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I hate how ruthless and uncaring he sounds. I know it’s all an act, but having it directed at me still hurts. I can handle him talking to me like that, but I refuse to stand by and let him be rude to Indie.
“Don’t fucking call her that. Any idiot can tell there’s more going on here than we can see. If you talk to her instead of yelling at her, she might actually tell you.”
His eyes narrow on me, but I catch the way he wavers just slightly. “I’m not interested in drama. My life already has plenty, without adding more.”
I shake my head at his blatant attempt at deflection. “How about I make you a deal? I’ll drop it, and won’t try to force you to talk to Indie, but in return, you have to promise not to look into whatever she’s hiding.”
“Absolutely fucking not,” he shouts, his anger flaring.
I hold my hands out to placate him, but he clearly thinks I’m trying to reach for him, as he takes a quick step back, out of my reach. My heart stutters and my stomach drops.He can’t even bear to have me touch him.
I push aside the heartbreaking emotions that are threatening to destroy the last of my composure, and I focus on keeping my voice steady. “Look, I just need some time to talk to her. I’ll find out what’s going on. We don’t have to do this the hard way.”
Miles shakes his head, sneering at me. “I won’t believe whatever lie she tells you anyway, so there’s no point.”
I let out a huff that slowly turns into a sigh. “You, of all people, should know that people keep secrets for a reason. I’m not asking you to never look into it. I’m just asking you to give me some time.”
Miles falters for just a moment, his shoulders dropping. “Fine,” he says through gritted teeth.
I give him a smile, which seems to shock him. “Thank you.” I make sure he can hear just how grateful I am.
He nods towards the door, silently asking for me to move as he reaches for the handle. I reluctantly step aside, knowing the conversation is over, but not wanting to move away from him.
Even after all these years, it’s torture for me to be in the same room as Miles, to be so close to him, knowing the mistakes I made, yet the distance is harder.
Just as he’s walking through the open doorway, he turns to look back at me. I can’t read the mixture of emotions on his face, but when he settles on anger, that’s something I’m familiar with. The scowl he produces makes his beautiful face seem ugly, and I know before he even opens his mouth that his words are going to hurt me.
“Just so you know, Indie will be like all the other whores that you’ve fucked—more hassle than their pussy is worth.”
His words do more than hurt, they slay me. If I hadn’t been paying as much attention as I was, I might have missed the pain that flashed in his eyes for just a moment.
As it registers with me just how much he seems to hate Indie, I’m overcome with jealousy, which is an emotion I never expected to feel. It seems to hit me like a bus, before sliding underneath my skin, itching away at me in the most maddening way.
Miles must have really loved Indie to hate her this much. She must have broken his heart. I’m jealous that he hates her more than he does me, as that means he cared more about her.
Fuck, clearly all the drugs have messed with my sanity if I’m jealous of how much he hates her,I think to myself. It’s not exactly fucking logical, but I can’t help it.
The idea of Miles being with anyone else destroys me. I know I can’t really talk, as I’ve fucked more women than I can count over the years, in a desperate attempt to forget, but I can’t change how I feel.
All I can do is push those feelings deep down and pretend they don’t exist, which is something I’ve gotten pretty fucking good at over the years. Sometimes pretending you don’t feel anything is easier than admitting you love someone you shouldn’t.
- TEN YEARS EARLIER -
From the moment Mrs Snyder, our English teacher, announced that Jacob Santoro would be my assignment partner for our final school year, I should have known no good would come from it.
Although Jacob and I have known each other for years, we’re only friends because of Marcus. He’s my best friend, and he’s Jacob’s, which is why the three of us hang out, but we never see each other without him there.
I think we have enough things in common that we’d get along; we’ve just never really tried. We’ve always been more than happy to have Marcus act as a buffer between us—or at least, I have.
Jake is one of the few people on this earth that truly confuses me. I pride myself on being able to read people, to understand them—what motivates them, what makes them tick—but with Jake, I have no idea. Which is really strange, as he’s a bit of an open book.
He’s always happy, carefree, loves to have a laugh, and is probably one of the biggest flirts I’ve ever seen. The smile on his face is ever present, and people seem to gravitate towards that, towards his golden retriever type energy. Yet I’ve often wondered if there’s more to him.
On more than one occasion, I’ve seen a vacant, almost haunted look in his eyes, and then his body droops like he’s got the weight of the world on his shoulders. I’ve seen a similar look in Marcus’ whenever he’s thinking about the responsibilities he has as an heir of Blackthorn—a title that he shares with Jacob.
While Marcus is vocal regarding the concerns he has about taking on the leadership role, Jacob has always maintained it’s not something he wants to do, and therefore, he won’t discuss it.
He wants to live like a normal eighteen-year-old, pretending that his responsibilities don’t exist, but I think that’s the dark side of himself that he seems to hide from everyone.