Page 63 of When Ben Loved Tim

Danny scratches his nose with such intensity that I expect the freckles to start flaking off. “Who’s the other guy?”

“He goes to a different school,” I say. “You’ve never heard of him.”

“That makes sense.” Danny takes the flyer back but doesn’t put it away. “Do you ever watch this?” he asks, tapping the title of a sci-fi show. “It’s really good!”

He launches into a lecture that is cut short when the class begins. I try not to feel sorry for people, because beneath the sympathy are assumptions that might not be true. Danny never having gone on a date, for instance. A lot of people would pity him for that, when in truth, he might be better off. I’m not sure, because love is more complicated than I ever imagined. Explosions are exciting, but nobody in their right mind wants to wander through a minefield. Allison sure seems to think I’m venturing into dangerous territory. And yet, I can’t resist taking a few more steps, no matter the consequences.

* * * * *

I’m never quite sure when I’ll see Tim. His plans vary so much that there isn’t a single day I can count on. Usually, if he’s available at all, he’ll call and casually say something like“I’m going for a run”or“Are you going to be home later?”That tells me where to wait. Which is why I’m here, standing next to a playground in the middle of the night. A chilly breeze shakes the branches above, sending leaves spiraling down to keep me company.

The wind goes still as Tim appears, jogging toward me with a lopsided smile.

“Hey,” he says when slowing to a stop. His head whips around to make sure we’re alone. Only then does he lean in for a kiss. When I feel the heat radiating off his body, I’m tempted to cling to him.

“Do you go jogging the whole year?” I ask. “Because in a few months, you’re going to find a snowman waiting for you instead. One who looks a lot like me.”

“You’re cold?” Tim takes my hands in his. “I bet I can warm you up again.”

“Oh yeah?” I ask, already feeling a flush.

“Yeah.”

He glances around once more before leading me across the grass and deeper into the shadows, where we resume kissing. I want nothing more than to run my hands down the impressive muscles of his torso to the prize in his shorts… But I can’t help wondering if that’s all he needs from me. Especially when he gets the rest from Krista. I place my hands on his chest to push him away. The firmness of his pecs doesn’t help my resolve.

“Let’s do something else,” I suggest.

“Like what?” he asks with bedroom eyes.

I shrug. “Let’s swing.”

Tim scrunches up his face. “With who?” he asks, before glancing toward the playground. Then he laughs. “Oh right. Yeah. Okay! Race you there!”

He sprints across the playground. I give chase, despite knowing I can’t win. I’m just happy that he’s willing to have other sorts of fun with me. Soon we’re seated on the swings, kicking and stretching to gain height. Tim really goes for it, nearly parallel with the ground at one point. I slow to watch, his body a brown and blue blur that streaks past me on occasion.

“Think I should jump?” he shouts.

“Yeah!” I respond. “That way I get to drive you to the hospital again!”

“Oh right.”

His pendulum swings become shorter and shorter until we’re idly wobbling next to each other.

“If I wasn’t worried about my ankle,” he says, “I totally would have jumped.”

“I believe you,” I reply, mostly in the hope that he’ll never feel the need to prove himself.

Tim is grinning. “That was fun. I haven’t been on a swing in ages.”

“I’m a good time,” I say leadingly, but the bedroom isn’t my goal. “You should take me out on the town.”

“You mean like a date?”

“Hey, now there’s an idea!” I try to sound upbeat, although a little vulnerability escapes into my voice when I add, “Don’t you think it’s long overdue?”

His brow furrows up. “We’ve been on a date before.”

“We have?”