Page 24 of All You Need is Alien Love (Tentacular Tales #4)

CHAPTER TWELVE

Spill the TEA: Trustworthy Earthling Advice

I hope you’re all doing well, friends. Things have been a bit busy on my end but I’m still here to field your most pressing questions and offer sage advice. Don’t hesitate to reach out if you’re in need of guidance from a trustworthy Earthling!

Now, onto our conundrum of the day… an accidental Vulcan-type predicament.

Dear Dr. TEA,

Help! I was a little stressed out recently and accidentally mind-melded with a manager from another department during a joint staff meeting.

Now I know all about his recent divorce, his receding hairline woes, his favorite human porn sites, and his secret fantasy of being pegged by a dominant woman.

Needless to say, this is extremely awkward and I can’t look him in the eye at the moment.

I’ve been avoiding him whenever possible.

I feel bad because he didn’t give me consent to invade his mind like that, and it was totally my fault for picking up the wrong coffee mug and taking a drink.

Obviously, he doesn’t have the same ability, so it was a totally one-sided meld, which is just wrong.

I’ll admit, it’s been a bit of an adjustment here on Earth where so few humans guard their minds in a manner standard to that of my home world, but that’s still no excuse for my catastrophic mistake.

What should I do? I don’t know how to act around him now. How do I make things less uncomfortable without exposing what I know?

Also, on my home world, females are the more dominant ones in the bedroom, and I know just how to make him scream in pleasure. Is it wrong of me to mention that I might be interested in fulfilling that fantasy of his?

Best,

Ms. Mind-Meld Mistake

Dear Ms. Mind-Meld Mistake,

You’ve just made my Vulcan fantasies a reality!

There are folks who can seriously do a mind-meld?

How cool is that? I do agree, the fact it was one-sided isn’t cool, especially if your manager didn’t agree to it.

Consent, in all things, is key! But, as you said, it wasn’t intentional and the fact that you feel guilty about it is a testament to your good character.

From where I sit, the onus seems to be on you to make things right without revealing too much.

It sounds like he’s been through a bit of a rough patch in his personal life.

Getting older is never easy and divorce, particularly later in life, comes with its own challenges.

Having both happen at the same time could compound feelings of loneliness and worrying about trying to date again.

Advice #1: Be kind (unless he’s an asshole, of course).

A little kindness can go a long way. Consider inviting him out for coffee during your lunch break.

Extend the olive branch of professional friendship to start.

It may never go beyond this, and that’s okay.

Just because you know his fantasies doesn’t mean you should act on them.

Advice #2: Listen. If he’s receptive to your friendship, he might share some of his personal troubles with you.

He may just need a friend to vent with and that isn’t a hard role to fill.

Here’s where you can be understanding without revealing that you’ve already, accidentally, seen his memories and innermost thoughts.

Advice #3: Most people would say getting involved with a coworker is a bad idea (Note: be sure to check your company’s policy on this!) But I’m not a hypocrite.

I totes fell in love with my coworker and made him my husband— score!

—so if he’s not your boss and you’re genuinely interested, then test the waters and see if he’s interested in you and what you have to offer. If he’s down, I say peg away!

P.S. Be more careful in future so you don’t end up in a similar situation again.

Gayer than a glitter bomb at Pride,

Dr. TEA

River

Thankfully, Day Two of the ceremony ends on a high note—pun intended—and Kai and I are both half-carried away while still loopy on the Iyaran elixir.

I pass out early, sleeping deeply until morning.

Ellie assured me in advance that this would happen and was perfectly normal, and in fact, something of a blessing.

By the end of the second day, most couples are so horny and irritable that they’re not sleeping well, and the elixir is a much-needed intervention.

I was already more than willing to take it to begin with, but that just ended up being an added bonus.

I wake up raring to go for the third and final day.

Hallelujah, I finally get to knock boots with my boo tonight.

The doorbell rings, and I hurry over to find Evan at the door and holding a huge box. I help him carry it out to the garage and put it in the back of the SUV.

“What the hell is this, hermano? Nirblob told me I couldn’t peek.”

I rub my hands together gleefully as any proper supervillain does.

“It’s my top secret weapon for the ceremony finale. You’ll just have to wait and see like everyone else.”

“?Qué gacho! I’m your bestie, you can tell me.”

“Sorry, man, a surprise planned for the hubby-boo trumps even BFF status.”

Evan pretends to toss his artfully coiffed hair that doesn’t move an inch. “Fine, be a diva. After all, that’s one of my favorite things about you since I’m one too.”

He gives me a saucy finger-snap and then we air-kiss over one another’s cheeks. When Evan has his makeup just so for a special occasion like today, I know better than to mess with it!

We get into the SUV and start our drive out to the Valley of Fire base. Day Three, here we come.

From the passenger seat, Evan turns to face me. “Are you glad this whole thing is almost over?”

“You have no fucking idea.” I dart a glance at him and smile.

“The ceremony itself hasn’t been too bad, apart from the enforced abstinence bullshit.

I worked my ass off to prepare for everything, you know that, and it’s been nice to see my efforts pay off.

All in all, I’d say the Sanctioning Ceremony has been incredibly…

memorable. There’s so much I won’t soon forget about these past few days. ”

Like Kai’s sexy underwater performance.

And the poem that got me right in the feels.

“Yesterday was so romantic. That part of the ceremony was beautiful, sharing your deepest feelings with each other.” He sighs dreamily. “You two are the real deal. I hope I find a love like yours one day.”

I frown. “What about Zion? I thought things were moving along nicely with him?”

A forlorn look washes over Evan’s beautiful face.

“He put the brakes on things recently. He’s too worried about his father coming to Earth and the threat against his brother.

I totally understand and want to help him, but he doesn’t want me to get involved.

” Evan crosses his arms, a thunderous look on his face. “He thinks it’s too dangerous.”

I can’t really disagree with Zion. What lies ahead is probably going to be very dangerous. I want to protect the people I care about too.

Evan throws his hands up in the air. “Dios mío! Why do I always have to fall for stubborn, sexy men?”

I laugh. “Trust me, Zion’s one of the good guys, but the situation we’re staring down right now is no joke.

” My mouth sets in a grim line. “Evil Alien Bad Guy Invasion is imminent. We’ve prepared for this as much as we can, and we hope we’ll have the upper hand, but if sci-fi movies have taught me anything, it’s to be prepared for the unexpected. ”

Evan frowns. “Are we talking an Independence Day kind of invasion?”

“Fuck, I hope not. We don’t think Layne Madison has that kind of backing or power.

If he did, then he would have used it a long time ago.

We’re reasonably confident this is smaller in scale, a very targeted operation aiming for control of the Alliance outposts here on Earth. We have to be ready for them.”

“?Chingados!” Evan curses. “I want to help, hermano.”

How did I know this was coming?

I sigh. “Look, I kind of agree with Zion on this one. It’s too dangerous.”

He gets a familiar glint of stubborn determination in his eyes. “I can cut a bitch if I have to, and I’m scrappy as hell. You know that better than anyone.”

I sure do.

Even though he was always smaller than me, Evan was the one defending me from bullies in my youth. He may be tiny, but he’s fierce, and he fights dirty.

No lie, a smidge of Lord Vardox’s character is modeled on Evan.

That’s an insider secret.

I smile to myself. I’ll have to share that with Kai one day.

Evan pokes me and I squirm. “Fine! I’ll talk with the rest of the team and see what they say. We probably don’t want you on the front line in a position of danger, but there may be other ways you could help us.”

Evan crosses his arms. “Make it happen, hermano. And don’t even think of trying to keep me away. I’ll force myself in if I have to. There’s no way I’m letting my best friend fight these pendejos in need of an ass whooping without me.”

I beam at him. “I love you too, man.”

We arrive at the base, where Evan helps me haul the awkward box into my temporary changing room, and then I shoo him out.

“This superstar needs to get ready.”

He rolls his eyes and pinches my cheek. “Good luck, hermano. Knock ’em dead.”

He sashays out of the room, and I lock the door behind him and hurriedly change into my outfit.

I couldn’t have done this without Nirblob’s help, but getting into my outfit and strapping my specially commissioned device around my waist takes longer than I expected.

This is also one of the reasons I’ve been completely confident my alien friend can help us design some new and revamped weapons to fight against Layne Madison and his gang.

Nirblob’s a freaking genius. No wonder we get along.

Once I test everything to make sure all is working as designed, I don the glorious red satin cloak I had Evan’s designer friend make for me.

I grin as I study myself in the mirror appreciatively. Lord Vardox, eat your heart out!