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Her lips turn into a frown, and there are tears in her beautiful emerald eyes. She no doubt blames herself for this the way I blame myself, but we have to move past that now. We both made mistakes, and now we have to put them right… Even if that means telling the hard stories from our past.

I give Indie one last small smile before turning back to face Jake, as he’s the one who deserves my full attention for this. After taking another deep breath, I continue with the hardest part of my story.

“For about a month after I realised Indie wasn’t coming back, I slept around with both men and women. I hid it from everyone, not even Marcus knows about that time.

“Part of me wanted to see if I leant more towards one gender than the other, but the other part of me was willing to use any method to block out the pain.

“After a month, I didn’t have any sort of big revelation. Although I hated every sexual experience I had during that time, and most of them I can’t even remember as I was blind drunk, I knew enough to be sure I didn’t favour one gender over the other.

“I also realised that fucking around wasn’t helping me in any way. All it did was make me feel dirty, and I still didn’t fucking forget. Every woman I was with I compared to Dee, and every bloke I compared to you, Jake. None of them even held a torch to the two of you.”

Both of them squeeze my hands, passing their strength over to me, giving me the encouragement I need to finish my story. Laying my soul bare doesn’t come easy for me, but with Jake and Indie, they make me want to be better for them.

“The one good thing about that time was that it helped me learn about the type of sex I enjoy. When you don’t really careabout the person you’re with, there’s an element of freedom, to just be whoever you want to be, safe in the knowledge you won’t ever see them again.

“I learnt about being with men. What I like to do, and what I like to have done to me. It wasn’t a surprise when I learnt I’m a top, as it fits with my dominant nature.”

I watch a range of emotions flicker across Jake’s face, just the way I expected. I don’t even try to keep up with them all. He tries to settle for a blank mask, but I can tell by the way his eyes bore into mine that he’s uncomfortable.

I wait, giving him the time he needs to process everything I’ve just said. Eventually, he lets out a long, drawn out sigh. “I can’t deny hearing that makes me incredibly fucking jealous…and sad. If I had been braver, we could have explored together. We could have had our firsts together. Instead, I need to hunt down every guy who has ever touched you, peel their skin from their bones, and kill them for daring to touch what’s mine.”

Some people might think Jake is just saying that for effect, but I know him. If he knew the names of the men I’d been with, he would stop at nothing until he’d taken them all out.

It may be a massive fucking red flag, but I can’t help smiling over his possessiveness. I’ve waited a long time for him to want me like this, so I’ll take it.

Indie chuckles beside me, clearly thinking Jake is joking, and I’m not going to be the one to set her straight—she’ll learn on her own with time. “Technically, if you two had gotten together the first time around, I wouldn’t be here now.”

We both pause for a second, contemplating the accuracy of her statement. “That’s true,” Jake says. “I wouldn’t want that either.”

I nod in agreement before turning to Jake to soothe his worries. “Look, you may not have been my first for everything, but there’s a lot you were the first for.

“You were my first kiss with a guy. You were the first boy to give me a blowjob. You were also the first person I ever fell in love with. And I got to be the first person to take your arse, which is a big fucking honor, as I’ve never let anyone do that to me.”

Jake’s eyes widen in shock. “You haven’t? Why?”

I shrug my shoulders. “Honestly, I’ve had fingers in there, and I wasn’t sure it was for me. I knew I was a top, and I didn’t think I’d enjoy being a bottom.”

Flush spreads across Jake’s cheeks and he drops his gaze, refusing to look at me as he speaks, his voice barely above a whisper. “Would you want to try with me? That way, I could be your first, too.”

I pause for a long moment, considering what he’s asking of me. When he lifts his shy gaze to meet mine, his beautiful chocolate eyes are staring at me with an intensity I didn’t expect.

This is more than him asking me to go ahead with something I might not enjoy. He’s asking me to give him a part of myself that I’ve never offered to anyone else.

“I will try anything with you, Pretty Boy.”

Jake’s smile lights up the whole fucking room, and he slams his lips against mine, kissing me with everything he has, to let me know how much he appreciates the gift I just gave him.

I might not enjoy the experience, and it doesn’t have to be something we ever do again, but I will go into it with an open mind. I never stopped loving the boy who got away, and now I’m willing to give him all of me.

We slowly all move into Indie’s room, the three of us snuggling together in her bed as we fall asleep wrapped up in each other. As I drift off, with a smile on my face, I can’t help but think maybe this is the first day of the rest of our lives, and if that’s the case, I can’t fucking wait.

After that crazy night together, where we established the boundaries of our relationship, and agreed to make it work with the three of us, the days have passed by in a blissful haze.

It took Jake just two days to order a bed big enough for the three of us to sleep in, and now we’re all staying in Jake’s master suite. Miles was worried about me changing bedrooms again, thinking that my nightmares might return, and it was something I was concerned about, too.

Luckily, I haven’t had a single bad dream, and I think I owe it all to my guys. I feel safer with them than I ever have before, and although I still constantly check to make sure nobody is coming for me, I’m allowing myself to relax.

Whilst we’ve spent a lot of time, over the last week or two, getting acquainted all together, it occurred to me the other day that I’ve not spent any time with just Miles. He’s so busy with Marcus, and when he’s home, Jake is here, too.