Page 28 of All You Need is Alien Love (Tentacular Tales #4)

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Spill the TEA: Trustworthy Earthling Advice

Friends, you all are so awesome that I can’t keep up!

This column has taken off in ways I didn’t quite expect, but I’m honored that so many of you find my insight and advice helpful.

Be assured that I’m reading each and every one of your queries, and have no fear, I will get to them all—eventually. Big Dr. TEA love to you all!

Now, onto our issue of the day… warfare (of a sort) in the workplace!

Dear Dr. TEA,

I am proud to say that I’ve assimilated quite well into the Earthling workforce and have settled into my new job with convincing naturalness.

However, I recently have found myself utterly confounded by what my coworkers have dubbed The Thermos Wars.

It appears to be a strange battle between #TeamStanley and #TeamYeti.

I thought these referred to feuding royal families of some kind at first. But it appears these so-called “teams” relate to preferred brand names for… beverage containers?

This seems utterly illogical and maybe even more than a little mad. Why would one wage war over something so foolish? Granted, things have not devolved into bloodshed.

Yet.

However, I fear it may only be a matter of time. People are becoming quite fervent in proselytizing for their preferred brand. Everyone has chosen their side.

Except me. I am the lone holdout and each side is trying to woo me to their team. I worry that once I choose a side, an all-out battle will begin. How long can I keep them in a stalemate? I’m a pacifist by nature and don’t use a thermos, what do I do to keep the peace?

Yours,

#SeriouslyTiredofEveryoneArguingaboutMugsEveryDay

Dear #STEAMED,

Humans do have a tendency to exaggerate seemingly small things, and this situation seems to be one of those occasions.

In work environments, humans often like to compete and organize into teams that try to beat each other at all kinds of things.

Most commonly, these are more directly related to actual professional achievements.

But in other cases, it might be something more playful or even ridiculous—like these so-called Thermos Wars.

You have social media to thank for some of this fervor.

People can be inclined to take their competitiveness a bit too far.

I will say, though, sometimes these kinds of things can be good for office morale and keeps a spirit of fun competition going that can be a helpful motivator too.

If you want to confound your coworkers right back, I suggest buying a brand of thermos they aren’t familiar with.

Or, even better, bring in an alien version that looks super cool but that they’ll never be able to find their own version of online!

Like #TeamZolibula. Pique their interest and then DENY access!

Your cool thermos is literally one of a kind, and you will have won the war without having to join the fight. Mwahahahaha.

Ahem. I am, perhaps, somewhat competitive myself, so I suppose it all depends on how much you want to involve yourself in office shenanigans. Your choice, friend. You’ll have delightfully cool, or hot, beverages no matter which option you pick. Let me know what you decide. I want all the deets!

Sending strength, sass, and support,

Dr. TEA

River

There’s no way in hell I’m gonna leave my man hanging after he gave me such an Earth-shakingly good orgasm. Mmm…

Maybe there is something to be said for a bit of forced abstinence?

What am I even thinking? Fuck no.

I smile to myself with satisfaction. From here on out, it’s going to be smooth sailing for me and my hubby-boo. We’ve successfully overcome the hurdles in our way, have the official intergalactically recognized approval for our union, and now can just bask in the magic of our wedded bliss.

I straddle Kai’s hips, pleased to feel the rigid proof of his desire for me. The tentacle still languidly thrusting inside me has me primed for my man’s cock.

Eager to make that happen, I wrap my hands around the base of Kai’s erection, and his slick tentacle carefully exits my body. Balancing on my knees, I hover over Kai’s gorgeous thick length.

“It’s been far too long since I’ve ridden you like I’m gunning for gold on a mechanical bull,” I tell him with a cheeky wink.

Kai gasps and bites his bottom lip as the sensitive tip of his dick makes contact with my entrance.

Relaxing, I breathe out as I slide down on him, staring fixedly into his eyes the whole time.

I swear I can see galaxies in the stunning amethyst. More beautiful than the Milky Way, they swirl with all the power and promise of what lies ahead for us in this life we’re building together.

Love doesn’t feel like an adequate word to describe the intensity of my emotions for this man.

When my ass comes to rest on his thighs, I revel in the delicious sensation of fullness. We both take a moment to adjust to the exquisite overwhelm.

When we’re connected like this, I become downright euphoric. It makes me believe in honest-to-goodness magic.

Once again, I count my lucky stars for having met this amazing man. I don’t know what good karma or bonus points I racked up in this life or a previous one, but all I can say is, Can I get an amen ?

Unable to hold back, Kai’s hips buck upward, and that’s my cue to work my mojo—and honey, I don’t hesitate to get to work!

The sounds of our lovemaking echo off the bathroom walls, but I barely register them. My whole being has somehow contracted to what I like to think of as my personal holy trinity—my aching cock, my tingling balls, and my blissfully full asshole.

One of Kai’s sneaky tentacles squirms between us and coils itself around my shaft, pumping me with powerful precision.

I swear these appendages are semisentient. They’ve learned exactly what I like and how to give it to me better than even my own hand can.

Tentacle addict, right here .

However, I’m not one to take a back seat when it comes to sex. My right hand makes a beeline for Kai’s abdominal pouch and slips inside like a smooth operator.

I start humming the Sade song to myself as I hunt around for Kai’s prostate, which likes to hide behind one of his tentacles.

He told me at one point that a partner with tentacles could peg him, but I have to settle for my hand.

Or…

“Maybe I can use our new tentacle dildo on your prostate? It vibrates, you know.” I offer just as I find the sensitive gland and begin to stroke it the way that makes him wild.

Kai lets out a shout, and from the tension in his jaw and the tendon flexing along the side of his neck, I can tell how hard he’s trying to hold back right now.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to torment him just a little bit.

Why hello, my inner Lord Vardox. So good to have you join us again.

I clench my channel tightly around Kai’s cock, and he makes a strangled noise as his body jerks like it always does when I’m giving it to him so good that he can’t hold back.

“You like that?” I purr, my gaze still never leaving his.

His eyes spark with fiery desire. “You tempt me like no other.”

“Good. Cuz you’re stuck with me forever now.”

His answering grin is slow and so devastatingly sexy it makes me shiver all over.

He takes a firm hold of my hips with his big, hot hands. The tentacle around my cock squeezes tighter and starts stroking me faster as he thrusts up into me with the powerful but controlled movement of his hips.

It’s my turn to shout when he nails my prostate. “Oh, fuck, that’s good. Don’t stop.”

He lets go of my hips to take hold of my head, then pulls me in for a savage kiss full of promise and passion. It sends a lightning bolt of excitement zipping through me, and my already highly sensitized body feels like it might blow apart when I blow my load.

His mouth displays a level of mastery and control that’s pretty fucking hot. If he wanted to, Kai could totally take charge in this situation. But for now, he’s letting me control the show—mostly.

My man is playing me like a Vulcan harp— so damn sexy —and my impending orgasm is racing toward me.

Almost desperately, I start bouncing away on Kai’s cock, turning into a needy, begging mess.

But multitasking is hard when I’m this close to coming.

My hand in his pouch becomes rather clumsy.

How can I focus on stroking his prostate when he’s fucking me so epically I fear I might be losing brain cells in the process?

“Ohfuckohfuckohfuck,” I chant, my breath coming out in gasps.

Kai makes a growling kind of noise in response, and his fingers dig into my hips.

“Please,” I gasp.

My balls start to tighten, and that familiar white-hot ball of energy forms at the base of my spine.

“I’m gonna come,” I warn him.

“Yes,” he hisses with pleasure.

When I find my release—and probably shout loud enough for our neighbors to hear even with the windows closed—Kai joins me, and we both topple over the edge into perfect bliss.

Once my cock is empty and every last ounce of pleasure from my orgasm has been wrung out of me, I collapse into Kai’s arms, and we lie there in the slowly cooling water, waiting for our brains to come back online.

“Once again, I have to say, this tub idea was inspired.” I give him a shaky thumbs-up. “Good job, hubby-boo.”

He chuckles and kisses the damp curls on my forehead. “Well, I am your incredibly brilliant life mate, after all.”

I pull back and grin at him. “So saucy. I love that I discovered this secret side to you, sir.”

“Only you bring it out in me,” he murmurs, warmth radiating from his gaze.

I snuggle into him with a contented sigh.

Eventually, we can’t ignore the fact that the water is turning tepid. We rinse off quickly and exit the tub.

Kai towels us off and we both wrap ourselves in the fluffy matching Husband and Husband robes I got us, then crawl into bed to snuggle and warm up together.

This bed was so lonely without him for three torturously long nights. But now he’s home again, and I can’t wait to sleep surrounded by Kai and his protective tentacles.

I yawn, the events of the past three days starting to hit me in the exhaustion department. “We really did it, didn’t we? We got through the whole Sanctioning Ceremony business and broke on through to the other side.”

“That we did, my love. I know this was all new to you, but you were absolutely amazing.”

I snuggle closer. “Yeah, I kind of was, wasn’t I?” I pet one of his tentacles that’s wrapped around me in its usual embrace. “But so were you, my sweet hubby-boo.”

He chuckles at my rhyming. “I would hazard to guess that ours was one of the more memorable Sanctioning Ceremonies on record.”

“It feels good not to have that looming over us anymore, and to know that everything is signed, sealed, and legit across the universe.”

Kai nuzzles my neck. “Indeed, it will be essential for our honeymoon and any other future travels in outer space.”

“Ooh, outer space. You sure know how to talk dirty to a boy.”

He snickers. “You’re not a very complicated man, River. It’s actually quite easy and enjoyable to indulge you in the things that you love.”

I do a happy little shimmy in his arms. “I’m finally going to get to go to outer space and Tentacular Tales Con!

Seriously, I am over the moon—no pun intended—and it’s the most amazing present you could give me to commemorate our two marriages, human and Iyaran.

” I frown as I look up at him. “But I worry that it might be a little too focused on me and what I like.”

He strokes my hip. “Don’t fret, darling.

I’ll make sure there’s plenty of special alone time between the two of us while we attend the Con.

But this is something that you’ve wanted for a very long time and that I’ve wanted to be able to give you.

Besides, making your first intergalactic journey to a destination where you can meet so many extraterrestrials who are going to be predisposed to being friendly and welcoming makes a lot of sense.

” His lips quirk up into a faint grin. “Also, I’m quite eager to see what this convention is like for myself. I am, after all, your number one fan.”

“Maybe we should get that tattooed on your ass. You know, to make it official?”

Kai gives me an unimpressed look just as one of his tentacles starts tickling me and I shriek with laughter.

When I’m nearly crying from laughing so hard, he pulls me close and his eyes become hooded. “Don’t forget, I’m looking forward to hearing the rest of that special Vardox and Starblade side story that you wrote for me.”

“I’ve got you covered, babe. It’s for your eyes and ears alone.” I take hold of one of his hands and lace our fingers together.

As worries start to crowd my mind again now that I can think with more than my dick, I can’t hold back a pensive sigh.

“What is it?” Kai asks softly.

“I wish this peace and harmony would last, but I know it won’t.”

Kai holds me closer, one of his tentacles rubbing soothing circles on my back. “We’re all worried about what awaits us, my love. But we’re not alone, and there’s no way we’re letting anyone invade our turf without facing the consequences.”

“Have I ever told you that you sound hella sexy when you get all hardcore like this?”

He smirks. “Thank you, love.”

I groan in frustration. “I don’t like the uncertainty and the weird limbo of waiting that we’re trapped in.

And I know we’ve prepared as much as we realistically can for such a small outpost here on Earth, but I can’t help but wonder if my plan might not be enough.

” I clutch a tentacle tight. “What if the Alliance support doesn’t make it here in time?

What if…” I trail off because I don’t even want to think about worst-case scenarios, and I sure as shit am not going to verbalize them.

That’s just inviting bad vibes.

Three of Kai’s tentacles are wrapped around me now, as well as both of his arms, while he spoons me and pulls the blankets over us, sealing us in a protective cocoon.

“Don’t start second-guessing yourself now.

I have faith in you, your brilliant plan, and all of our amazing colleagues and friends who’ve agreed to help us.

Together, we are an unstoppable force that Layne Madison and his goons won’t be anticipating and don’t have a chance of beating.

We’ve got this, darling. Now let’s get some sleep, because there’s a lot of work to be done tomorrow. ”

Despite my nagging worries, it isn’t long before the exhaustion of the last few days takes its toll and I start to slip into slumber.

Right now, at this moment, I feel safe and secure in my life mate’s arms and tentacles.

I just wish it could always be like this, and that stupid fucking bad guys would just fuck right the fuck off.