Page 39 of Your Last First Kiss

She nods and brushes her hair away from her face with the back of her hand.

At least she’s clean today.

I glance at the house phone and confirm the note Kai duct-taped to the wall with our numbers on it is still there. He worked for a week straight, teaching her all the numbers and how to call us.

“You can call us anytime, okay? If you need anything, you call just like Kai taught you, okay?”

Lia nods with a sadness no four-year-old should ever know, then slides out of her booster seat. With a small wave, she walks down the hallway toward the room she shares with Marigold. My gut twists at the thought of leaving them just like it does every single time I come here, but I’m not their mother. I have no rights here. All I can do is check on them.

Another list starts in my head.

Get on a schedule with Miller to make sure someone stops by every day.

Make sure Kai feels like he can be a kid.

Try to talk Aster into seeing a counselor.

Tell Eddy to stay the hell out of his car if he’s drinking.

The enormity of the last one holds all my biggest fears because he’s always drinking.

“It’s as good as it’s going to get tonight,” Miller says behind me. “Come on, we’ll drive you home.”

“They don’t deserve this.” My throat is thick, and the words sound like they’re muffled by quicksand.

“Neither do you, Pen. Come on. He’s out for the night. Aster should be able to manage without him barking orders.”

He places an arm around my shoulders and guides me to the door. “I’m sorry I let Dillon in like this. I wanted him to know what you’re dealing with, but not like this.”

“We’re friends, Mill. Well, we were. You stick around this shit show because you’re family. No one would willingly sign up for this. Not even a friend.” I bump my shoulder with his. “I learned that years ago after Eddy drove away everyone I cared about.”

He stops short on the porch. “He drove away the ones who didn’t deserve you, Penny. But maybe he can’t drive everyone away.”

I squint up at him with snow pelting my face, but he isn’t looking at me. He’s staring at something in front of the truck. Or someone. A silhouette I’ve memorized.

Dillon.

He stands facing us with his hands on his hips, and his chest heaves like he’s fighting for breath and control both. Each violent exhale sends a puff of steam from his mouth and nostrils like a fire-breathing dragon.

Tears freeze to the corners of my eyes, making it difficult to blink them away, and my body deflates. “This is too much for anyone, Mill.”

I walk through the snow until I’m face to face with Dillon, mentally preparing myself for a gentle let-down.

A brush-off.

A goodbye.

“Is this what your life is like every day?” he asks. The muscle in his jaw pulses while he waits for my response.

I look back at my ex-husband’s home, but Dillon’s frozen hands cup my face on either side, and he drags my attention back to him.

“Cleaning up messes one ex at a time and trying to raise my sons to be better. Is that what you mean?”

“Yes,” he says through clenched teeth.

I answer with a shrug but can’t quite bring my eyes to meet his.

His lips land on mine.