Page 10

I’d love to say it was only the enigma that is Jacob Santoro that drew me in, confusing me beyond belief, but I’d be lying. Jacob makes me feel things I’ve never felt before, and that confuses me more than anything.
I’ve never been attracted to another bloke before, and no other has ever caught my eye, so when I feel flutters every time Jacob smiles at me, it’s fucking baffling. I’m also still attracted to women, and have kissed a few just to be sure.
People say that your teenage years are made for experimenting, for exploring your sexuality, for opening yourself up to new experiences, but fuck that. High school is hard enough as it is without adding that kind of shit into the mix, too. Which is why I’ve been doing my very best to avoid solo situations with Jake…until now.
At first, I tried telling myself that spending time alone with him would be good for me. I’d get past this weird crush I’vedeveloped, and it would actually help build our friendship, so we’d be less reliant on Marcus.
Fuck, was I wrong.
In reality, the more time we spent together, the more I grew to like him. I was right when I suspected we had a lot in common, and we’d get on really well. Talking to him is even easier than with Marcus, and he makes me feel so at ease around him.
On days when my mum was driving me mad, and I was tired from having to take care of my little sister, Jake would make me laugh and help me forget about all the other shit I was worrying about. In turn, I did the same for him.
It didn’t take long before we were opening up to each other in ways that we hadn’t done before. We both knew about the other’s home situation, and life in general through Marcus, but choosing to confide in each other about it felt much more intimate.
I soon realised that I wasn’t just attracted to Jake, I really liked him, and that fucking terrified me. So I did what any scared teenage boy would do…I ignored how I felt and pretended it wasn’t happening.
Deluded? Yes. A stupid idea? Hell yes, but it was still a safer option than telling him how I feel. Particularly since I’m not too sure how I do feel.
Fuck, being a teenager is confusing.
“What do you think, Miles?” Marcus asks me, pulling me from my thoughts.
Clearly, I’ve missed out on a lot of the conversation, and I have no idea what he’s asking me. “Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention,” I admit, looking sheepish as my best friend rolls his eyes at me.
“I said, it’s been a while since we went on a night out. There’s a band playing at Shoreline on Friday, so we should go,” Marcus tells me, filling me in on what I missed.
I wince, racking my brain for an excuse to get me out of this. “I think it’ll be fun,” Jake adds with a smile—that definitely did not make my heart race!
“It’s been a long fucking school week with all the revision and assignments. We deserve a break.” Marcus isn’t wrong. We’re nearing the end of our final school year, and to say that the intensity has ramped up would be a severe understatement.
I look between both guys, seeing the matching hopeful expressions, and I cave with a groan. “Fine. I’m in.”
Marcus smiles, but Jake whoops, pulling me in for a hug. “It’s going to be so much fun.”
The feel of his arm wrapped around my back should be nothing but a friendly gesture, yet my skin feels like it’s on fire. Even though there’s a T-shirt and my hoodie separating us, the sensations are almost as intense as if our bare flesh was touching. My dick twitches, and I focus on as many ugly things as I can to stop the impending erection.
An old lady smiling with no teeth. Blackthorn losing their last football match against a fucking shit team. That time I got a B on my history assignment because my teacher was an arsehole. Mum’s last horrendous boyfriend who called me ‘son’ the first time I met him.
The thoughts do a great job of stopping things before they get worse, but I make a conscious effort to avoid looking at Jake, as I know all my efforts would be for nothing.
He makes my heart race, my stomach flip, and my skin heat. I’m aware I sound like a lovesick teenage girl, but I can’t help it. He brings it out of me.
“This is going to be so much fun,” Jake sings, and I hold back my groan.
Friday night rolled arounda lot quicker than I was expecting, but after a couple of pints in the pub, I’m no longer regretting my decision to come out. Marcus and Jacob were right when they said we need to relax and let our hair down, and the alcohol is definitely helping with that.
We’re sitting in a booth in the corner of the pub, just chatting and drinking like any other friends. I’m choosing to ignore the feel of Jake’s thigh pressed against mine, or the way our hands sometimes brush together when we reach for our drinks at the same time.
He’s wearing a forest-green shirt that complements his skin tone, and makes his chocolate-brown eyes stand out even more. He’s styled his dirty-blond hair into the usual spiky disheveled look that suits him so well, and he’s kept the small amount of stubble that’s been building over the last few days, giving him a slightly more rugged appearance. Then he smiles, and that dimple appears, bringing back his boyish charm.
I know I’m not the only one tonight that will have noticed how fucking gorgeous Jake looks… I’m just the only one who isn’t supposed to.
The evening seems to fly by, with us sitting together in the pub, just drinking and talking until all of our worries seem to have floated away. As the clock edges close to eleven, Jake turns to us with that cheeky grin of his. “We should head to Shoreline now.”
I’d forgotten all about the band we originally came out to see. Marcus looks at his watch and nods, downing the last of his pint. Both Jake and I follow suit before climbing out of the booth.
The club isn’t far away, but when we get there, I groan at seeing the long line waiting to get in. “It’s going to take us fucking ages to get in, and I’m cold.”