I’m still lost. “When you guys asked me why not me and Bane, that’s why.”

“When did this conversation happen?” I ask.

“When that guy called Jerryn,” Salem says. “The guy he dated.”

“Right after you stomped off to get water.” Kit grins at me.

I nod, remembering how that text from Alec started the ball rolling that got us where we are now.

“Turns out, I was wrong,” Jerryn continues. When I glance over at him, he’s looking down but his cheeks are bright red. “Bane accepts me the way I am.”

“Well, duh,” Salem says. Indy smacks his arm.

“Are you low-key telling us something, Jerr?” Indy asks.

Jerryn nods. “Yeah. We’re finally together.”

“Hell yeah.” Kit squeezes my shoulder from behind. “’Bout time you made the conversion, man.”

“It is.”

“That’s awesome,” Salem says, patting Jerryn’s arm. “I’m happy for you guys.”

“Thanks,” he says softly. “I’m happy too. I figured it was time to tell you guys about me because I’m not ashamed.” He smiles. “Anymore.”

“Anymore?” Indy asks.

“When I didn’t understand, it just felt like something was wrong with me and that I’d never make a good partner, but now I know that’s not true.”

“I’m glad you figured that out,” I say.

“I hope you didn’t think we’d judge you,” Indy says. “We’re your friends. We would have supported you.”

“I know. It wasn’t that. I didn’t have the words. Telling you guys never crossed my mind.”

“I’m glad you found your answer,” Kit says. “Everyone deserves that.”

Jerryn clears his throat. “I am too. It’s been a long time coming, but I finally know who I am and where I belong.” He smiles. “I belong in Willow Bay, surrounded by friends, and with an amazing relationship.”

“We need to celebrate,” Kit says. “Sunday. We’ll do it up big.”

“We don’t need to make a big deal of it, guys,” Jerryn says.

I slide my arm around him. “Actually, yeah, we do. I think you’ve earned a little time in the spotlight.”

He offers me a shy smile. “We’ll celebrate everyone. How’s that?”

“Works for me,” Kit says. “Stewart’s gonna love this. He says from the moment he met you guys, he knew there were sparks.”

Jerryn smiles and reaches down to hold my hand. Now those sparks can grow into a big flame, and I am so here for it.

We make it back to the house and all go our separate ways.

Jerryn follows me up the stairs to my room, and I can tell he’s still thinking about something, even after his epic announcement to our friends.

Whatever is on his mind, I hope he’s willing to tell me about it.

It can’t be as wild as suggesting we go non-monogamous.

Once inside my room, Jerryn seems to freeze in place. I put my hands on his shoulders from behind, leaning in to kiss the side of his neck.

“What do you want to do tonight?”

He turns around, holding my gaze. His teeth briefly graze his bottom lip, but he stops himself quickly.

I tilt my head, smiling. “Tell me.”

Jerryn huffs out a small laugh, dragging his hand through his hair. “I tried something earlier. In the office.”

I nod, rubbing his arm. “Go on.”

“I wanted to see if maybe something had changed after what you told me in the park.”

“Something?” Where is he going with this?

Jerryn clears his throat, nodding. “I’m pretty sure that being in my head about the sex stuff is what prevents me from feeling things the way I want to.”

“Right.”

“But hearing that you’re in love with me changed…” He shrugs. “Everything. I think I always hoped that could happen for me, but having it happen with you is a dream I didn’t dare to have.”

“Jerr—”

“Let me finish.”

I nod.

“I went and sat in the office, and I closed my eyes and imagined telling you all the things in my heart and knowing I wouldn’t freak you out or make things weird.” He grabs my hand. “Because you already feel those things.”

My jaw drops and it takes me a second to process his words. “What are you saying?”

He smiles as his eyes turn glassy with unshed tears. “I’m in love with you too. I’m pretty sure I have been for a long time, but I wouldn’t let myself go there. Like you said earlier, maybe that’s why I never clicked with anyone else. I was always comparing them to you.”

“Jerr…” I can only manage a whisper as it sinks in.

“I convinced myself that there was no way because you’d need more than I could give, so I tried to bury it. All this started because I wanted you to feel free to go out and find love, not feel obligated to spend time with me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I went to the seminars so I could figure myself out and maybe find a way to date successfully. I thought if I did that, you’d go out too. I thought I was holding you back.”

“You know better now?”

He nods. “It still feels like I might wake up any second and realize you’re still just my best friend, and we’re still just hanging out together, and I made up all the other stuff.”

“You didn’t, sweet stuff. You’re awake.”

He nods, blowing out a breath. “So in the office, I imagined something else.”

“Tell me.”

“We were naked, and I put you in my mouth.”

His words surprise me, but my body reacts immediately, heating up and sending tendrils of desire winding through me. “How did you feel?”

“I felt…” His expression softens. “I felt it, Bane. I didn’t panic. I just sat there and let my mind take me on a trip.”

I’m blown away.

“And finally, after imagining what it would feel like to have your cock in my mouth and knowing how you would look at me and talk to me, hearing your satisfied moans… it happened.”

“What happened?”

“I got hard.” A bright smile graces his face. “And I mean actually hard. Not a brief twinge. I was so excited I almost ran out to show you.”

“I wish you would’ve texted me to come back.”

“Oh.” He blinks rapidly. “I didn’t think of that.” Jerryn grabs my hand, squeezing it. “But I got hard from thinking about us together. I never do that.”

“Fantasize?”

He shakes his head. “Never. I guess I didn’t ever feel like I wanted to.

When I was younger, I tried watching porn, but it didn’t do anything for me.

Watching people I don’t know get it on had no effect on me.

I tried a couple of times with guys I was dating, and I convinced myself I was feeling it, but what I felt today was completely different.

It made me lightheaded and I cried a little. ”

“Babe…”

“But it proved something.” He exhales slowly. “I’m not broken, and I can feel sexual things. I can want them. I think the missing link was you.”

“Me?”

“It’s the demi part I didn’t get. I have to feel safe and loved, and those are two things I haven’t felt in any of my other relationship attempts.

The connection you and I have is special and unique, and it’s even better now.

Bane…” He swallows hard. “For the first time ever, I really, really want to make love. I want to have sex with you, and I want to do all the things I’ve only ever wondered about. ”

I can’t believe my ears. “There’s still no rush, Jerr. We can take it slow.”

“We’ve been taking it slow. I think twenty years is long enough, don’t you?”

“Are you sure it’s not because of what I said earlier? I don’t expect sex just because I’m in love with you.”

“I know that. In a way it is because you told me that, but not because I feel pressured or because I think I’m obligated.” His voice cracks. “It’s because I know you’re the man I’ve waited for all my life. It’s not a fantasy that we can be together. It’s real, and I’m safe. Finally.”

A tear slides down his cheek, and I step forward to brush it away with my thumb.

“If it’s what you really want, I’d be honored.”

“I’m not doing anything I don’t want to do.” He cups my face. “I can’t make any promises about how long it will last or if it’ll be good for you, but I want to be with you.”

“None of that matters. Being with you is all I care about. We’ll figure it out together.”

Jerryn’s expression softens as he smiles. “I’m not even nervous.”

“That makes one of us.”

He laughs softly. “Don’t be. This is us, Bane.”

“You’re right. I just want to make it so good for you.”

“It would be impossible not to.”

“Your expectations are high.”

He shakes his head. “No. My only expectation is that it’s you and me. Took us long enough.”

I laugh, feeling the nerves dissipate. “It did. Better late than never?”

“Yep.” Jerryn glances over his shoulder toward my bedroom. “I’m ready, Bane. I’m so ready.”

I nod, leaning in to kiss him briefly. Jerryn is in love with me too and he wants to take things to the next level. I promised him he’s not dreaming, but if we are, please never let us wake up.