Page 61 of Delayed Intention

From the corner of my eye, Ellen rises with her eyes locked on her youngest daughter.

I’ve never noticed what a predatory expression Ellen can have before now.

She looks almost happy that her daughter is a mess.

This is bad. Abbie and I make eye contact, and she must register the alarmed look on my face because she follows my shifting gaze over to Ellen, who’s now quietly arguing with Tamar.

Abbie starts marching right to Ellen, pulling her date along and loudly introduces Dana to Ellen and everyone else at that table.

Starting to move toward Lily, I freeze when I take in the reaction she has when our eyes meet. She looks afraid.

Why would she be afraid of me? And why did she pregame so hard for this?

Maybe this is my fault.

I should have stepped away from all of this, once it was clear Lily didn’t want to try to work things out with me.

I’ve been so fucking selfish, wanting to pursue her, and follow my own desires, when she’d made her wishes perfectly clear.

Now, my presence here is causing her distress.

I don’t need to ask Reddit or anyone else to know I am the asshole.

Despite what all these realizations are doing to me personally, I have to rescue my friend. She’s about to make an entire scene, and the sober version of her will not feel good about that in the morning.

Resolved, I march up to her and take the bottle out of her hand, giving it to her Aunt Susan who’s standing nearby with her mouth slightly open. I take Lily by the elbow and march her right back out of the room and into the restaurant.

“Ouch. My elbow,” Lily starts to whine before erupting into a fit of giggles. I make a pleading look at my sister who spots the DJ and asks him to start some type of distraction. Whatever she chose, I missed it as I dragged Lily out of the main exit with me.

“You’re mad.” Lily makes an exaggerated pouty face that I find irritating while simultaneously wanting to kiss the pout right off her.

“Why would I be mad?”

“I didn’t meet you for coffee this morning.” She pokes me right in the center of my chest.

“That’s fine because we’re going to have coffee right now.”

Lily sighs and rolls her eyes.

“I don’t want to talk to you.”

My heart sinks. While I half expected this, it doesn’t make it easier to hear.

“Yeah, well that’s no reason to show up to your brother’s party lit up like a menorah.”

“I did that for you.” She jabs her pointer finger into my chest again. “For you Josh.”

“Look, we don’t have to talk. Let’s just try to get you more sober.” And then, because I can’t help myself, “Lily, you look really beautiful.”

She looks down at herself.

“Do I?”

I sigh. “Yes, you really do.” I pull her one wayward strap back up on her shoulder, fighting an urge to just leave my hand there, draw her into me, and replace my hand on her shoulder with my lips.

She glances at my hand, and I let it drop to my side. “Your girlfriend won’t like that.”

Looking over her shoulder, I realize the entire party can see us from the large windows facing the river. Most people inside have the class to at least pretend they aren’t watching our every move. I can see Abbie still has Lily’s parents trapped at their table.

I grab Lily by the hand and drag her away from our audience and toward The Inkwell and Brew. We walk in, and I put an arm around her waist as I feel her swaying. The barista looks at us both before eyeing me suspiciously.

“Black coffee please. Large.”

The barista apparently feels this request casts me in a better light and rings us up without further glares. I sit Lily at a table and add some cream and sweetener. I filled a glass with water and brought both items to the table where I had left her.

“Here drink this.” I hand her both drinks. “And what do you mean by ‘my girlfriend’?”

Lily rolls her eyes again and looks at me like I just asked her if we were in Colorado. “The one I set you up with? Jenny? Your girlfriend?”

It’s all coming together now, and I start to answer her when Lily interrupts.

“You two are perfect together. Tall and beautiful and professional and without all the baggage.”

She puts a hand on my forearm while she’s talking, letting it linger there as she leans in, her face sobering. “I mean it Josh, you two are perfect together. I’m happy for you.” She gives me a tentative smile as she sways in her seat.

“Lily.” I move her hand off my forearm. “I’m not with Jenny. That’s not what I was going to talk to you about.” She looks confused, and I try again. “Jenny and I are not together.”

She takes a gulp of coffee and makes a face.

“Fuck. I burned my tongue.”

“Lily…” I start, but then her skin breaks into a sweat; she runs out of the coffee shop and vomits into a trash can outside.

I leave a twenty-dollar bill for the barista and leave the coffee behind.

I bring the cup of water and a stack of napkins and follow her.

Families strolling down the riverwalk with their children and dogs give us a wide berth, with various looks ranging from judgmental to horrified being sent our way.

“You all, right?” I ask, careful not to touch her.

She’s still leaning over the trash can, and peers up at me.

A sheen of sweat has broken out on her forehead, and I hand her a dry napkin while I take another, dip it in the water, and place it under her mass of curls at the nape of her neck.

She uses the dry napkin to dab at her forehead and under her eyes.

She reaches for the water, rinses her mouth, and spits into the trash can.

An older couple walks by, hand in hand, and the man frowns at us while his wife winks at me.

Lily shudders. “I must look awful.”

“I wouldn’t say that.” Somehow, she still looks captivating, even with her eye makeup a bit blurred and the glow of sweat across her face.

She plops down on a bench by the river, and I sit beside her.

As usual, the water is roaring, which I use as an excuse to lean toward her when she starts to speak.

I hand her a stick of gum from my inside pocket.

She smiles gratefully, popping it in her mouth before she begins playing with the wrapper.

“I thought you wanted to talk to me to tell me that you and Jenny were coming to the wedding together.”

“No. That wasn’t it.”

“Oh. Well, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?” Anxiety and nausea are etched across her face.

“Maybe we will save that for when you aren’t so drunk. I don’t think now’s the time. It can keep.” I try to smile. “Are you okay Lily? I heard from Ros what happened at Passover.”

“I’m not okay.” She looks at me, her eyes searching mine. “But I’ve learned enough to know I will be.”

Before I can think better of it I blurt out, “I’ve missed talking to you.”

“I miss talking to you, too.”

She leans her head on my shoulder. It takes everything not to take the next logical step, in my mind, which is to pull her onto my lap.

I settle for resting my head on hers. We sit there for a few minutes, with everything I’d wanted to say left unsaid, but the last thing I want to do is pressure her or scare her off.

Once again, I remind myself this week is not about me.

Lily speaks first, sounding resigned, “We should go back to the party”

“Yeah. I’d told Michelle I’d help her with the girls. She’s out numbered.”

“Can I help too?”

“That would be awesome actually.” I clear my throat. “If you have a handbag or something you may want to um, touch up your make up a bit. It’s kind of smeared.”

“Ah, thanks for that. I have makeup in my pockets.” She gives me a half smile and pulls out a handful of products from her skirt pocket. She heads back into the coffee shop and uses their bathroom to touch up.

I want to talk to her, and tell her everything, but she seems so fragile, and I don’t want her to decide something that she won’t really mean, just because she’s feeling vulnerable.

I stand, looking at her, as she makes her way back to me. Not pulling her into my arms and kissing the hell out of her feels like it’s costing me everything. Instead, I reach out a friendly hand.

“Ready to go make an awkward entrance together?”

“Let’s do it.” She winks.