Page 18 of All You Need is Alien Love (Tentacular Tales #4)

I have to fight the impulse to whistle obnoxiously at him.

Damn, my man is sexy as fuck.

He climbs the ladder into the pool— look at those glutes! —and dives in with liquid grace.

Strategically positioned lighting highlights his stunning form in the water, and I can’t help but let out a dreamy sigh when four of his purple tentacles emerge from his abdominal pouch.

The appendages move gracefully through the water as Kai performs a sort of underwater ballet so extraordinarily beautiful that it’s hard for me to look away.

While he glides through the water, his tentacles undulate and swirl around him with a level of over-the-top pageantry to them that they would make a peacock take notes.

It’s quite possibly Kai’s gayest, most flamboyant moment as an alien—and I am here for it.

“You betta werk, bitch,” I whisper under my breath, channeling my inner RuPaul.

Throughout it all, I notice that Kai’s eyes never leave mine.

A tender ache takes root in my chest at the sight. He’s giving me full-on, swoon-worthy, love-charged heart palpitations right now.

As much as preparing for this ceremony has stressed me out, I’m beginning to appreciate the deeper significance of it. Kai is utterly spellbinding during his performance, and despite our audience, I know that it’s all for me.

My boo may not be quite as vocal and demonstrative as I tend to be, especially in public, but he pulls out all the stops when it truly matters.

Just like his epic proposal to me, complete with a Britney Spears dance number, right now he’s giving me Iyaran life mate realness .

Watching him, I instinctively know that this is a celebration of us and the special bond that we share.

It’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever witnessed in my life.

If I’m totally honest with myself, despite my romantic tendencies, I had serious doubts that I’d ever find a love so powerful and profound as this before Kai and I met.

Sure, I always dreamed and fantasized. I mean, my obsession with rom-coms and romance novels wasn’t without purpose.

Plus, I’ve done enough therapy over the years to know that my intense desire to be loved probably had a whole lot to do with losing my parents as a kid.

I wanted to find someone special who was meant for me, and I for him.

The idea of a partner who would always stand by my side through anything was a dream I craved more than almost anything else.

But I was also self-aware enough to know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. I can be a bit… extra for some people.

That’s never bothered me because first and foremost, I’m true to who I am. I won’t pretend I’m something or someone I’m not just to please others. My philosophy has always been: If people don’t like me as I am, then fuck ’em.

But I understood that being my fierce and fabulous self would probably make it difficult for me to find a partner who could openly accept and embrace everything about me, let alone love all of those parts of me.

Did I ever expect it would take an extraterrestrial from another planet to be my person? No, but in retrospect, it makes total perfect sense.

I’m just so grateful the universe saw fit to bring us together because I couldn’t imagine my life without Kai in it.

After several minutes with everyone oohing and aahing, Kai’s performance comes to an end, and he emerges from the water like some fantasy water god from my immediately far too pornographic dreams.

I squirm under my robe and desperately try to curb my burgeoning erection. Curse this Sanctioning Ceremony abstinence nonsense!

Grandma Iris picks up her microphone again. “That was a truly spectacular aquatic mating dance. I’m sure everyone could feel the depth of feeling behind it.”

There’s much applauding and whistling in agreement.

My jaw hurts from smiling so hard at my utterly epic mate.

Kai comes back down the ladder and Mal hands him a towel. He quickly dries off, his tentacles having returned inside his abdominal pouch. Once suitably dry, Kai dons his robe again and flashes me the most beautiful and almost boyish grin.

“I love you so hard,” I mouth at him.

He gives me a ridiculously cute little bow and blows me a kiss.

“Evan, hold me back,” I whimper. “I want to climb—and maybe hump a little—my man like a stripper pole!”

My BFF takes a firm hold of my arm and keeps me where I am. “Compórtate. Save the humping for your honeymoon. It’s almost your turn.”

Fuck . I know it is.

I’ve been training for this for a while—and in secret from my boo—because I have so many surprises for him over the next few days. Now I just hope they all work out as planned.

During the next three days, I want him to know without a shadow of a doubt that our life together will never be dull and that I’ll always find ways to amaze and even astonish him.

River Sullivan knows how to keep a relationship full of love and laughter, dammit!

Grandma Iris gets everyone’s attention once again. “Now, for the second act.” She arches a challenging eyebrow at me.

I grin back at her just a smidge maniacally.

Game on, Grandma Iris!

Everyone in the audience cheers me on and luckily, my Tentacle Twin, Evan, is prepared.

He jumps to his feet and pushes over a tall rolling curtain screen.

“Buenos días, everyone. We ask for a moment of your patience. River has a special surprise planned for his hubby-boo, so please bear with us non-tentacled boys for just a few moments while we complete our preparations.”

The lights are turned down as Evan and I hurry behind the curtain, moving the rolling device until it’s in position in front of the pool ladder, which I proceed to climb. That’s when my BFF pulls out my performance’s secret weapon from the bag he’s had ready and waiting.

I’m not gonna lie, it’s a bit of a challenge even though we’ve been practicing for days. We’ve gotten to be far more adept at it than when we started, so it only takes us about a minute and a half to get me fully ready, even in the dark.

I give Evan a big thumbs-up as I put on my accompanying goggles and elongated snorkel.

You’ve got this, River , I reassure myself, then I dive into the water with a splash.

I watch as Evan rolls away the curtain screen and the lights go back up to reveal me in all my majestic glory.

Although I can’t hear much under the water, I’m mentally picturing the amazement on everyone’s faces.

After all, it’s not every day you see a sexy thang like me transformed into a stunning mermaid, complete with a shimmering tail—the perfect shade of purple to match my hubby-boo’s eyes.

Ariel, eat your heart out!

I start performing my supersexy mermaid underwater dance routine that I’ve been practicing for weeks.

In my head, I’m singing “Part of Your World” just like I did when I was a kid.

I went through a slightly obsessive phase with The Little Mermaid and used to sing all of the songs while in the bathtub.

It’s what gave me the idea for this part of the Sanctioning Ceremony, actually.

Memories of my supergay youth to the rescue!

While I’m not the most athletically gifted person in the world, I’m doing pretty damn well right now if I do say so myself.

What I lack in natural talent, I make up for with hard work and panache.

However, when I came up with this epic idea, I knew I needed help to make it a successful reality and not a massive flop.

Lucky for me, Evan, having the many amazing connections that he does in Vegas, is good friends with an underwater performer who does mermaid routines at the Silverton and even trained for summer at the famous Weeki Wachee Springs in Florida.

Laurel was a huge help in teaching me the basics—turns out trying to swim with a mermaid tail and not drown is a lot fucking harder than it looks.

We didn’t have months of time for training, so I couldn’t really condition my lungs to spend multiple minutes underwater without breathing, but I was able to work my special snorkel into my performance to compensate for that.

I’m brilliant like that, natch.

Really getting into my routine, I twirl through the water like the diva mermaid I am in this moment, wiggling my shiny tail and shaking it for all I’m worth.

My blurry, goggled gaze never leaves my boo’s face, and when I reach my arms and hands out in invitation to him, I get a thrill watching his expression turn from wide-eyed amazement to blazing hot desire.

Well, that’s what my rose-colored goggles show me anyway.

Just like his performance was all for me, so too is mine for him. The rest of our audience doesn’t matter. My version of the underwater mating dance is solely for Kai, and I pull out all the motherfucking stops.

I’m breathing pretty heavily when I come to the end of my routine, and I once again have a greater appreciation for underwater performers. This is seriously a major workout!

After I grab onto the handles of the stairs and pull myself half out of the water, I yank off my goggles and snorkel to wave at everyone giving me a standing ovation.

I motherfreaking rocked the casbah. ’Cuz that’s how River Sullivan gets it done, bay-bee!

Evan helps pull me the rest of the way out of the water and unzips me from my wet mermaid tail, which is super tricky to get out of without assistance—even harder than wriggling out of my tightest pair of skinny jeans.

Once I’m free and standing on shaky legs, I manage to make it down the stairs to towel off and bundle into my robe.

When I finally look at Kai again, the fire I see burning in his eyes singes me to the core. I want to throw myself at him with lust-fueled abandon, let him fuck me six ways to Sunday, and feel him in my mouth, my ass, and all over me.

I want my cock in his mouth, and I want his tentacles writhing inside me, and?—

Grandma Iris interrupts my lewd train of thought by clearing her throat. “If our two grooms can please return to their dressing rooms, we will have a short adjournment for lunch, then continue with our afternoon trial for our impressive couple.”

I give Kai one last fleeting—and super horny—look before Evan all but drags my ass back into my impromptu dressing room so I can get cleaned up and dressed for the rest of the day’s events.

My stomach rumbles and I realize that I’m starving and also hella fucking tired. That first event of Day One took a lot out of me. If the next two days are anything like this one, I may be too tired at the end of the Sanctioning Ceremony for all the fucking I’ve been imagining…

Heh. Who am I kidding? Imma climb my man like a tree the minute this is all over.

It probably didn’t help that I had a shitty night’s sleep without Kai beforehand. But I have more pressing concerns right now.

“Was I as awesome as I think I was?” My voice is still a little breathless.

Evan beams at me. “Of course, hermano. You were fabulous.”

I narrow my eyes. “No bullshit?”

He crosses his arms and scowls. “As a dancer, I would never bullshit you on something like this. You were perfection. You’ve worked so hard training with Laurel every day for the last few weeks, and it shows. Everyone was impressed, and your husband could not take his eyes off of you.”

Not gonna lie, I preen a little at that. All the effort I put in was worth it, especially for my sweet boo’s enjoyment. I know he’ll be enjoying sweet and sexy mermaid dreams of me tonight.

“I wanted to do something special for him, you feel me?”

Evan nods. “Por supuesto.”

“Even though I can’t do all the things an Iyaran partner could, I wanted to prove that I’m just as awesome.” I puff my chest out. “Actually, fuck that. I’m better than anyone else for Kai, even if I don’t have tentacles.”

“Believe me, I don’t think anyone doubts how amazing you are after that performance.” Evan chuckles. “In fact, I don’t think it’s something they’ll forget for a long time.”

I grin and wrap him in a hug. “I couldn’t have done it without you. Thank you, my brother from another mother.” I pull back and give him a mischievous wink. “And don’t worry, I’ll definitely return the favor when it’s your turn to get hitched.”

From the way things have been progressing between him and Zion, I’ve got a feeling it will be a lot sooner than my bestie thinks.

Now, I just hope that I can make it through the rest of the gauntlet ahead. At least it’s not going to be anywhere near as bad as what poor Grace had to go through in that horror-comedy movie Ready or Not … right?