Page 66 of Adonis Gates
I spent the ride back to my place quiet and in my head. Adonis offered for me to pick the music, but I declined. He offered to get me food, but I turned that down as well. I just wanted to get home and get in bed.
When we pulled up to my house, I started to get out on my own and hurry inside to lock my door, but I stopped myself because he hadn’t done anything to warrant that, so I waited for him to let me out. There was a bit of a breeze since it was late in the evening, so I hugged my body close as we walked toward the door. He knew the code to the keypad to let us in, so I silently waited until he did before entering ahead of him.
“You want me to just order you something to eat since you didn’t want to stop?”
“No.” I glanced back and shook my head before turning back and carefully placing my purse on the counter. “I-I just think I’m going to call it a night.”
“Jru, what’s up? You were good all night, then you shut down, barely talking to a nigga and shit. Did I do something?”
“No. You didn’t do anything, I promise. I actually really enjoyed my time with you, I just… I have a lot on my mind. I think maybe… maybe we should slow this down.” I suggested. “Or end it all together.”
“End it? W-where is this coming from, Jruelle?” he frowned. “If I did something, let me know what’s up so I can fix it. Don’t?—”
“You didn’t do anything, Adonis.” I cut him off. “It’s just… what you want and what I’m able to give you doesn’t align, and before we mess up what we had as friends, I’d rather just end it now.”
“I’m so lost right now, love,” he confessed, taking a step closer to me. “What is it you think I want?”
“Tonight, when you saw that little girl and said, ‘our daughter’—you said it so easily,” my voice cracked. “Like it was a given, but it’s not. Not for me,” I whispered.
“What you mean? Why not?”
I looked up at him, wrapping my arms around my own body, hugging myself as tight as I could trying to get some kind of comfort before I began.
“I have endometriosis,” I admitted as the tears stung my eyes. “It’s not just the bad cramps I’ve been telling you that I have. It’s scarring, and pain, and surgeries, and doctors telling you that the chances of you having kids one day is almost zero. I’ve lived with that for years.” I swiped away some of the tears that had escaped my eyes. “I don’t talk about it because it makesme feel… broken. And when you mentioned the future it just… hit me. I want to be able to give you that one day, but I can’t. Not without a fight that I might not win.”
He took a step closer to me, but I held up a hand to stop him. I needed to finish what I’d started to tell him.
“I don’t want to drag you into something that is going to hurt or disappoint you down the line. If you want to have a family, you deserve to have one. I can’t be the one to ruin your dreams.”
He slowly reached for my hand, gently lowering it. “Jru…”
“I mean it,” I said lowly. “I’ve been living this nightmare for years—knowing that I won’t be able to have a child of my own, and every time I start to care about someone, I dread the day that I have to fess up and watch their face change when they learn my ugly truth. I can’t go through that again.”
“You think I’m gon’ bounce on you because of that?” he gently lifted my head so my gaze met his. “I didn’t fall in love with you for shit that you might, or might not, be able to give me one day, Jruelle. I love you because of who you are and how you are right now, baby.” He pulled me closer. “I don’t know shit about endo-whatever the fuck, but I’m gon’ learn about it. And if it’s gon’ be a fight to get through the shit, then it’s gon’ be a fight that we face together. If shit don’t end up the way we plan for it to, then fuck it. It must not have been in the cards for us. Me, you, and AP can get a puppy or some shit.”
His words had so much conviction in them, and he looked like he really meant what he was saying, but like he said, he didn’t know what endometriosis was and what it meant for my future, so I shook my head and said, “you don’t know what you’re saying…”
“I know exactly what the fuck I’m saying, Jru,” he cut in softly. “You ain’t alone with this shit. Not anymore. Whatever has to be done to ease your pain when you’re hurting, or lift your spirits when you down, I got you.” He pulled me into hisembrace. “I got you, baby, aight?” He lifted my face so that I was looking at him again. I nodded and hugged him closely. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” I sniffled.
I’d loved Adonis for a long time, even while I was with Derrick. I think he knew it too, which was why he despised Adonis so much. I’d had to push my feelings to the back of my mind because, not only was I in a relationship, I was also dealing with a lot when I first learned my diagnosis, but after hearing him speak to me tonight, and promising to be there for me, I knew I didn’t have to ignore them anymore. I didn’t want to.
“Then quit trying to leave a nigga.” He smiled then leaned down to kiss me.
The kiss started slowly, but the pace picked up quickly turning into something very passionate. He walked me backward toward the couch before he turned us, lowering himself down and pulling me with him so that I was straddling his lap.
While continuing to kiss me, he started to unfasten my corset until my breast were spilling from it. He tossed it to the side before breaking the kiss and gently sucking on my nipples as he massaged my breasts in his hands.
After releasing my nipple, he started to suck on the space between my titties then kiss his way to my neck. He sucked on the sides and front before pulling back and looking up at me.
“You’re so perfect, Jru,” he said, still feeling me up as he stared into my eyes. “I want you so bad.” He kissed the top of my left breast. “Can I have you?”
I thought about it for a second, knowing that sometimes intercourse could be uncomfortable for me, but on the other hand I didn’t want to regret not finally trying with Adonis, so I nodded.
“Sometimes it hurts, so bear with me.”
Wrapping his arms around me, he lifted us from the couch and carried me to my bedroom where he gently laid me on the bed then worked my shorts and panties down my legs before tossing them to the side then undressing himself.