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She nods, a sad smile on her face as she places a reassuring hand on my arm. “I think that’s more than fair.”

I don’t tell Courtney why we have to leave until we’re back home, and once we’re in the safety of our house, I tell her everything. I hold her as she grieves for her mother, sobbing at the thought of losing her before we had a chance to save her.

No matter the awful things Mum’s done recently, there was a part of us both that was determined to bring back the mum we remembered, the one who loved and cherished us. But that chance has been taken from us, and that’s what Court is crying over.

Just over ninety minutes later, the nurse calls to tell me that Mum is deteriorating rapidly. There’s a good chance she won’t make it to the next set of tests. Once they’ve confirmed security has removed Bruce, Court and I rush to the hospital.

We make it there in time, and Courtney sits by her bed, holding Mum’s hand as she deteriorates. I’m so fucking lost, I don’t know what to do. I’m angry with Mum for putting us in this situation, for not caring enough about her life. But I’m also fucking heartbroken that me and my little sister are about to become orphans.

I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve called Dee, frantically trying to get hold of her, hoping she can help me deal with my maelstrom of emotions. With each call that goes to voicemail, I become more lost.

Mum takes her final breath with me and Courtney by her side, and we break in each other’s arms, mourning the loss of a woman who once loved us more than anything else.

After we’ve said our goodbyes, I take Courtney home and get her settled. When I’m sure she’s asleep, I head out. Fuck waiting… Bruce has breathed his last breath.

I make it look like he took more of his stash than usual, overcome with grief at the loss of his wife. In reality, he didn’t give a shit about her.

I know I should feel something after taking my first life, but all I feel is relief. It wasn’t just about revenge—although that played a big part—his death was necessary to keep us safe.

Maximus’ phone call wakes me up the next morning. “His body was found, and nobody was suspicious. It looks like he overdosed, consumed by grief. Having him hold your mother’s photo in his hand was a nice touch,” he chuckles, and I smile my first genuine smile since her overdose.

“Thanks.”

“I’m proud of you. Keep your head down, and take care of yourself,” he says, and I want to puff out my chest at hearing his almost paternal praise. I don’t have any male role models in my life, and I never expected Maximus to become someone I can turn to, but he is.

Relief at not being caught floods my system as I hang up, but that’s when I realise I still haven’t heard from Dee. I try calling her again, but her inbox is now full, which has me even more concerned.

I spend the day with Courtney, making preparations for Mum’s funeral, but the whole time, I can’t stop thinking about Dee, and why she’s not got back to me yet.

By the next day, when I still haven’t heard from her, I go looking. Her boss at work tells me she hasn’t been there for two days, which sets my nerves on edge. After some pressure, he gives me her address, since Dee never shared it with me.

When I get there, I meet her landlord, who tells me she handed the keys to the flat back two days ago. He lets me look inside, confirming all of her things are gone. An overwhelming feeling of loss sets in when it hits me she’s really gone. She’s not just ignoring me, she’s fucking left.

Marcus rushes home from his holiday after hearing about Mum, and as soon as I see my best friend, everything tumblesout. I tell him about Bruce, and his father helping me. I tell him about Dee, how I feel about her, and now she’s gone.

Marcus looks as overwhelmed as I feel, but just as I expected, my best friend tries to help. “If you want to use all of my family’s resources to find Dee, we can do that.”

I’m not going to lie and say it’s not something I’ve considered, because I have. For the first few days, I obsessed over finding her, but then I realised she left for a reason. She didn’t care enough about me to tell me she was leaving, so why should I care enough to find her?

I shake my head, pulling on the last shred of strength I have. “I’ve spent the last few days trying to find her, when I should have been with my family. I’ve been looking for Dee when I should have been planning my mum’s funeral.

“Court is struggling, Mum’s funeral still needs sorting, and I can’t ignore my responsibilities anymore. I can’t keep searching for a girl who clearly doesn’t give a fuck about me.

“I loved her, and I thought she loved me, but obviously I was wrong. If she did, she’d never have left like this. So, fuck her. Courtney comes first from now on. I’ve got no more time for people who pretend to care about me, only to break my heart and leave me empty and alone.”

Although I’m referring to Dee, Jacob’s face flashes in my mind at the same time.How have I let two people in, only to have them both hurt me so badly?

Well, that will never happen again. I’m going to guard the broken pieces of my heart, so nobody ever gets close enough to hurt me again.

Idon’t think I’ve ever felt as emotionally and mentally drained as I do right now, and even the small bloom of hope bubbling under the surface can’t seem to quell the ever-growing nerves.

Moving in with Jake was easy… I’ve been on the run for years, so I’m a bit of a pro when it comes to moving. The actual process wasn’t the hard part…it’s the worry over whether I’m doing the right thing. And I don’t just mean about living together.

Telling Miles and Jake about Gregg and The Count has most likely put them in danger. Even though the life they lead is dangerous, this is me personally adding to it, and I’m not sure I’ll cope if they get hurt because of me.

If that was the only thing I had to worry about, my brain might just be able to manage, but then there’s all the extra baggage around my feelings for both men. That’s the part that’s really scrambling my fucking mind.

Although Miles has agreed to help me and keep me safe, I still don’t know where I stand with him. We haven’t had an opportunity to talk about what happened between us.