Page 123 of Your Last First Kiss

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Lochlan entershis office and pulls up short when he sees me. “Penny? You look like bloody hell. Are you sick?”

“No, I’m fine.” Fine. Fine. Fine. Keep chanting it, and maybe it’ll be true.

“Listen, I may not understand women, but the one thing I’ve learned being married to Tilly is fine is never fine. What’s going on?” He crosses the room and sits on the edge of my desk like a protective older brother.

“Kai’s getting teased at school about Dillon and me. He had a major freak-out and basically told me to choose him or Dillon.”

Lochlan frowns and rubs his thumb and forefinger along his jaw. “Penny, I’m about to say something you won’t like, but I’m saying it as your friend, not your boss.”

Squaring my shoulders, I prepare for him to tell me I’m not in the right mindset to take on all this new responsibility right now.

“Kai is a teenager in a bloody awful position, but he’s still a teenager. Teenagers are known for making shitty choices. I know. I read it in that damn parenting book Tilly made me read. Why are you allowing him to make this call?”

His words leave me speechless. Lochlan is not anadvice-givingkind of guy. He’s akeep your personal life personaltype of guy.

He stands and tugs on his vest. He’s upset—for me. “I’ve known you for years now, Penny, and I’ve never seen you happier than you’ve been the last few weeks with Dillon. That should count for something.”

“It does count. And I’m not letting Kai make the decisions, but I need to be mom and dad first. I have to be supportive of his feelings because no one else will.”

“No one?” He stares at me and shakes his head. “You weren’t here when Kai showed up a while back, but I saw Dillon’s face. He’s been pining for you and all that comes with you for years. And if I know him, he’s beating himself up over Kai. You can be supportive while still doling out tough love. Don’t let the misdirected trauma of youth dictate your future.”

My phone chimes with an incoming text. Glancing down, I see it’s from Remy, so I open it and promptly fall back against my chair. Lochlan walks behind me to see what’s making my hands shake and my eyes misty.

Remy sent me a picture of Dillon dressed as a grandpa with Mari strapped to his chest, sitting on the floor in a sea of eight-year-olds, reading a book.

His message simply reads: Some fights are worth the battle.

Lochlan pats my shoulder. “That looks bloody awful. If he’s willing to entertain a gaggle of kids, he’s certainly going to put up a fight for you. Just be careful how long you keep him at arm’s length. Eventually, there will be nothing left to grab ahold of.”

He walks into his office, leaving me alone with my thoughts and a picture I already have memorized.

Being a single mom is so damn hard.

Can I have Dillon and not hurt Kai in the process?

Can I help Kai, or has his father already doomed his childhood? And how big of a part did I play in that if he did?

CHAPTER38

DILLON

The days are starting to bleed together in one endless pit of angst. My time is filled with TAC meetings, decisions, and three days a week, playing daycare with Mari and Lia while Penny works.

Despite Eddy’s threats, neither he nor Aster has shown up at Penny’s house, even after they were served with a letter stating Penny had full guardianship until a hearing next month. I’m still beating myself up over not being able to go to the courthouse with her. The only thing I could offer was a decent attorney.

And she’s still refusing to let me put in a security system, so I drive by like a stalker to keep an eye on them when I technically have no reason to be there.

I don’t want a reason. I just want to belong with them.

The last two weeks have been a living nightmare. Every time I’m close to Penny, my throat burns. I can tell she isn’t sleeping, either. The circles under her eyes have returned and, in the mornings, they’re rimmed red like she’s been crying all night.

But she hasn’t called me once. She’s shutting me out, and it’s hurting her as much as it is me. The only exception was when she called to say thank you for the lawyer.

Kai still won’t look at me. His anger has settled all the way to his bones, and even though I know it’s not me or Penny he’s really hurt by, I want to shake him a little every time he ignores me.

The one shining light is that my relationship with the other kids has grown stronger. Like a living, breathing thing, I soak in the love they express greedily.