Page 20 of Your Last First Kiss

“If I could be normal and accept a date. With you. If I could be yours.” Her voice is quiet but filled with a heartache that churns my stomach.

“Sweetheart, you never, ever apologize for being the mother those boys need. You never apologize for doing what’s right for your family. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I keep pushing.”

Shaking my head, I take a small step back, putting some distance between us. “I don’t know what it is about you, but having you in my life, in any way I can have you, feels as necessary as the air I breathe. I—fuck.”

I scrub my hand roughly through my hair and down over my face. “I know I crossed the line just now, but I won’t apologize for what I said, only for making you uncomfortable, because I meant every single word. But I will do a better job of respecting your personal space.”

Jesus. The sadness on her face stabs me in the gut. I’m bleeding out, and there’s not a damned thing I can do about it.

“I need you in my life too, Dillon.” Those words are a balm I never expected. “Life for me doesn’t contain many rainbows. But when Wednesday rolls around, I swear everything looks a little brighter. A little happier. You’re the rainbow in my rainstorm of a life. Is that weird?” She huffs out a tiny laugh, breaking the tension. “That’s weird, isn’t it? I’m such a dork.” She reaches for her purse, and I feel our time evaporating like smoke.

“It’s not weird, Penny. But it does make me feel a hell of a lot better about all the shit I told you.” Finally, she looks at me, really looks at me, and I allow a smile to spread wide across my face as fast as lightning.

So.

Damn.

Cute.

I walk with her to my front door. Each step feels like a slow, painful death.

This is what heartbreak feels like.

“Wednesday girl?” she asks. For some reason, the hope in her voice brings me back from the edge of sadness.

I shrug and stare at my feet. “I like you, Penny. So I might talk about you a lot. Ryder’s an ass, but he…” I look up and hold her gaze. “He likes how I am on Wednesdays. He rightfully attributes that to you.”

Even her sad smile shines brightly. “My cousin calls you Mr. Wednesday,” she admits with a pretty flush to her cheeks.

“Oh yeah? I kinda like that you talk about me, Penny. I like it a lot.”

“Why?”

I flash my most wicked smile.

“Because it means while you may not have time for me in your life, you have space for me in your mind, and I’ll take any piece of you I can get.”

“Dillon,” she chastises, but her blush deepens and edges beneath the collar of my shirt.

“I’m a patient man, Penny. I always will be.”

She nods and reaches for my front door. My mouth is saying patience, and I know that’s what she needs from me, so I’ll respect it. But my body and heart scream that she’s the one.

And I’m fairly certain that I’ll wait a lifetime for her.

CHAPTER6

DILLON

PRESENT DAY

Ashton fiddles with his daughter’s shoes as he talks. They’re tiny, pink glittery things on the right side of the video call and not something I ever would have imagined in his world a few years ago. He’s come so far from the kid I grew up with, the man I worried would never find his way out of the dark. Now he has a wife and a little girl and a life that’s hard for me to conceive and even tougher not to be envious of.

How can fucking shoes make me feel so damned lonely?

My skin prickles. It has all morning. I blame Lochlan for pushing back our weekly meeting by a few hours. Seeing Penny at nine a.m. every Wednesday has become like a drug for me, and now I’ve been jonesing for a hit of her for over two hours.

“Will you do me a favor?” he asks, dragging my attention back to him. “Before I hand off my shares of Envision, will you do something for me?”