Page 31 of Delayed Intention
Apologies
Dropping my duffle by the front door, I let Ginger out to do her business in the yard.
It’s time to head out to the Laramie clinic and get busy with work again.
I hope it takes my mind off how bad I fucked up with Lily.
My phone starts ringing, and I jump to grab it off the counter.
Maybe she has decided to answer one of my messages? Give me another chance?
I don’t recognize the number and answer it anyway.
“Hello?”
“Hi. Is this Joshua Cohen?”
“You’ve got him, how can I help?” Whoever it is, it's not Lily, and I work to keep the disappointment out of my voice.
“Hi. This is Stephanie from Oakley Lodge.”
“Oh, sure. How are you? Is everything okay?”
“Well, the thing is, I’m afraid I have some bad news.”
“Okay.” Now what?
“I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but we’ve had a fire here at the property and our social hall in particular has suffered significant damage between the sprinklers and the smoke.”
“I, uh, hadn’t heard. I hope everyone’s okay?” Shit.
“Yeah, we’re lucky that the fire was contained and did not affect most of the resort, but the social hall is going to be out of commission for some time. I’m sorry to inform you we will not have the capacity for a wedding on the scale of the Mendes event for the foreseeable future.” Double shit.
“I’m sorry to hear it.” While I do mean it, what I didn’t need, on top of everything else, was a wrinkle in the wedding prep right now.
We continue our pleasantries as I try to recall our alternate locations.
Once I’m off the phone, I text Eddie and Felicia to find out how they want to proceed.
Waiting to hear from them, I pulled up the list of facilities that Lily originally called—most are probably booked but hopefully someone will have a cancellation.
Ginger hops in the SUV while I set my phone to call the places on my way to Laramie, entering the numbers in numerical order on my speed dial.
After several calls, I get my first break.
The Grady has an open ballroom that weekend.
I’m not sure how Eddie or Felicia will feel about getting married at a location that is not only considered haunted but has inspired two best-selling horror books.
Finally, on my tenth call out, the John Muir Ranch has their barn available.
I put the required deposit down and waited to hear back from the bride and groom.
After all of this was done, I sent Lily a message to let her know what had happened.
I hope that, given the circumstances, she will message me back for a change.
About five minutes later, my ringtone sounds through my speakers, and my dashboard announces that Lily is calling me.
“Hello?”
“Hi. I received your message.” The ice in her voice is palpable over the phone.
A pause. Followed by a longer pause. Finally, she clears her throat.
“It sounds like you handled it. Thank you.” She sounds so clipped and formal.
I feel something uncomfortable in the center of my chest and rub the heel of my hand there, keeping my other hand on the wheel.
“Um yeah. I’m not sure I know either Eddie or Felicia well enough to know if they prefer a barn or a possible haunting?” I’m trying for a bit of humor, but it falls flat.
“That makes two of us. Let me know when you hear back from them and if there’s anything I need to do on my end.”
“I will. But don’t hang up yet, Lily.”
“Josh, I’ve got to run. My grandmother needs me. We’re just sitting down to lunch.” And with that, she hangs up.
I’d been hoping after a bit of cooling off that she would be more receptive to talking to me. But my hope is clearly in vain.
“I screwed this up, Ginger.”
Ginger glances at me with her usual unconditional grin in place before continuing to stare out of the passenger window.
I do what any self-respecting man does in this situation and call my mother.
She also has been cool with me since the third night of Hanukah, but of course, she picks up on the second ring, as she always does.
“Joshua, my wayward son.”
“Hello, Eema.”
“Eema, is it? You wouldn’t be trying to butter me up?”
“I screwed up Mom.”
“I gather you haven’t made up with Lily yet?”
“She won’t talk to me. I mean, I just talked to her briefly, but only because it was about the wedding, and she felt obligated. It was a very… professional interaction.”
“Well, what did you expect Josh? The entire night you acted like she wasn’t there. That was uncomfortable enough for all of us, and then, with everything that happened...”
“Yes, I know, I was there. How do I fix this? Do you think I can fix this?”
“Maybe. That poor girl has been through enough.”
“I feel like shit about it. I can see now that I wasn’t considering her feelings. I was thinking about me.”
That level of insight stuns my mother into silence, which hangs between us before she speaks again.
“Well, that’s more self-honesty than I usually expect from you. No offense,” she adds.
“The truth is,” I might as well be honest, “I don’t think I know how to be a good friend to a woman. I know how to be a colleague, and I think I am a decent son and brother. But a friend, to a woman? An attractive woman? I hope you’re not too disappointed in me.”
“Josh, my dear, I love you. Of course, you are a wonderful son. And you are an incredible uncle and brother. But you have a thing or two to learn about women. Do you know what you need to do now? Tell her the truth. Didn’t this all start with a letter?
Write to her. Be honest. Tell her what you’ve told me.
The alternative would be to let her go and leave her alone. ”
I already know I can’t let her go—I’ve not been able to do that since that night at Rose’s house.
I’ve thought about it, but instead, I keep sending pathetic texts that are read and not answered.
My mother and I talked some more, and she let me know how Rose has been progressing.
After catching up on all her news, we ended the call.
All of this started with a letter of apology. Either it will finish with one or continue with one but now I know what I must do to reopen the door of communication. The minute I arrive at the hotel in Laramie, I sit down to write Lily a letter.