Page 19

SIXTEEN

BANE

Walking down the sidewalk to the coffee shop with Jerryn feels the same as it does most days.

Almost. There’s a new current between us, an intriguing tension waiting to burst open.

I know him well enough to know exactly what he’s thinking.

He’s playing out every possible way his mind can come up with that this could go between us, but he doesn’t know I’ve already done that.

Years ago. I have to remember there’s nothing that can go wrong because me and Jerr will always work through any challenge.

A jogger moves past us, slightly bumping into Jerr and apologizing with a friendly wave as they continue on, but the interaction pushed my best friend right into my arms. He laughs, balancing himself with his hands on my shoulders, then his smile fades as he searches my eyes.

I wish he knew how gorgeous he is. If he could see himself through my eyes, he’d know the morning light catches the light brown flecks in his hazel-green eyes, and that his smile is my favorite thing in the world.

He’d know the cuddle sessions we have are just as much for me as they are for him.

He’d know no one else has ever stood a chance of winning my heart since the day I met him.

He runs his tongue across his bottom lip as he presses forward just a bit until my back is against the building behind me. Neither of us speak, we almost don’t need to anymore, but I am curious about where he’s landing with all this. Since he hasn’t moved away from me yet, I’m pretty damn hopeful.

I want to kiss him. More than I want my next breath.

Jerryn’s eyes move from mine down to my mouth and back up again, then he reaches up and plays with a tendril of my hair, something he often does when we’re lounging on my couch.

“I’m scared,” he whispers.

“Jerr—”

He puts a finger over my lips to quiet me. “I’m scared, but I’m also really excited. I didn’t think there was any way you’d ever…” His words trail off as he shakes his head.

I move his finger off my mouth. “Because of sex or something else?”

“Sex. I know we’re compatible otherwise, but this feels like a mountain I don’t know how to climb.”

“You’re not climbing alone.” I slide my hands around his waist. “So you’ve thought about us together?”

He nods, smiling softly. “How could I not? You’re my best friend and such an incredible person. I just figured it was a silly thought. Or that you’d be settling.”

“Hey.” I shake my head. “You’re not a last resort. You’ve been my first choice for a long-ass time, but I wasn’t good enough for you before.”

Jerryn scoffs. “That doesn’t even make sense.”

“It does. I didn’t have my priorities right. Or maybe I fucked around so much to distract myself from wanting you.”

His brow creases. “Hearing you say stuff like that doesn’t seem real. It feels like a dream where I’m a normal person who gets to have a guy like you.”

“First of all, you are a normal person, and second, you have to get me off that pedestal. You know me better than anyone, including my flaws. As far as I’m concerned, I’m still gonna be busting my ass to deserve you if you give me a shot.”

His eyes turn glassy. “That’s not the problem, Bane. I’m trying to figure out how I deserve you. I don’t know how to keep you happy.”

I cup his face. “You have to see that you already do. I have the life I want with you, Jerr. I just want to stop pretending my feelings are only platonic. We can figure out the rest.”

He nods, blinking away the unshed tears. “I’m still scared, but I want to try.”

Hearing the words feels like taking a gulp of air after almost drowning. “You do?”

“I do. I wouldn’t let myself hope for anything between us. It just seemed useless, so I’m still surprised, but happily surprised.”

“Nothing has to change, and if you want it to, we can go slow.”

His cheeks pinken slightly. “Can I kiss you?”

I blow out a breath. “Absolutely.”

Jerryn steps a little closer, pressing his chest to mine, and closes his eyes as he leans in to kiss me. I feel like a teenager again, giddy with excitement that my crush likes me back. But this isn’t just a passing crush. This is Jerryn.

His kiss is tentative and chaste, but he lingers, reaching up to touch my neck. I’m expecting him to back away quickly, so it catches me by surprise when his lips part and his tongue dances along the seam of my lips.

I open up to him, and my whole body reacts to the deepening kiss.

He has no idea that he turns me on as much as he does, or how many times I’ve stopped myself from fantasizing about him.

It took all of my twenties to quit thinking of him while I jerked off, then part of my thirties to stop thinking about him that way.

The past ten years have been me pushing away thoughts like that, but now here he is, pressed against me and kissing me like we’re alone.

I hear a wolf whistle that makes Jerryn giggle and break the kiss. I look up to see a guy who just walked past us and I laugh too.

“If Ridley were here, he’d tell us to get a room,” Jerryn says.

“He would.”

He takes a small step back, chewing on his bottom lip. “I’m a little less scared now.”

“Good.”

“We should get going.”

“Yeah.” As we walk on, I offer my hand. Jerryn looks at it, then up at my face, then, smiling, he takes my hand.

This works for me. I’m so done chasing after people and experiences that inevitably fall flat.

I’m focusing on the one person I’ve always wanted, and whatever our relationship looks like is good enough for me.

After grabbing our coffee and pastries, we walk across the street to the park and sit on a bench to eat. It’s a cool morning, as fall is quickly approaching, but it’s my favorite season. Winter is coming, and that means lots of cuddles.

Jerryn’s talking about his favorite tree in the park, and how he can’t wait to see the leaves change, and I’m eating up every word, his soft smile, the joyful lilt in his voice. He’s right—getting the chance to love him, openly love him, feels like a dream. If it is, I hope I never wake up.

After a while he looks at his watch. “We should go.”

I nod, taking his empty cup and napkins from him. “We should.”

I take our trash to the bin and toss it in, while Jerryn hovers behind me. When I turn to face him, he has his thinking face on.

“What’s going on, Jerr?”

“Uh, just wondering if we should tell the guys.”

I nod, grabbing his hand. “Did you decide?”

He shakes his head. “What do you think?”

“I’d love to. They’re our closest friends and they’d be really happy for us. Plus, I just want to brag on you.”

He chuckles, dragging a hand through his hair. “Maybe I want to brag on you too.”

“I’m good with that.” I step closer, brushing my nose against his cheek. “Whatever makes you feel comfortable.”

“What you want matters too.”

“I know.”

Jerryn blows out a breath and straightens his shoulders. “I think we can tell them, but maybe not, like, a big announcement. Just as it comes up.”

“That works.”

“Okay.”

He takes my hand again and we finish our walk to Moby’s.

When we enter, the bar is quiet, the chairs still stacked on tables, but there’s a light on and low voices coming from the hallway.

I’m sure it’s Lowen and Oakley. Lowen is usually the first one here to make sure all the schedules and behind-the-scenes stuff is set up.

Before we get too far, the front door opens and Indy walks in, his arm draped around Salem. Right behind them are Ridley and Wren. The chef kisses his man’s cheek before waving and heading to the kitchen. Kit will be in shortly, after he finishes walking Stewart to the university.

Lowen and Oakley join us. Oakley greets us and tells Lowen he loves him before he heads out to go cover his projects.

“I’m glad you’re all here.” Lowen frowns. “Oh. Kit’s not.”

“He’ll be here in a few,” Indy says. “Is something up?”

“Nothing major,” Lowen says. “But we got an email that the university is hosting a job fair for students looking for part-time hours while they work towards their degree. We were specifically invited to attend.”

“Which means we should revisit our scheduling,” Ridley says.

“Exactly.” Lowen nods. “We all know how crazy it’s about to get. If last year is any indication, we’ll be run into the ground by summer break. We should really consider hiring some additional servers.”

“And an extra bartender,” Salem says. “Florian and Jax could use some relief too. At least an additional barback.”

Lowen nods again, spreading papers over the bar top. “I worked on our budget this morning. Our profits are much higher than we expected when we first did our projections, so we can afford it without affecting our operating budget.”

“How many people and what positions?” Indy asks.

“I was thinking one dishwasher and three servers,” Lowen says. “But if we need a barback we can work that in.”

“I agree with Salem,” Jerryn says. “I think we need an additional bartender during the week to give Florian and Jax time off, plus a barback.”

Lowen nods, scrawling notes on his papers.

“So for the university job fair, I think we post the barback and server positions. Those have the most flexible hours for students. For the bartender, we can post on the industry job boards, and for the dishwasher position, we’ve had good luck posting locally in town. ”

“Works for me,” Indy says.

“I think Florian might know some people interested in the bartender position,” I say. “He mentioned it a couple of weeks ago.”

“Even better.” Lowen writes that down too. “Salem, are you up for being the face of Moby’s again?”

“Sure thing.”

“I’ll go too,” Indy says, gazing at his man. “When is it?”

“Two weeks from tomorrow. I’ll reply to the school and let them know to count us in and then I’ll forward any new details to you both.”

“Perfect,” Indy says, wrapping his arm around Salem as they walk off.

Ridley heads to the bar to pour himself a glass of ice water, and as Jerryn goes to the patio to unstack chairs, I pause to chat with Ridley.

“Hey, man.” Ridley bites down on a piece of ice. “What’s good?”

“Everything.” I glance at the patio.

“Yeah?” He leans against the counter. “Did you finally decide to shit or get off the pot?”

I laugh. “Kind of. I’m not really sure how it went down, to be honest, but we finally talked.”

His eyes go wide. “And? Don’t leave me hanging, man.”

“I think we’re gonna date.” Just saying the words makes my stomach flutter. “But don’t make a big deal. We said we’d let everyone know as it comes up, but I felt like I needed to tell you since it was your advice that kickstarted me.”

He mimes zipping his lips. “Won’t say a word, but I sure am happy for you.”

“Thanks. We’re taking it slow, but it’s progress.”

“So if the room is rocking, I won’t bother knocking.”

His comment makes me glad Jerryn isn’t close by.

It’s not Ridley’s fault. We joke about sex all the time, and fuck knows there’s plenty of it happening in the house at all times.

I can’t help but wonder if it makes Jerryn uncomfortable sometimes, but if it does, he never says anything about it.

Maybe he’s used to it in a sex-obsessed society, but the last thing I want is our friends thinking of Jerr in a sexual way.

Call me protective, but it is what it is.

“It’s not like that, Rid.”

Ridley frowns slightly, but he nods. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to be crude.”

“It’s okay, but…” I shrug. It’s hard to talk about it without telling things that aren’t mine to tell.

“It’s cool.” He pats my shoulder. “You don’t want me talking about your man like that. I get it.” He smiles. “No disrespect.”

“Thanks,” I mumble. “He’s private about certain things.”

“You don’t say? I may have picked up on that in the last twenty years.”

“Right.”

“No worries, Bane. My lips are sealed. I hope you two feel comfortable and safe being yourselves with us though. All we’d be is happy for you.”

“I know that. We both know that. He’s just…” I glance over my shoulder. “Let’s just say he was surprised to know I have romantic intentions towards him.”

Ridley chuckles. “Dude is oblivious, but I’m sure you’ll get him there. You going all in now?”

I nod. “And then some.”

“I’m so here for that.” He lifts his hand for a high five, so I slap it.

Jerryn comes in seconds later, walking over to both of us, and from behind, he leans his chin on my shoulder. It’s not something he’s really done before; at least, not in front of other people.

Ridley smiles. “Hey, Jerr. How’s it going?”

“Good.” He steps around to my side and glances at me. “Really good.”

“Glad to hear it. I’m gonna go flirt with my man before he gets too busy. See you, guys.”

“Bye,” Jerryn says while I up-nod.

I turn to face Jerryn. “Full disclosure, I told Ridley, but I asked him to keep it to himself.”

Jerryn nods. “Okay.”

“I hope that was okay. I felt I should because it was his talk with me that got me moving.”

“Of course. It’s your life too. I just meant I didn’t want to hold a family meeting about it.”

I laugh. “Fair.”

“Want to help me with the chairs?”

“Yeah. One sec though. Do you remember a long time ago, we were at happy hour and the guys were making sex jokes. Pretty vulgar ones.”

He nods. “I remember.”

“We talked about it that night. About how you feel when you hear things like that, but if I remember correctly, you sort of blew it off.”

“It doesn’t bother me. I’m used to hearing stuff like that. When I was younger, it made me wonder what it would be like to even think like that, much less to feel like fucking everything that moves.”

“And now? When the guys joke and tease?”

Jerryn shrugs. “I don’t think about it that much. I know it’s how most people experience sex and dating. I find it sort of interesting in a way. Why are you asking?”

“It was just on my mind.”

“Don’t worry about me so much. I’m a big boy. I can take care of myself.”

“I know.”

“But thank you.” He leans in and kisses my cheek. “For caring.”

“Always.”

A pretty smile lights up his face. “What should we do after work?”

“Hang out. Cuddle. Watch something.”

Jerryn nods, still smiling. “Maybe kiss?”

My stomach flutters. “If you want to, I’m all over that.”

“I want to.”

The door opens and Kit enters. “Hey, guys.”

“Hey,” we both answer.

“Anything new?”

“We’re hiring,” Jerryn says. “Lowen has more details.”

“Sweet.” He studies us for a second. “Is that all?”

“For now.” Jerryn winks at me.

Getting through our shift is going to be a test of my patience, but for now, I have to push back my excitement and focus on the job. Jerryn wants to kiss me again, and I can hardly wait.