Page 128 of Your Last First Kiss

Watching him head upstairs, I wonder if that’s just what he did. I wouldn’t even blame him.

“I’m going to keep them out of school the rest of the week,” Penny says from the kitchen, but her voice is flat. She has no energy to feel anything anymore, and it shows in her monotone sentences.

I don’t know if she’s talking to Miller or me, but we both give her our attention. “And I’m going to hold off on telling Lia until I can talk to the pediatrician. I don’t want to traumatize her any more than I have to.”

I’m drawn to her like a magnet, and there’s no use fighting it. When I pull her into a hug, she clings to me like I’m her lifeline.

I rub her back, and she shakes in my arms. Miller keeps the kids busy in the other room as we just stand here. I hold her until her tears dry. Until her body stops trembling. I hold her like I’ll never let her go, and someday that will be the truth.

CHAPTER39

PENNY

One week blends into another, and before I know it, it’s been almost two months since Aster’s funeral. Two months of walking around in a daze. Two months of custody hearings, finding a new normal, and outbursts from Kai. Two months with Dillon on the periphery of my life.

I got Kai into a therapist a few weeks ago, but so far, he’s rejecting everyone and everything he once loved. I haven’t even seen him with a basketball in his hands for weeks.

Our home that has always been filled with love is now a cesspool of tension and anxiety. Landon retreats to his room the first chance he gets. Gage is abnormally calm.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

“Mom?” Landon whispers and gently places a hand on my arm.

I startle and jump. The spoon in my hand is frozen in midair.

It takes me a second to process his worried expression. Then I realize tears are falling from my eyes.

I drop the spoon and quickly wipe them away. “Sorry, buddy. I was lost in my head. I don’t know what this is about.” I laugh with no humor as I point to my face.

Landon shoots an angry glare at his oldest brother.

“I’m okay, just tired. Emotions get the best of us when we’re tired.” I offer a smile, but I know it’s not fooling anyone.

“What?” Kai shouts at his brother.

“Boys.”

“You. You did this to her,” Landon shouts. “Even when dad was terrible to her, we never saw her cry. Now she can’t control it and it’s because you took away the one thing that made her happy. You took Dillon away from us all. He doesn’t sleep here anymore because of you. And even after all that, he still keeps his promises to all of us.”

“Fuck you,” Kai says, his words full of venom and without a hint of remorse.

Lia whimpers and seems to shrink in on herself.

“Kaiser.” I’m out of my chair with my palms planted on the table for support before my next breath. Emotions run haywire through my body.

“Never. You are never to swear like that in this house. I’ve raised you better than that. I know that things are hard for you, but guess what? You’re not alone in this grief. We’re all hurting. Step outside of your own walls for two seconds and see how this has affected your siblings. How it’s affecting me. This isn’t just about you.”

The front door bursts open at the end of the hall and Dillon stomps through it. I can tell by his expression that he’s on a mission. He doesn’t stop until he reaches the table. As always, he reads the tension in the room.

“What’s going on?”

“Kai swore at me, and he’s making Mom cry,” Landon says.

Dillon turns a dangerous expression on Kai. His face is all hard lines and throbbing muscles as he pulls a root beer barrel from his pocket. No one says a word as he stares at Kai and crunches angrily on the hard candy.

“Dewey,” Lia claps happily with open arms, waiting for him to go to her.

“Hi, princess,” Dillon says gently, but the tension in his body is still ready to snap.