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“I would have tried to do both. I don’t ever want you to keep secrets from me again, particularly when it looks like things have gotten much worse over the last two years.”
Courtney lets out a sigh, taking my less than discreet hint that she continues on with the story, even though every fibre of my being is screaming at me, telling me I probably don’t want to hear any more.
“Long story short, Bruce is an addict, and a small-time dealer. He got Mum hooked quite quickly, and started forcing her to help him pay for their habits. I spent the first few months fighting with them, but when it became clear that Mum cared more about him and drugs than me, I stopped trying.
“It was surprisingly easy to become invisible, as Mum had all but forgotten I lived there most of the time. I knew whenever you were transferring money into her account, and I made sure to take a bit before she could spend it all. I didn’t take a lot, just enough for me to look after myself and buy food.
“Thankfully, neither of them realised, and I was able to either stay out of the house or hide in my bedroom. Being invisible was a far cry from when I was arguing with them.”
I catch the way she involuntarily shivers and winces at the last part, and my blood runs cold. I thought my worst-case scenarios were bad, but they have nothing on this.
I know I’m going to regret it, but I have a million questions running around in my head, and I can’t stop them from blurting out. “What happened when you were arguing?”
Court scrunches her eyes tightly shut, but I see the tears she’s desperately trying to hold back fall.
With a shaky voice, she says, “At first, I was just trying to make Mum see she was spiralling. I wanted her to stop drinking and using, and get back on her meds. I tried to talk her into going to the hospital, but she didn’t want to hear it.
“She lashed out with hurtful words, the way she always does when she’s cornered and confronted. But other than saying some terrible things to me, that was the worst from her.”
She pauses, and so I prompt her. “And him?”
With a shake of her head, she opens her eyes, and now the tears really fall. “To start with, he just left Mum to deal with me, but when it became clear she wouldn’t get help while he was in the picture, I started trying to get her to kick him out. I made it clear I didn’t like Bruce, and that I didn’t think he was a good influence on Mum.
“Bruce decided to show me just how he felt in return. Each time I tried to get Mum to kick him out, he’d kick me. When Isaid something about him he considered rude, he’d punch me. When I shouted at him, he’d slap me. On and on it went.
“He managed to convince Mum to cut me off, so I struggled to get food and drinks. He wouldn’t let her give me any money for lunch at school, and I wasn’t allowed access to the kitchen to make something to take with me—not that I’d have been able to. Kids aren’t typically allowed to take beer or bacon in their lunchbox, and that’s all we had in our fridge.
“I put up with the beatings for about a month. I kept hoping that each time he hurt me, Mum’s maternal instinct would kick in and she’d protect me from him. Needless to say, that didn’t happen, and after a while, I realised that if I kept antagonising him, he’d likely kill me, so I went invisible.”
Each word was like a knife to my gut, and the bubbling rage flowed through my veins like lava, fuelling my desire for revenge. Nobody lays a hand on my sister and lives to talk about it.
I lean forward, and as gently as I can, I swipe the tears off Courtney’s face. “Oh, Sis, I’m so fucking sorry that you’ve had to deal with any of this. I’m also really bloody mad that you kept this from me the whole time. You should have called me the first time he touched you. I could have killed him and been back at uni to take my class the next day.”
Courtney lets out a laugh that sounds suspiciously like a snort, her bright smile making her face light up. “You couldn’t kill someone,” she jokes, and I have to bite my tongue to keep from arguing.
Courtney knows Marcus is my best friend, and she knows that his family and Jacob’s run Blackthorn, but I don’t think she’s aware they rule the criminal underworld in the town. She certainly doesn’t have a clue about what role I play in it, and I plan to keep her blissfully unaware for as long as possible.
“I would still protect you, no matter what. Now, is there a reason you chose to tell me all of this now, or was it just because I’ve finished uni?”
As she closes her eyes again, and begins taking slow, deep breaths, I get the feeling this is going to be another question I didn’t want to know the answer to.
“I didn’t plan to tell you until after your summer holiday, but then things changed and I needed you,” she says, her voice cracking at the end as she sobs again.
I pull her in for a hug, as I don’t know what else to do. Crying women, no matter their age, still scare me a little, but at least with Courtney, I know a hug will comfort her.
“You can tell me anything, Court. You know that,” I tell her reassuringly, whilst rubbing slow circles into her back, comforting her the only way I know how.
As she pulls back and swipes the tears from under her eyes, she gives me a tight smile. “I know. This is just…hard.”
“Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”
She lets out a sigh and then begins. “A couple of months ago, things got worse. They moved onto harder drugs, maybe heroin or meth, I’m not entirely sure, but it’s made them both a lot more unpredictable.
“They’re also using more, which means they’re spending more money than they have. I’m pretty sure Bruce steals to pay for his habit where he can, but it’s still not enough. That’s when he realised he had a good way of making money right in front of him.
“Mum started selling herself to other men, using the money to buy both their drugs. There has been a constant stream of dodgy men coming into the house at all times of the day and night. And don’t even get me started on the noises,” she says, shuddering at the end.
“I feel sick,” I mutter under my breath, just loud enough for her to hear.