Page 120 of Your Last First Kiss

I try really fucking hard not to resent the hell out of Kai right now. But I have faith that he’ll come around. It’s just going to be a goddamn nightmare getting through this mess.

Finally, I sigh. We’re only holding off the inevitable. “I’m going to sleep like shit tonight. I’ve gotten used to holding you.”

Penny’s shoulders shake with silent tears.

“Please promise me something?” I whisper.

“What?” she asks. The emotions clouding the word make it nearly unrecognizable.

“Promise me that if you’re going to cry, you’ll call me. I can’t take the thought of you crying alone in your closet. Please don’t do that to me, baby. If you need to cry, let me catch your tears, even if it’s through the phone.”

“God, Dillon. Why do you always say these things? It would be so much easier if you were pissed off right now.”

“Oh, don’t mistake my silence for contentment. I won’t be happy again until we’ve come out on the other side of this. But I mean it when I say I will wait, Penny. I’ll wait forever if I have to because no one else can own my heart. Not when you hold the key.”

She leans forward and puts her head in her hands. I wrap an arm around her shoulder and tug her into my side. Kissing the top of her head, I make a final promise.

“We will get through this. It’s going to hurt, but I’ll be waiting for you at the finish line.”

When I stand, she lifts startled eyes to mine, and then she stands too. Her steps are heavy, like her legs have filled with lead, as she follows me to the front door.

“Where are you going?” she asks, barely above a whisper.

“I’ll stay at the TAC tonight. Tomorrow I’ll talk to Miller about moving into Ashton’s place with him and Izzy.”

“I’m sorry. I…”

I place my pointer finger over her lips. “We’re done apologizing for things that are out of our control. This isn’t the end of us, Penny. It’s a speed bump on our path, nothing more.”

A tear slips down her cheek, so I lean down to kiss it away. I refuse to believe this is the last time I’ll have that right, but for all my forced positivity, I know my heart will break the second I walk away. It no longer beats a steady rhythm unless she’s by my side.

“I love you.” With a parting glance that guts me, I step out into the chilly night, knowing nothing is right in my world.

I’ve never been a praying man, but for the first time in my life, I send up a little prayer for our hearts.

CHAPTER37

PENNY

Ilie in bed, watching the numbers on the clock tick away. There was no sleep for me last night. Not when my bed smells like Dillon. Not when my fingers keep clawing at my chest to ease the ache there.

I never knew love could hurt so much.

It never felt like this with Eddy. With him, it was just pain for what he put my boys through.

Remembering Dillon’s expression when he told me he loves me has me choking down another sob, and I bury my face into his pillow.

How long can I cling to the scent of him before that’s gone too?

Eventually, the alarm goes off, and I drag myself from bed. My head rages like the worst hangover of my life. Everything hurts, my stomach is threatening a revolt, and the cobwebs in my mind keep multiplying.

Standing in the hallway, I poke my head into each of the kid’s rooms—except for Kai’s. He locked me out.

I hear the ding, ding, ding of a video game that means Gage is downstairs. He’s physically incapable of sleeping in. I’m surprised he even stays still long enough to sleep.

I’m halfway down the stairs when there’s a gentle knock on the door. My heart skips a beat the closer I get, but Gage comes flying around the corner before I can see who it is.

“I got it, Mom!” He flips the lock’s latch and opens the door with so much force that the wind blows my hair around my face. “Dewey! What’s in your hair?”