Page 11

ELEVEN

JERRYN

Standing on the sidewalk in front of the community center where the seminar is being held fills me with nerves. I’m not the best at engaging with people I don’t know, especially if Bane isn’t with me, but this isn’t a happy hour, it’s a learning experience.

The other people I’ve seen go in are all men, which makes sense, but I didn’t notice that in the description. With a deep breath for courage, I walk through the door, following the signs down the tiled hallway to the room.

An instructor stands at the front, arranging different stacks of papers while others take seats around the room. I find a spot towards the middle of an unoccupied row and sit down, pulling my phone out to text Bane and let him know I’m here.

I knew he’d offer to come once I told him, but I feel like this is a thing I have to do on my own.

Especially after the evening out we had a few nights ago.

It felt weirdly like a date at times, but Bane was just being Bane.

Maybe I wanted it to be a date. All these years we’ve been best friends, and except for a brief talk when we were twenty, there’s never been a move on his part.

His affection towards me feels good though, it always has, and it’s been enough for me.

So much that it’s kept me out of the dating pool for the last however many years. Four? Has it been that long?

“Welcome, everyone. I’m Tom, your presenter for tonight.”

I tuck my phone away and direct my attention to Tom.

“Tonight we’re going to talk about the male sex drive, how it ebbs and flows, and some natural therapies that may help. My caveat is that this is not medical or psychological advice or any kind of diagnosis, so if you have concerns in those areas, I recommend seeking out a professional.”

I already know there’s nothing physically wrong with me, and as far as I can tell, I’m not dealing with any emotional issues getting in the way. My dick works when I want it to, I just don’t want it to very often.

Tom starts off a slide presentation about male hormones, then launches into all the advice I’ve read or heard a thousand times: diet, exercise, supplements. I find myself getting frustrated as the talk goes on. I’ve tried all those things.

A man two seats over huffs in what sounds like frustration, crossing his arms over his chest. He looks to be in his fifties, and in good shape with only a slight belly pooch. He glances at me, offers a half smile, then returns his attention to Tom.

Maybe he’s tried all those recommendations too. It is kind of nice to know I’m not alone. There must be twenty guys here, maybe more.

An hour passes, and as we reach the end, Tom points out all the flyers on the table with more information. Well, that’s time I’ll never get back. Oh well. At least I was brave enough to try. Maybe the talk on sexuality will be more enlightening.

The man who was sitting a few seats down stands and walks over to me, offering his hand. “Marcus.”

I stand and shake his offered hand. “Hi. Jerryn.”

“Cool name.”

“Thanks.”

“I couldn’t help but notice that you seemed like you weren’t getting much out of the presentation. Sorry if I’m assuming, but I felt the same way.”

“It’s okay. Yeah, it’s all stuff I’ve heard before.”

He nods as he strokes his beard. “If you don’t mind me asking, are you in a relationship?”

“No. Took a break for a while. You?”

“I am.” He chuckles. “Ended up in a triad. Got two younger boyfriends keeping me on my toes.”

“Two? Wow.”

“Just turned fifty-six a couple of weeks ago, and I’m noticing things, you know?”

Fifty-six? He’s got fourteen years on me. “Um, if it’s not personal, is this a new thing for you or did you notice it in your forties?”

“Oh, it’s new. Pretty sure it’s age related.”

“Oh.” I chew on my bottom lip. “I’m only forty-two.”

“It hits at different times, like Tom said.”

“Right.” Except it’s always been this way.

“Once I get going, I’m fine,” Marcus says. “Just takes a little while to get going.”

I nod, still considering his words. “I think I’m different.”

“Yeah?”

“It’s always been like this for me.”

“Oh.” His tone has more understanding than pity in it, which is nice. “Then it’s normal for you. Nothing wrong with that. The important thing is having a partner who understands.”

“Does that exist?”

He smiles. “Course it does. Maybe you have to look a little harder, but you should anyway. A good partner is worth the effort. I was single for years before Clark and Antonio walked into my life. They make me feel different than I have in the past.”

“It’s probably a little easier because they have each other too, right? I guess I shouldn’t assume.”

“No, you’re right, but they want me there too. The focus isn’t always on the intimate part. It’s about companionship. It’s about learning things and discovering new ways to be happy together.”

His explanation immediately makes me think of Bane. “I have an amazing best friend,” I blurt. “He’s exactly the kind of man I would want to date but…” I blow out a breath, unsure why I’m confessing all of this to a stranger.

“But?” Marcus prods.

Eh, why not? I’ll never see Marcus again, and maybe he has some insight. “But he’s always had a very active sex life, and I just think it wouldn’t work if we tried something romantic.”

“He’s your best friend?”

“Yeah, for twenty years.”

“And you don’t think that’s something you can talk to him about?”

“We have in the past. I mean, it’s been a while, but we decided it was better to stay friends.”

“Been a while. How long?”

“Uh, well, almost twenty years.”

Marcus raises an eyebrow. “I don’t think I need to point out the obvious here.”

I laugh softly. “Fair enough. I’m afraid of ruining everything because of this, you know? What if he needs more than I can give him?”

“What if he doesn’t? Or what if you both find different ways to deal with it? What if you’re missing out on something great because of fear? If he’s been your friend for twenty years, that has to mean something. You should talk.”

“Good advice.” I’m not gonna take it though. He doesn’t know me or Bane, and there’s way too much at stake. What if we decided to try and it didn’t work? My heart would be broken. It could make things super awkward. It could ruin everything.

Marcus pats my arm. “I hope it works out for you.”

“Thanks. You too.”

Marcus says goodbye, goes to the table and picks up a few flyers, then turns to leave.

He’s greeted at the door by two absolutely gorgeous younger men.

I think I expected a big age gap, but they look close to my age as they hug and kiss Marcus like he’s been gone for years. A smile tugs at my lips. That’s sweet.

As I walk out the door, I pull my phone out of my pocket to order a ride, then I open my text thread to Bane.

Me: Apparently I need more magnesium.

Three dots appear quickly.

Bane: Is that all you got from it?

Me: Yep. Same shit.

Bane: Sorry. At least you tried. You coming to Moby’s now?

Me: Sure. See you in a bit.

My mood perks up. At least I have Bane in some capacity. That’s good enough for now.

Forty minutes later, I walk into Moby’s. It’s decently busy, and as I look around, I spot most of the guys but not Bane. I head to the bar and tap Salem on the shoulder.

“Hey, Jerr.” He looks up from the stack of t-shirts he’s digging through.

“Hey. Do you know where Bane is?”

“Saw him on the patio a few minutes ago.”

“Thanks.”

I head in that direction, but before I get there, I feel his arms around my waist from behind, lifting me briefly off my feet as I laugh in surprise. Turning around, I put my hand on his chest to catch my balance.

“What are you doing?”

“Greeting my bestie. What are you doing?”

“Just getting here.”

“Got you something. Follow me.”

Bane takes my hand, leading me through the bar to the patio. In the corner of the space there’s a table with a cloche sitting on it.

“What’s this?”

“Dinner. I know you didn’t eat before you went.”

I smile as I sit down, and Bane sits across from me, lifting the cloche lid to reveal a delicious looking bowl of pasta.

“It’s tonight’s special and Wren killed it,” Bane says. “It’s so good.”

“Yum.”

I unwrap my utensils as my stomach growls. Bane does the same, scooting closer so we can share.

“I hope you’re not too disappointed about tonight,” he says, rubbing his pinky against my hand.

“Not really. There was a guy there who talked to me afterward. He was fifty-six.”

Bane’s face tenses. “Did he hit on you?”

“Oh, no, nothing like that. He was just being friendly.”

“Ah.”

“But he was telling me his libido changed with age.”

Bane nods.

“Mine isn’t age related.”

“No.” He twirls pasta around his fork, offering the bite to me. I take it, chewing slowly as the flavor of tomatoes and something herby explodes on my tongue. “You’re just you, Jerr. Nothing’s wrong. You don’t need magnesium. It’s just the way you’re built.”

After I swallow my bite, I sit back in my chair. “But that sucks.”

“Maybe not. You just haven’t found the right person yet. A person who truly understands and can work with it.”

“And how am I supposed to do that? Do I put it in my dating profile?”

Bane smiles, brushing his fingers under my chin. “Be patient. It’ll happen.”

“How are you so sure? I’m in my forties, Bane. If it hasn’t happened by now?—”

“That’s exactly my point. We’re not kids anymore. We’re not dating men who make decisions with their dicks and nothing else. You have a lot to offer.”

I want to believe him, but it’s hard. “I think you’re biased.”

He laughs softly, offering me another bite. “I am biased, but I’m also not lying.”

I take the bite, gazing into sweet brown eyes the color of milk chocolate, and I’m reminded of what Marcus said. Could Bane be the patient man who understands and can work with me the way I am? I wish I could ask, but the idea scares the hell out of me.

“Here you go, guys.” Florian startles me from my thoughts as he appears next to our table. “It’s called Love Potion and it’s the newest signature drink, inspired by you guys.”

My jaw drops as he sets the pretty pink drinks down in front of us. “Inspired by us?”

Florian nods. “Yeah. You both said you like fruity, sweet drinks, and I needed a new special to kick off the school year. I hope you like it.”

He walks off, but I’m still working it out in my head. “Why do you think he made a drink based on both of us?”

Bane shrugs, lifting his glass. “We gave him similar answers for what we like.”

“I guess so.”

Bane takes a sip and his face lights up. “Oh, it’s so good. Try yours.”

I lift my glass and take a tentative sip, but the flavor makes me smile too. “It’s good. Really good.”

“Love Potion.” Bane looks at his glass. “Cute name.”

“It is.”

He sets his glass down, smiling at me. “Eat up before it gets cold.”

“Help me?”

“Of course.”

We eat together like we have a million times before, and the comfort I feel with him is exactly what makes dating so unappealing.

A cute guy with blond hair, big blue eyes lined with eyeliner, and a glossy smile appears at our table. His eyes are firmly set on Bane, not even glancing in my direction. He doesn’t say a word, just slides a napkin in front of Bane before giving him one hell of a smoldering look and darting off.

I watch him disappear inside the bar again, giggling with friends as they exit.

“What was that about?”

Bane chuckles, pushing the napkin in my direction. “He was flirting up a storm with me earlier.”

The napkin has his name, Erich, with a heart over the I and a phone number along with the very salacious sentence, Anything you want, I can be .

“Well, he certainly goes after what he wants.”

Bane chuckles again, ignoring the napkin and taking another bite of pasta.

“Are you interested?”

“In what?” Bane’s voice is muffled through the food in his mouth.

“Erich with a heart.”

Bane scoffs. “My days of hooking up with the college crowd are far behind me.”

“He’s cute though. You used to be really into guys who looked like him.”

“I’ve matured. Nothing about him appeals to me.”

The knot in my stomach loosens. I want Bane to be happy, but watching him pick someone up doesn’t sound fun at all.

“Can I ask you something, Bane?”

“You know you can.” He sets the fork down and leans back in his chair, lifting his glass to take a sip of the cocktail.

“What are you doing to take care of, you know, your needs?”

“My needs? Do you mean sex?”

I nod, even as I feel my cheeks burning with heat.

“You really want to know?”

I swallow hard. “Yes.”

“I have a very active fantasy life,” he says, his voice dropping low. “I have lube and a hand and plenty of time in the shower. Sometimes in bed if you’re not with me.”

Visions of Bane naked and stroking himself pop into my mind, making me choke on my own spit as a flutter of heat washes over me. Am I turned on? Or just startled? I clear my throat, laughing it off. “Oh.”

He smiles, searching my face. “It’s enough for me.”

“Is it?”

Bane nods, leaning across the table closer to me. “I like my life. I have everything I need.”

My stomach flutters, and for a second I think I feel a twinge of interest in my dick. That’s… interesting. “Good.”

The expression on Bane’s face is new to me. It’s intense and sexy. Why is he looking at me like that?

“Are you still gonna go to the other workshop?” he asks.

I nod, blinking slowly. “I think so. Couldn’t hurt.”

“No, not at all.” He reaches across the table and takes my hand in his. “Just remember, there’s nothing wrong with you.”

“I remember.”

“Good.” He sits back, releasing my hand. “We should finish up and help the guys out.”

“Yeah.” I nod, happy for the distraction of eating.

Bane might be the perfect guy, but I’m not the perfect guy for him, and I have to remember that before I do something stupid and mess everything up.

When I glance up, Bane is watching me. He smiles, his eyes filled with things he doesn’t say.

“Thanks for taking care of me,” I say softly.

“Always, Jerr. Always.”