Page 34 of All You Need is Alien Love (Tentacular Tales #4)

I inhale sharply and my heart races with fond childhood memories. “Oh my freaking gods. They’re just like Doc Ock’s mechanical tentacle arms!”

I manage to hold back my squee of delight, but it’s close. Another geeky fantasy I can now officially cross off my enormous bucket list.

Nirblob chortles. “Indeed. I took a great deal of inspiration from that film after we watched it together.” He shakes his head sadly. “Alas, you cannot manipulate them psionically, but I can control them for you even from a distance.”

“Wait a minute,” Ellie interjects. “Are you proposing to do that to help River fight Fabian?”

“But of course I am. River must assert his dominance over that piece of space garbage.”

She facepalms and lets out a loud groan. “I don’t like this one bit.”

I reach over and pat her on the back with my hand while Nirblob mimics the movement with one of the tentacles on my rig. “Don’t worry, Mama-in-Law. We’ve got this. Nirblob and I are actually a pretty damn good team. We can take down that loser Fuckface Fabio.”

At least, I’m reasonably confident we can.

“Or we could just go in, phasers blazing, and take him out that way,” Nirblob suggests. “I would enjoy that immensely as well.”

“Let’s tone down the murderous vibes a smidge, my friend,” I say, forcing a smile.

Ellie strokes her chin. “His suggestion holds merit.”

“Mom, you know we can’t just kill these idiots indiscriminately,” Mal says. “Alliance backup is coming, and they fully intend to take all the invaders into custody.”

“They probably won’t blink an eye at the murder of one or two of them, especially if we can show that they shot first,” Nirblob counters cheerfully.

Ellie’s answering grin is a little terrifying. “I think I’m starting to really like you, Nirblob.”

He dramatically tosses his cloak over one shoulder. “And I you, madame.”

I clear my throat. “Sorry to interrupt this new friendship forming right in front of me, but why don’t we stick to murder as a last resort, ‘kay?” A strong sense of resolve builds in me.

“I want—no, I need to duel Fuckface Fabio. He deserves some serious payback for all the trouble he’s put me and Kai through.

This duel is about reclaiming my damn honor and trouncing this douche canoe once and for all.

” I flex my mechanical tentacles to make my point.

Mal high-fives one of my hands and then one of my new appendages.

Ellie sighs and mutters, “Foolish men.”

I flash her the puppy-dog eyes I know she can’t resist. “Pretty please let me kick his ass, Mama-in-Law?”

She runs a hand down her face. “Ugh. Fine. But don’t take too long. If things turn sour, use whatever underhanded method you need to in order to take him down.”

“I’ll also work on getting details out of him on where Kai’s been taken,” I offer.

Ellie crosses her arms. “Fine. Although, I still reserve the right to end Fabian if need be.” She growls. “Or anyone who tries to hurt me or mine.”

“So fierce,” I whisper in admiration.

Agent Catengi suddenly appears in the doorway. “We have this building locked down, and all the intruders we took down have been safely contained in the holding cells. Have things gone according to plan?”

I nod. “We’re getting ready to follow them now.”

He arches an eyebrow at me. “Care to explain what that… device you’re wearing is all about?”

“Probably better not to. Less culpability,” I say.

“What was life even like before River came into our lives?” Mal wonders aloud.

“So much less interesting,” Nirblob immediately answers.

He and Ellie nod at each other in mutual agreement, and frankly, I love this new era of friendship for them.

Agent Catengi takes it all in and clears his throat.

“Yes, well then. I will stay here as we planned, and Zugo and I will begin the interrogations.” He holds up the hand where his telepathic psy-enhanced parasitic symbiont resides.

“My team and I will continue to monitor the situation while you all are gone. Don’t hesitate to call us if you need reinforcements. ”

The rest of our team soon rejoins us, and we all take our positions on the transporter platform, ready for Phase II of Operation CHAOS, as Agent Catengi fires up the transporter for us.

“Once you’re gone, I will temporarily deactivate the transporter. This is a one-way trip, everyone. We don’t want any hostiles trying to come back while we’re vulnerable without our core support team present.”

I give him two enthusiastic thumbs up. “Thanks, Bax.”

His expression becomes even more solemn and serious than usual. “Be careful, all of you.”

I lift my right hand in the V-shaped Vulcan salute. “Live long and prosper.”

His lips twitch and he mirrors my hand movement. “Live long and prosper, my friend.”

Agent Catengi is a bit of a no-nonsense hard-ass, and his face rarely shows much in the way of emotion, but we’ve become buds over the last few weeks, especially once we realized we shared a mutual love for all things Star Trek .

That was a total trip!

I only hope we get a chance to watch more episodes together after all of this is over.

The transporter beam’s pillars of light surround us, and I feel that familiar sucking sensation before we’re whisked to our destination.

I stagger a little bit when we arrive outside the Valley of Fire base.

It’s dark but the sounds of attack inside the base are loud enough for us to hear through the thick cement walls.

Nirblob pulls out his transmitter-like device and programs something into it quickly. “Mwahahahaha. My Galactic-Level Invasive Terminal Control Hack program is ready.”

I blink at him in confusion. “Your what now?”

“Behold my unparalleled genius, my friend! Adeline walked right into our trap when she accessed the mainframe in Alliance HQ, just as we expected. She uploaded data to her vessel’s mainframe, which then allowed my ship’s system to gain access to it.”

My eyes widen. “So that’s why you wanted to sync the Alliance computer program with your ship?”

“It was part of the reason. Now that I have access to her system, I can also infiltrate all connected ships’ systems.” He cackles in a rather good impression of an evil supervillain.

I frown. “How?”

“Everyone here works with or for Layne Madison. At the very least, they have to share a communication channel with each other’s vessels to coordinate their attack.

Normally, such channels are difficult to infiltrate.

However, they didn’t think about the fact that they’re dealing with a Zelitine.

Fools! Hacking their communication channel was a breeze.

I am certain Mr. Jeff Goldblum would be most impressed. ”

Nirblob really took a shine to the actor after watching Independence Day and then Jurassic Park with me. Not that I blame him.

I grin. “You’re a total badass, for sure.”

Nirblob’s chest puffs out with pride. “Indubitably. And now, with one flip of my GLITCH switch, I will disable all of their landing vessels. The program will infiltrate and take over their main operating systems, as well as the ones linked to their larger ships in orbit around the planet.” He rubs his tiny, gloved hands together with glee.

“In no time at all, they will be dealing with the most frustrating series of error messages and blue screens they’ve ever encountered. ”

For a weird moment, I feel like I’m Pinky and he’s The Brain.

Doing his own impression of a drumroll, Nirblob lifts one finger and presses a button on his transmitter.

The wind blows, sending a chill with it in the cold desert night air.

I glance around. “Uh, was something supposed to happen?”

Nirblob pulls out his holotablet and studies the holoscreen for a moment before nodding to himself.

“My GLITCH switch worked perfectly. Alas, its sheer magnificence operates on a less visible level to the naked eye. Believe me, our opponents won’t be able to escape via any vessels within a twenty-mile radius.

” He chortles to himself. “I’m a collector of obscure and outdated Earthling technology.

I based GLITCH on an infamously terrible and primitive computer operating system called Windows Vista . They won’t know what hit them!”

He preens some more and I pat him on the back.

“That’s downright devious. Vista sucked ass and crashed all the time.

Lord Vardox would be impressed.” Nirblob beams, stars in his eyes.

“And I’m proud of you for upping your acronym game as well.

GLITCH switch is an epic name!” We high-five again because how can we not?

“Excellent work, Nirblob. The Alliance thanks you. We’ve now cut off their avenue of escape,” Ellie says, striding forward, eyes on the base.

“Let’s go help the rest of our team. My tracking device shows Kai is somewhere close by, so let’s move fast. For now, we’ll split up into pairs.

Mal, you’re with me. We’ll take the front entrance.

River, you and Nirblob enter through the back. ”

Handed our marching orders, Nirblob and I circle around the back of the base, creeping quietly along the side of the building while on the lookout for baddies.

From here, I can hear even louder sounds of battle inside, and I cross my fingers and toes for the safety and well-being of all of our friends and family who stepped up to fight for the Alliance—and for the very fate of humanity on Earth.

I’m still so moved by how many of my extraterrestrial friends are risking their lives and protecting the planet that has now become their home.

Even though humans are not quite ready for aliens living among them, those who have sought refuge and new lives here on Earth still see promise in our species and the future ahead of us.

Granted, not all have had positive encounters and interactions with humans, but many have made friends and found connections with some of the better members of the human species, and that seems enough for most to want to help us.

Several hundred yards away from the back entrance of the base, we’re met by Fuckface Fabio and his six-man crew of what looks like intergalactic mercenaries.

“I knew you’d come,” Fabian crows with satisfaction, a manic gleam in his eyes.

As Evan would say, this pendejo es muy loco.

It’s time I deal with him once and for all.