Page 18

“Can I…” My stomach reacts to the question before I ask it, sending a little flutter rippling through me.

“Whatever you want, Jerr.”

I nod, tentatively touching his chest. I brush my hand over his soft skin and the light hair he has.

It feels nice. He’s lean but not too muscular.

That’s why his hugs are so good. When I venture a glance at his face, he’s watching me with a soft smile, but there’s something in his eyes I haven’t seen before and couldn’t begin to define.

Something that makes my breath hitch and my stomach flutter again.

“Touch anything you want,” he says. “If you’re curious, it’s okay with me.”

I could touch his dick if I wanted to. He’s giving me permission. But then what? I’m not a virgin—it’s not like I’ve never touched one—but I’ve never touched Bane’s .

I move my hand lower, waiting to see if I’ll be bold enough to do it, but I stop at his hip bone. He’s still watching me, his eyes half-closed.

“I kind of want to,” I admit.

“If you’re not ready, that’s okay.” He rubs my arm. “I got time.” He sits up and leans in to kiss my cheek. “Did you sleep well?”

I nod, removing my hand from his body. “Mostly. You?”

“I did.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“You already know the answer to that.”

I laugh softly. “Do you always have that when you wake up?”

He nods. “Yeah. It’s just a reaction. You never do?”

“I used to more often when I was younger, but not often nowadays. I wasn’t horny when it would happen though. It just did.”

“Yeah. Same.”

“So you weren’t horny just now?”

His brow creases for a second. “Not at first.”

I blink, searching for the meaning of his reply. “But then…?”

“But then you looked at me and touched me.”

“Oh.”

“Does that make you uncomfortable?”

I shake my head. “No. Confused, but not uncomfortable.”

“Confused about what?”

I shrug, avoiding his eyes.

“Come on, Jerr. I’ve told you a thousand times that you’re hot.

You know you are from how other guys react to you.

I might be your best friend, but I still have eyes.

Plus, I have the added bonus of knowing how amazing you are as a person in addition to your face.

Of course I’d be turned on with you touching me. ”

I nod, soaking his words in. I’ve never been insecure about my looks, just what I have to offer, but Bane telling me I turn him on, that that’s even possible, is new.

“You said something last night.”

“What did I say?” he asks, rubbing my arm.

“When I asked if you wanted to kiss me, you said?—”

“Always have.” His voice is strong and confident as he finishes my sentence. “I kissed you once before. We were still kids, but I wanted to then, and I still want to now.”

“How come you never have?”

“You know why, Jerr.”

I shake my head. “No, I don’t. Can you tell me?”

He scoots a little closer, until his knee is touching my thigh. “Because the last thing you needed was your best friend pressuring you or making you feel the way other guys do. I didn’t think you’d ever want that from me, so I buried it.”

His answer bounces around my head. I try to find a way that it makes sense, but it doesn’t. “That can’t be true.”

“Yeah, it can.” Bane takes my hand in his, pressing it to his chest. “I think you’re hot, Jerr. I find you attractive, and it goes far beyond your looks. I didn’t kiss you last night for any reason other than because I wanted to. I don’t lie to you, and I won’t start now.”

“But…” I stop talking, reeling from his admission. “You never…” I look up at him. “Is that true?”

He nods. “I wanted to tell you, but it never seemed like the right time. Eventually, I tucked it away and focused on being the best friend I could be to you, but every time you came home disappointed by some douche who didn’t understand you, I wanted to pull you into my arms and kiss it away.”

It takes me a second to process that as another question bubbles up. “Did you want more than kissing?”

Bane frowns, shrugging.

“Tell me the truth.”

He bites his bottom lip for a second before nodding. “Yeah. I used to when we were younger and I was a horndog all the time.”

“And now?”

He searches my eyes for so long I wonder if he’s about to tell me he doesn’t see me that way. Or he doesn’t want to go there, knowing my limitations. I get it.

“It’s okay if you don’t. I totally understand.”

“Don’t put words in my mouth, Jerr.” He tickles my palm with his index finger. “I hesitated because I don’t want you to feel weird around me. I’d hate it if you felt pressured.”

“What are you saying, Bane?”

“I’m still attracted to you.”

His voice is soft when he says it, like he’s worried I’ll freak out.

“Even knowing how I am?”

He nods. “There’s nothing about you that isn’t good.”

My eyes sting a little. “But what if I can’t…” I can’t bring myself to finish the sentence.

“You have a lot to offer. More than you give yourself credit for.” He scoots even closer. “Jerr, I know you can’t see it, because so many people have said shitty things, but I’m not them. I’ve known you your whole adult life, and I think you’re amazing.”

He squeezes my hand, and I can tell from the tension in his expression that he’s about to say something big.

“I stopped dating because I didn’t need to anymore. You’re the only person I want to spend my free time with.”

“Bane…”

“And honestly, what we have is better than anything I’ve had with anyone I’ve dated before. Jerr…” He exhales slowly. “I want to date you.”

“What?”

“I can be the guy, Jerr. I know I can. If you gave me a chance, you’d see that what we have is incredible.

You could stop looking for a guy who understands you, because you already have him.

If you don’t feel that way about me, it’s okay.

I can handle it, but after last night, I figured I’d better get around to telling you. ”

His words don’t make any damn sense to me. Am I dreaming? Or is this some kind of pity move on his part? Has he got so desperate that I seem like a good idea? There’s just no way a guy as incredible as Bane would want me. Not really.

“Jerr?”

“I don’t know what to say.”

Bane nods, his brow creased. “Because you don’t see me that way?”

I choke out a laugh. “Are you serious right now?” I get to my feet, pacing a circle in front of the bed. “Bane… My head is swimming.”

“Come here.”

I shake my head, crossing my arms over my chest. “I’m confused.”

“Jerr, come here.” He extends his arm. “Let’s talk it out.”

Nodding, I take his hand and let him pull me back onto his bed.

“Which part is messing with you?”

“All of it. You’re telling me, with a straight face, that you’re attracted to me and romantically interested? Is this real life?”

Bane smiles. “I should have said something sooner, but I was afraid.”

“Afraid of me?”

“No. Afraid of ruining what we have. I know dating has been hard for you, and I never wanted you to feel weird around me.” He brushes his fingers over my cheek. “But a couple of weeks ago, I had a wake-up call.”

“Huh?”

“When Alec called you, I got scared. What if he wanted a second chance and you gave him one? Ridley had a Come to Jesus talk with me, and I realized he was right. If I wanted a shot with you, I had to take it.”

“When were you going to?”

He chuckles. “I did. The museum and dinner. Dinner after you got back from your seminar. I have more plans too. Farmer’s market on Sunday before it closes for the season so we can get those oatmeal cookies you love.

Driving up the coast in a few weeks to see the leaves changing colors.

I thought we’d try that pottery painting place you always talk about. ”

I don’t say anything, I just listen to his words.

“But you didn’t see it as a date because we always do stuff like that, don’t we? I hold the doors open for you. I pay attention to the things you like because it matters to me, and it always has. I’ve been trying to figure out how to romance you, Jerr, and make you see me in a different light.”

I scoff, almost in disbelief.

“I’ll still be your best friend, but I want to be so much more.”

“You… you really want to date me?”

“I do, yeah.”

“But you know about me.”

He nods. “Sure do. Still want to date you.”

“What if I can’t make you happy?”

“You already make me happy, Jerr.” He squeezes my hand. “My favorite thing is you in my arms, in my bed. Kissing you last night was incredible. I’m good with whatever you can offer. I’m good if things stay like they are. Though kissing would be a bonus. That was really nice.”

This is impossible. Bane is a dream come true, and he wants me? Even knowing my limitations?

“If you need time to think, we’ve got plenty of that.”

I’m stunned to the point of speechlessness. Never in a million years could I have seen this coming. Bane wants me?

“Hey,” he says softly. “You’re freaking out.”

I nod, swallowing hard.

“Because?”

I just stare at him, wide-eyed.

Bane exhales slowly. “Because you don’t feel that way or because you’re surprised?”

Okay, that helps. Give me options. “Surprised.”

“I knew you would be. I guess that means I’ve done a good job of not being a creep.”

I nod.

“I should’ve told you sooner. I should’ve been brave enough, but I hope the saying is true: Better late than never.”

A question finally forms. “Are you sure? Have you really thought this through? I’m not like other guys you’ve dated.”

He laughs softly. “I haven’t thought about anything else in years. Are you ready for some more truth?”

I shrug, but say, “Let’s try.”

“I’ve been attracted to you since day one. In that English Lit class sitting three seats away from you, I was so excited when we got put in that working group together. I wanted to get to know you, and I definitely wanted to date you.”

“Bane…”

“But it was clear early on that you didn’t respond the same way.

I learned why eventually, and I was happy enough to be friends with you.

As our relationship grew, I knew I wasn’t worthy of you.

I was such an ass when I was younger. I knew you couldn’t see me as an option the way I was, but I’ve grown up, Jerr.

I know what’s important now and what isn’t. ”

“Sex is important.”

“ Intimacy is important, and we have that. Do you know how many times the guys have asked why we’re not dating? They can see what we have.”

I remember the recent questioning I got too.

“I wasn’t going to say anything,” Bane continues. “I made myself happy with the way things are, because I get to spend all my time with you. I get to hold you sometimes, and I never wanted you to feel uncomfortable around me if you didn’t feel the same way.”

“Alec calling changed your mind?”

“Yep. I was so damn jealous I didn’t know what to do with myself. The night you met with him, I was fucking wreck. I thought I might’ve lost my chance, and I knew if he hurt you again…” Bane shakes his head. “Wouldn’t be good.”

“I had no idea.”

“I know, and that pisses me off too. You couldn’t see how I felt about you because of all the bullshit other people have planted in your head.

Then you came in here last night and you kissed me, and I’ve never been happier, even though I didn’t know what caused it or if you’d ever want to again.

If it was the only kiss we ever shared, it would’ve been enough. ”

His words still don’t make any sense, but maybe they don’t have to. I can choose to believe him. He’s never lied to me, so why would he start with something as major as this?

I’m torn between wanting to climb into his arms and kiss him and wanting to run away to process all this alone.

Bane smiles, tilting my head back with a finger under my chin. “Take your time, Jerr. I’ve waited twenty years. I can wait longer.”

I nod because it’s all I can manage.

“I’m gonna take a shower, and then if you still want to, we can grab breakfast before we go to Moby’s.”

I nod, mumbling, “Okay.”

“You’re welcome to stay here if you want.”

Any other day, I’d lie back in his bed and play games or scroll on my phone, waiting for him to shower and change. I wouldn’t be thinking about what he looks like naked or what it would feel like to join him in the shower. I would wait for him.

“I’ll wait. I’ll change clothes and then I’ll wait.”

“Or you can wait and then I’ll go back to your room with you while you change.”

“That works too.”

Bane leans in, and my breath hitches as his lips brush my cheek. I thought he might kiss me on the lips again, but he doesn’t. As he moves back, I realize I wish he had.

“The ball is still in your court, Jerr.”

He slides out of bed, and I allow myself to look at his body as he walks to the bathroom.

His body is so nice. His ass is full and toned, as are his thighs.

He has a tattoo of a phoenix on his shoulder that I’ve seen a thousand times, but right now everything about him feels familiar, but new at the same time.

He disappears into the bathroom, leaving me drowning in my thoughts. Bane wants to date me. A giddy feeling rises in my chest, but I’m terrified at the same time. He’s my best friend, and a dream come true, but what if I’m not enough? What if he needs more? Then what happens?

I flop back in his bed and stare at the ceiling, completely lost in thought. I never thought this would be an option. Now that it is, I have no idea what to do, and the person I would talk it out with is a pivotal part of it.

Can I trust him to really know what he wants? Or will we ruin the best thing that’s ever happened to me? Is there a safer way to find out than just jumping in the deep end?