Page 65 of Delayed Intention

Rehearsal

The last three days have been a blur. The wedding is tomorrow night, and the rehearsal is this afternoon before Shabbat.

The entire week has gone by so fast. The weather’s been perfect, and we filled the days with family hikes, horseback riding, and tons of meals.

It honestly has felt like we’re either eating, cleaning up, finding another place to eat, or snacking.

I pull into the driveway of the home Tamar and Arjun are renting, which is a large cottage on a hill overlooking the town.

As I drive around the bend, I see the entire side facing the valley below is all windows, and the views must be incredible.

They’ve more room than they need, even with the local college students they had hired to help watch everyone’s kids.

They offered to let me move over here from the hotel, and I’m more than happy to join them.

After the hike with Josh on Tuesday—and that kiss— my God that kiss— we decided to keep our situationship low key for now.

That the focus should be on the wedding the rest of the week.

For now, that means we’ll try to keep quiet about what’s happening between us and discuss everything again after everyone goes home.

Making this week about family meant spending more time with my siblings, which has been more healing than I’d expected.

I even had a surprising encounter with Daniella.

While the extended family was horseback riding, she and I ended up in a separate group with the younger children and had a blast. There was no deep talk or open acknowledgment of past issues between us.

It was that we were able to make a new memory together.

Last night, I went on a pub crawl with Joseph and his husband Eli.

We kept bumping into cousins and other wedding guests, including Felicia’s hometown and residency friends—everywhere we went.

Eventually, we all merged into one large group.

I paced myself a bit better with the alcohol, swapping in mocktails for two out of every three drinks.

Eli is an incredible dancer, which is apparently wasted on my brother, so we danced while Joe chatted with everyone at the bar.

All these new memories, I know, don’t erase the past, but they feel important—like treasures I get to carry back home with me, in my daily life.

I pull my luggage out of my SUV and head into the chaos of my sister’s rental home.

Her three children are running around playing some kind of indoor tag game with Emunah and two of Michelle’s daughters.

After I make it past the foyer, I spy Michelle’s toddler seated in Georgette’s lap on a sofa.

I haven’t seen Georgette since our talk at the spa.

Her generation has been gathering for coffee, meals and walks at the condo that Nona rented, away from the general chaos and noise.

I drop my things—except my garment bag—in the foyer when Arjun comes around the corner with a roll of paper towels in one hand and cleaning spray in the other, looking disheveled.

“Ah Lily, you’ve made it. Welcome to the jungle. Your room is just over here,” he points with the nozzle of the spray bottle, “And don’t worry, all the kids’ bedrooms are in the basement, where they belong.”

I laugh, “Thanks, lead the way and I’ll just put all this down so I can make myself useful.”

Arjun shows me to my room before we hear the unmistakable sound of children arguing—his cue to leave. I hang up my dresses for tonight and Saturday. Emunah finds me and tentatively knocks on my door.

“Hi Emunah, how are you doing?”

“I’m okay. I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too.”

“Can I stay in here with you for a minute?” I recognize the signs of being overwhelmed by all the togetherness.

“I was going to go help and find your Aunt Tamar, so she knows I’m here, but I’ll tell you what. You can unpack my stuff for me, and then when I get back, you can show me where everything is, okay?”

Emunah lights up—she loves organizing. “Of course, I can do that.”

Walking into the kitchen, I find Roselyn talking to Tamar. I let her know that Emunah is unpacking for me.

“Thanks for doing that Lily,” Roselyn pours me a glass of wine after raising the bottle in my direction and seeing me nod. “That’s the perfect thing for her to do.

I smile, “My anxiety can read hers from a mile away. It’s no problem.”

Tamar finishes washing dishes and hands me a plate of cheese sambousek and mushroom kibbeh .

“What’s everyone wearing tonight?” I hum my appreciation with my first sip of this delicious wine before turning to Tamar who describes her outfit in detail.

My sister has a real appreciation for couture that is completely lost on me.

But, I smile and nod as if I have any idea what she’s talking about.

We then take turns describing our outfits while we sip the wine and nosh on the savory pastries.

When there’s just over an hour before I need to leave for the venue, I head back to my room to spend it with my niece.

I know from her parents that Emunah’s nervous about staying here with the other kids.

After a bit, Michelle comes by with her youngest, Etty, and asks Emunah if she’d like to oversee looking after Etty tonight.

She doesn’t have her own phone yet, so I gave her mine and showed her how Michelle’s number is programmed there.

“So, if she wakes up or is fussy, you can call me and keep me posted, okay? And after Shabbat I’ll pay you money for helping, okay?”

Emunah looks uncertain until we explain we already have her parents’ permission. She and the toddler play on the floor together while I get dressed, and then she follows Michelle to put Etty to bed.

Tonight, I’m wearing a square neck coral dress with a fitted bodice, three-quarter sleeves, and a mid-length flowing lighter coral skirt with gold strappy sandals.

When I finished getting ready, I found Emunah sitting, with my cell phone and the baby monitor, next to the two college-aged girls that were hired for tonight’s gig.

“Emmy, anything you need with babysitting tips, these two ladies are ready to back you up. Okay?”

She nods and looks so proud—it’s making my eyes tear.

“Let me unlock my phone for you.”

I unlocked the phone and changed the code to her birth year for tonight.

I texted Josh to let him know that Emunah has my phone and not to text anything that my niece shouldn’t see.

Then I blocked Ellen’s number because Em doesn’t need to see anything Ellen would send me.

As I hand the phone back to Emunah, I hear Georgette talking to Nona on the sofa behind the movie room we are in. I walk over and sit down.

Georgette and Nona both stop talking and just smile at me. While Josh and I decided we’d keep our redefined relationship quiet for now, we each had a few exceptions—people we just had to tell. Of course, Nona and Georgette know everything.

“You were right.” I say to Georgette. “Hello Nona.”

“How’s that?”

“About Josh.”

“You don’t say.” Then she actually winks at me.

“We’re kind of keeping it to ourselves right now, because the wedding is not about us.” I probably don’t need to remind them, but I feel protective of this wedding after all of our hard work.

“Well good luck with that dear,” Nona chimes in. “He is a very good-looking boy. My prediction—two drinks and you’ll lose your resolve. But good luck.”

“Nona!”

Just then, there’s a knock at the front door, followed by Josh’s voice. Merely the sound of his voice melts my heart like butter on pancakes.

“If you’ll excuse me, I hear my ride is here.”

Both ladies wink at me.

I walk over to the foyer as I hear Josh explaining to Arjun that he and I need to arrive early as the event coordinators. He is mid-sentence when he sees me and stops speaking, then breaks into a smile.

“You look so beautiful, Lily.”

Arjun looks between us, a look of inspection playing out on his face.

“Thank you.” I grab my shawl and my clutch. “We should go.”

Josh and I walk out to his truck. He’s walking ahead of me and then opens my door.

He looks stunning in a light grey suit and crisp white dress shirt.

His clothing is clearly tailored for his body, and he removes his suit jacket before he climbs in.

The climb into his truck is showing off perfectly toned arms and thighs. God help me.

He starts the drive and, the minute we are out of the driveway, I reach over and grab his hand. He threads his fingers between mine.

I’m so happy for a moment—and then it hits me.

This week is coming to an end. Sunday, I have to go back to Lincoln.

Roselyn had wanted to stay a few extra days, but at the time, I begged her not to.

So, I’m leaving and this proximity will be over.

My heart quickly goes from warmth to hollowed out.

I release my hand from his and move to touch my make-up in the mirror.

I feel him glance at me, but if he reads my mind or my mood, he doesn’t say a word.

We check with the venue coordinator when we arrive and then it seems like there are endless event related tasks ahead of us.

The photographer is late, scaring both of us into a nightmare scenario where we’re trying to capture the night with our smartphones.

I was so happy to see her. I didn’t care whether she was late or why.

Guests start to arrive, and true to form, my sisters arrive early, followed by Ellen and my father. He strides over to me to tell me how beautiful I look.

“Thanks Dad. I’m going to go touch up my makeup before we get started.”

I hurry off to the bathroom before the threatening tears start to come. Stuff it down.

Tonight isn’t about me; it’s about my brother and his fiancée.

I take slow breaths as I reapply my lipstick.

The thing is, I’ve felt moved by this reconnection with my father, but I’m also concerned about the cost to him.

Ellen can be so cruel. Until recently, I’d thought of him as impervious, but now I see him differently.

I have to remind myself it’s his choice if he wants to be there.

I square my shoulders and head back in.

The night goes off without a hitch.

The dinner is delicious, the shabby chic decor seems to put all her Georgian clan at ease, and the musicians were perfect. Everything runs on time, meaning that for those of us that observe Shabbat, there will be plenty of time to get back to attend minyan, light candles and observe the sabbath.

After dessert and innumerable speeches, I head outside for air. Josh and I had wrapped up everything with the vendors so we could leave with Roselyn and David.

As I head outside the tent, Ellen follows me, and I feel her presence behind me without even turning around. I turn to her before she can say whatever she wants to say.

“I think I’ve made myself very clear; I am not interested in speaking with you.”

Ellen smiles. She fucking smiles. “You did. You have turned out to be my most ungrateful—”

“Just stop!” I put my hands up. “You have been more interested in controlling me than supporting me, so let me spell this out for you. I am not a kid anymore. You tried to make me feel like a crazy person, gaslighting me into believing I wasn’t good enough for anyone to love.

According to you, there was no hope of any romance in my life.

Not to mention what happened with Dr. Kellerman and everything in between.

For the record, not only am I in love with Josh, but he is in love with me. ”

For some reason, she looks self-satisfied, not cowed. It makes the next thing I have to say that much easier.

“I want to go back to taking a break from you, from this… toxic relationship. You have hurt me, and for now, I have nothing more to say to you.”

I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever invite her back into my life, but that’s too final to decide right now. I need to really think about it.

“You want to put this—” she points at me, gesturing up and down with her hand “—off on me, go right ahead.” She sneers at me, “You are in your thirties and your failures are your own. Maybe if you would stop living in the past, you would see that.”

“Ellen!” A voice from the shadows. Dad . “Leave her alone. You’ve done enough.”

I squeeze his arm as I walk past. I respect my father, but I’m going to leave him to her and walk away. Because I’m done. He can choose to stay with her. I don’t have to.

I come around the corner and run straight into Josh. His jacket is gone, somewhere, his tie is loose. We are standing outside the refurbished barn where the party is still going inside.

“Hello there.” He grins, as if he’s the lucky one in this scenario. “I saw Ellen headed this way and I wanted to run interference.”

“You just missed her. And my father beat you to it. I told her about us—I wanted to wipe that smug look off her face—but she was just as pleased with herself as ever.”

“You know what I think?”

I pulled on his tie to bring his face closer to mine. “What do you think?”

“You’re incredible, and anyone that can’t see that about you doesn’t deserve your time.”

“I’m not perfect Josh.”

“Lily, I never said you’re perfect. I said you’re incredible because you are.”

With that, he turns me and leans me up against the barn, kissing me breathless, until I forget what we were talking about.