Page 59 of Delayed Intention

I look at my missed messages from today.

Tamar has sent me a text; so has Joseph.

Everyone has been more solicitous since Passover.

Tamar wants to confirm what dress I’m wearing to the rehearsal and the wedding.

I send her a picture of my dress. She wants to make sure the sisters are all in the same color scheme.

Thankfully, Felicia and Eddie are forgoing formal bridesmaids and groomsmen and are just being walked down the aisle by their parents.

They do have Tamar and Joseph signing their ketubah as witnesses.

Felicia doesn’t have a color scheme, which has made my control-challenged eldest sister feel unhinged—her word, not mine.

She decided we should all wear some version of navy blue or something that compliments navy blue since that is the color of Eddie’s suit, and it will “play well in the pictures.”

Joseph, on the other hand, just sent me a text, “just checking on my little sister!” I’m not sure I’m ever going to get used to these new versions of my siblings.

In speaking with Joe, he explained that he was worried he would hurt me by being his usual ‘emotionally clumsy’ self, so he kept his distance from me for a long time.

He could tell I was struggling, but never felt like we were the kind of family who could talk about real stuff before now.

Everything since Passover has been a revelation.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be as close to any of them as I am with Roselyn, but I’m having real conversations with most of them.

Well, Daniella and I are just kind of sending funny memes back and forth, but for us, that’s incredible growth.

I call Ros, and her phone answers on the first ring, but it’s not her.

“Yo.”

“David?”

“Hey Lily. Roselyn is washing her face, give her a minute. Or five. How are you?”

“Well, I’ve had worse days.” At least, that is true. But that bar is so low.

“Uh oh. Well, don’t forget a new day has just begun.”

I smile because he’s referencing that for observant Jews like him, the beginning of the day is when the sun goes down. “Meaning, I can start my day over right now, is what you’re saying?”

“Lily, you can start your day over anytime you want. Here’s your sister.” I hear him loudly whisper “ rough day ” to Roselyn.

“Hi Lily. You just caught us before we were going to upset ourselves by watching the news. Thank you for rescuing us.”

“No problem.”

“I’ll just get to it. I know it’s getting late by you…” I sigh, “so you know how I told Josh he couldn’t have another chance?”

“Yes, I know sweetie.”

“What I didn’t tell you is that right afterwards, I texted Jenny Park and told her she should take Josh out because I couldn’t be less interested in him.”

Roselyn sighs at me.

“I thought I wanted to never give him another chance and that the cleanest break was to tell him so. In that moment, I felt the urge to put a nail in the coffin and so I pushed Jenny to contact him about getting together as a plus one for the wedding. But now… I wish I hadn’t done that.

” I go on to tell her about the card Josh had sent and what I think it means.

“First of all, Lily, don’t assume that just because you suggested it to Jenny, that she was going to go for it, especially after what Mom did. Besides, you don’t know if Josh would go out with her either. I’m just saying, you are doing a fair amount of assuming.”

“I guess, but what else could he want to speak to me about?”

“Well, that’s the whole point isn’t it? He wants to speak to you, in person, and I guess you won’t know what it’s about until you meet with him.”

“I don’t feel like being this grown up.”

“Honey, no one does. We just do it.”

“I’ll think about it—and I’ll message an answer in the morning.”

“That’s a start.”

We talk about what we’re both wearing to the wedding and what Emunah will wear as well.

“I’m looking forward to you all coming out; you’ll stay the week after?”

“Emmy and I will but David has to get back to work. If you’re up for it, I was hoping for a few extra days in Estes and then head back up to Nona’s.

I have our hotel room, and you can stay with us—but if you want to leave for Nebraska sooner…

” As in, if I don’t want to hang around Estes where Josh is.

“No, it’s fine. It’ll be great to spend time together there. That’s a great plan.”

“Sweet. I’ll keep the room three extra days.”

“Okay. I can be an adult.”

She chuckles at me. “Good to know.”

“I’ll just text him—I’ll go out a day early and meet him for coffee. Then, I get to hear all about how great he and Jenny are together before I get to see it in person.”

“You don’t know that’s what he’s going to say.”

“Roselyn… Do think there is a match for me somewhere?”

She doesn’t even hesitate.

“I have no doubt.”

Of course, I know she’s saying this because she’s religious, and that is what they all believe.

“Well, that makes one of us.” I say, because I honestly don’t share Roselyn’s confidence. Or her faith.

We said our goodbyes and I put the card in a drawer next to the picture of Josh that I still have there.